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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this rude from a child? Age 6, furious reaction from teacher

863 replies

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:48

My DS was at school today and his teacher addressed the class saying “I don’t want to hear from you unless you need the toilet, you’re in pain or injured.” My DS raised his hand and said “I’m pain and injured is kind of the same thing.” Another teacher overheard and shouted at him so much he was crying and still crying about it at bedtime.

obviously I only have his account of the incident so this is all the detail I have. He didn’t think he had said anything wrong. I’ve noticed this year he’s complained of strict scary teachers and he’s becoming anxious about going to school. Would appreciate opinions on whether this apparently very big telling off was justified. He said his friends were comforting afterwards and he was crying and apologising whilst the teacher continued to shout.

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 02/10/2025 22:01

Yeah, it would seem rude to the teacher, or cheeky, at least. What on earth possessed him to pipe up like that when they’d just been told to stop talking?

It does sound like the teacher’s reaction was somewhat extreme, but the fact they’d all been told to be quiet suggests this was an end-of-tether situation.

I’d talk to him about recognising when it’s appropriate to talk back and when it isn’t (without blaming him - he’s still very young and it takes some children longer than others to learn these things).

Bertielong3 · 02/10/2025 22:01

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Soontobe60 · 02/10/2025 22:02

So this could be a young Year 2 or an old Year 1 child. Most likely is they class were being very noisy, not getting on with whatever task they had been given, maybe had several reminders or warnings and still constantly mithering. The usual mithering follows the line of ‘what do we have to do’ after being told 20 times, ‘can I sharpen my pencil’ that doesn't need sharpening, ‘Sam won’t share the rubber with me’ and other trivia. So the teacher has raised her voice as a final reminder, and your DS has not only not kept quiet, but has made a smart-arsed comment to boot.
Perhaps he shouldn’t have been told off enough to make him cry, but neither should he have commented. BTW, you can be injured and not in pain and you can be in pain but not injured, so he was a smart arse but also incorrect.
Did no one tell you about the incident at pick up? If a child in my class had been crying their parent would have been informed.

Original poster
partytimed · 02/10/2025 22:02

He didn’t call out he put his hand up to make the comment which is partly why I dont think he realised what he said would be interpreted as rude. He hates shouting and would be terrified to be deliberately rude. Would a teacher continue to shout at a crying apologising child over this? He insists that’s what happened. If others think that’s normal then maybe I’ll just suck it up but if not I will speak to the teacher.

OP posts:
SugarBrown · 02/10/2025 22:02

OP - I will say you know your own child. You say you have noted a big change since going back, he is anxious and upset going to school. Something is causing it, I would say that is something that needs to be gotten to the bottom of.

YerAWizardHarry · 02/10/2025 22:03

I have the same rules for when I’m working with a small group. It’s about not being constantly interrupted with rubbish like “he kicked a pencil!” And giving the children you’re with an opportunity for all group support.

Worriedalltheday · 02/10/2025 22:04

So your child who is so good and sensitive was cheeky enough to pipe up with this? Sounds like you have some blinkers on. He’s probably crying from being caught out and embarrassed. Tell him to behave next time

Bushmillsbabe · 02/10/2025 22:05

Did your sons friends give you their version?

My daughter's (aged 10) class what's app group blew up last week regarding a comment made by their teacher. Very quickly it was obvious that very child had a different version of what was said and how much break they missed, and even which break (morning vs lunch).

I suggest speaking to the teacher to get an explanation. Also be prepared to apologise for your childs cheeky comment.

VikaOlson · 02/10/2025 22:05

partytimed · 02/10/2025 22:02

He didn’t call out he put his hand up to make the comment which is partly why I dont think he realised what he said would be interpreted as rude. He hates shouting and would be terrified to be deliberately rude. Would a teacher continue to shout at a crying apologising child over this? He insists that’s what happened. If others think that’s normal then maybe I’ll just suck it up but if not I will speak to the teacher.

No it seems unlikely. 6 year olds aren't very reliable narrators.

I'd definitely talk to him about when it is and isn't appropriate to question/correct the teacher though.

Original poster
partytimed · 02/10/2025 22:05

DH picked him up and the teacher who shouted did the handover and chatted with DH about something unrelated but never mentioned the incident.

OP posts:
KnittingOnEmpty · 02/10/2025 22:05

ThejoyofNC · 02/10/2025 21:57

Why are you angry that they're being taught how to sit in silence and behave? Your son made a smart arsed comment and blatantly disobeyed the instructions he was given, of course he was told off. Maybe next time he will do as he's told.

