Colleague sent me message by mistake

[Islandhopper10]

Our team work remotely but we get together quarterly in person. Yesterday was a meeting in the office in the morning followed by a social so it was casual dress.

I was messaging a colleague earlier back and forth about work matters and he sent something really random and then instantly deleted it but I saw it pop up as a notification so read it.

It said ‘she knew what she was doing in those leggings’ with a sweat emoji.

Now I was the only one wearing leggings yesterday so it was definitely about me. This was at about 3.30 today and I finished at 4 so nothing more was said and I expect my colleague thinks he deleted it before I saw it.

Would you say something if you were me or pretend/forget I ever saw it?

They are hardly the most flattering item of clothing for the slimmer lady

I see women in them regularly and there’s nothing quite so ick inducing - particularly the flesh coloured ones.

Scrunch bum leggings are not appropriate attire for the workplace.

I like wearing thick black leggings (non scrunch) for comfort but only at home or if I'm outdoors hiking in an area where not too many people are. I don't want my colleagues or friends seeing my arse crack so know it's not OK to wear them without skirts or long tops. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm wearing black leggings today but I have a meeting later with a new person. First thing this morning I was like "got to style this outfit with a skirt so I don't turn up at a new client's house with my arse out". It's just basic decency imo.

Woops forgot to say I don't agree with a colleague sending messages about another colleagues appearance. That is not OK. Personally either I'd ignore it, or if we had that kind of relationship make him know you saw the message just to watch him be embarrassed and squirm. Then laugh it off.

His message wasn't appropriate (and I'd feel really uncomfortable working alongside him from now on), but neither is wearing leggings riding up your batty to work unless it's a gym. The faux-naiveté of some people that women should be able to wear whatever to wherever and whoever disagrees is jealous or a misogynist is really tired.

But then OP came back on here to say how her BF and ex love her ass, repeated their sexualised comments about hers, and then also commented on how her choice of clothing would look awful on her (larger) colleagues.

So she is happy to wear those clothes and show off her asset. She admits she knew what she was doing. She boasts about “compliments” she has received from other men. She is also happy to make comments about the bodies of her female colleagues.

So don’t you think her OP was a little disingenuous?

He might say he wasn't talking about her prove it.

People should understand that employers don't need to prove it. Not to a level of "beyond reasonable doubt".

Employers will police sexual harassment matters on "a balance of probabilities".

Why did she dress with her butt crack showing then. She self proclaims she has an amazing arse and she was showing it off. Anyone who thinks otherwise is just silly and too intent on trying to say the 'right thing'. If she wants to show her bottom to the world then fine, but let's just call a spade a spade and recognise it for exactly what it is.

I posted early on in this thread and hadn't seen the OP's updates, which apparently aren't great.

I think you should say something about who are you talking about and what do you think they were doing?
But if it was me I would probably try and forget it and then never wear leggings again as I am someone who always avoids conflict!

You were dressed for the evening ‘social’. Didn’t you choose clothes that you looked good in?
But yes, by today’s twisted standards, a man commenting on it is a firing offence. What a world we have built!

Male colleague should understand that his comment was out of order, and some businesses would regard it as sexual harassment, and misuse under IT policies.

Op needs to understand that scrunch bum leggings , no matter how good she is lucky enough to look in them, are very 2024.

I wouldn’t say anything, but maybe the leggings could stay at home!

Having been a size 20 - i looked absolutely fabulous in leggings....

I've only read your posts OP, so apologies if this has already been said.

When you posted, were you feeling outraged at the text you'd received, or flattered by it (it's hard to decipher, based on your posts)?

Regardless of what you were wearing (and for the record, I don't agree that "scrunch bum leggings" are ever appropriate, let alone in a work environment), your colleague's text was inappropriate, and I would certainly want to make sure it wasn't part of a wider problem with the males in the team. I would probably raise it with my boss, and ask that they remind employees about what is and isn't appropriate to say about your colleagues, particularly when you put these comments in writing - which can sometimes end up being sent to someone other than the intended recipient. That should put an end to things, even if it just means the misogynists are more careful when sending texts.

They were out.

This is work and two make colleagues discussing a female colleagues fuckability is unprofessional and deeply sexist.

Women are not things for men to perv at and wank over.

We are real human people just like them.

Is he a friend or just a colleague , is he married and are you ? How old is he ?
I know it shouldn't matter and that it is not professional.I think I would be secretly pleased.
I think it is a compliment.I have probably said a similar thing before as I saw a colleague in a tiny pair of shorts and I know I shouldn't have but I didn't want other people to miss out.
He didn't wear his shorts again 😞 and I have learnt that it is inappropriate.

What you should do about it depends on your own values and how it makes you feel. In my view yes it’s sleazy, but also the ‘knew what she was doing’ element is misogynistic. Whatever his personal response was to you wearing the leggings (whether it was disgust or lust) he is blaming you for that and implying that by wearing them you knew it would make him feel that way.
Typical abuser, victim blaming type response. No way is it a compliment.
I would call him out and make him squirm but I would do it with my manager.

It was a work meeting followed by a social and you chose to wear gym clothes - that is completely inappropriate.

The colleague should not have made a sexual remark but I understand why they felt the need to comment.

I assume none of the men turned up to a work meeting in a Lycra bodysuit ready for the gym later on.

Ignore it but don't trust

Someone is very insecure and looking for attention ( no matter what attention)

Laughing at the poster mentioning "front bits" 🤣 😂

I read it as he fancied you a bit. Ignore and move on.

Humble bragging? None of us know the OP so that would be a hollow victory, wouldn't it?