They're six years old and it's no longer the 1800s. Not many 6 yr olds are capable of making a 'smart arsed' comment either. Lad is clearly upset about whatever went on which needs addressing so a chat with teacher best solution.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 02/10/2025 22:05

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:58

I would be happier if I could be reassured that he was being a smart arse and got a deserved ticking off. I’d rather that than worry about disproportionate reactions from teachers who can’t keep their tempers. Is what he said really rude though and not just a literal exploration of what the teacher has said?

He was being a smart arse and deserved a ticking off. Whether the teacher over reacted or not is debatable. A shouting tirade = over reaction, a firm rebuke = reasonable. However, 6 year olds are prone to exaggeration so it's hard to know.

What is worrying is that you don't seem to see his behaviour as unacceptable.

Ponderingwindow · 02/10/2025 22:05

It is exactly the kind of clarification a 6yo asd child might make. Calling the child a “smartass” is offensive. Telling the child off is a problem.

a cheeky child would have brushed off a telling off, but a nd child is not going to understand that they did anything wrong. They are legitimately seeking clarification of the teacher’s imprecise language.

Makemineacosmo · 02/10/2025 22:06

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:58

I would be happier if I could be reassured that he was being a smart arse and got a deserved ticking off. I’d rather that than worry about disproportionate reactions from teachers who can’t keep their tempers. Is what he said really rude though and not just a literal exploration of what the teacher has said?

Again, in it depends on context. Although I'm sure your little darling did nothing wrong and it was all the teachers fault. That's what you obviously want to hear, so there you go.

FloatingFlower · 02/10/2025 22:07

He’s been told off, got upset, and he probably won’t do it again. Explain the difference between in pain and injury to him at home and tell him that when silence is expected it’s not a good idea to backchat. My DC was told off at 6 for a good reason, was upset at home time and as far as I know wasn’t in trouble again.

Canyousewcushions · 02/10/2025 22:07

The teacher was asking them to be quiet and he gave her some back chat, a telling off was definitely deserved for that.

Sensitive kids can really take things to heart- even a teacher who is bit more direct (but still lovely) was enough to upset one of my children. I had the chat with child that different people are different, and a good thing about school is learning to get along with different types of teacher (and the other kids!!)- its good life preparation.

That said, he shouldn't be made to feel intimidated by mean shouty teachers. On the other hand if he is a bit of a "live wire"- curious, intelligent but maybe a bit too prone to speaking his mind, then it probably is time he learned to sit and obey an instruction for silence as they may well be gradually training them to sit still and listen as they work their way up through the school. He may well find this harder than more free play based classrooms. Its impossible to tell from your OP which if these is going on!!

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 02/10/2025 22:07

ChickpeaCauliflowerSalad · 02/10/2025 22:01

The key word there is LEARNING. He's 5, shouting at him is not teaching.

Show quote history

But he wasn’t learning was he? The fact another teacher stepped in, and the wording used, suggests the first teacher had asked several times for quiet. After several requests, to be arguing with the teacher about her wording at the age of six clearly needed a firmer response.

If you repeatedly ignore instructions you are going to end up shouted at.

Izzywizzy85 · 02/10/2025 22:07

He was really cheeky and was told off. Of course he’s cried, he didn’t like being told off. Hopefully he will think twice about being rude in future.
Threads like this make me so glad I’m not a teacher.

Loopylou7219 · 02/10/2025 22:08

Some of these responses are so unkind. I could imagine my child when they were younger maybe saying the same thing not being a "smart arse" but perhaps trying to fully understand what the teacher had said and what they meant. Why do so many people on here seem to hate children

Original poster
partytimed · 02/10/2025 22:09

I don’t need people telling me he did nothing wrong actually, I’m trying to be as neutral and honest as possible with the information I have, and want to know if that comment from him merits a prolonged shouty telling off so much so he was sobbing at school and bedtime. Yes - he’s probably oversensitive and that’s a separate issue. But I’m not great at being objective when it comes to of that comment is very rude and out of order because I don’t believe his intentions would have been to be rude, although I’m not saying it couldn’t have been received as such.

OP posts:
ThankYouNigel · 02/10/2025 22:09

And this discussion right here is the reason why teachers are leaving the profession in droves…parents, enough! Either get a grip over minor incidents/trivial nonsense, or continue to over-analyse every nanosecond of your child’s day, but stop complaining when more teachers leave. Here’s a thought- if you are so distrustful and so perfect in your every interaction with your perfect children, you are free to home educate. Put your money where your mouth is!

budgiegirl · 02/10/2025 22:09

Is what he said really rude though and not just a literal exploration of what the teacher has said?

It's possible that he was just clarifying - you know him best and will know if he can be cheeky, or if this was a genuine question. I know plenty of 6 year olds who would think they were being terrible clever asking this, whereas in fact they are just being a smart ass. Either way though, at 6 years old, they are old enough to know that when they are told to be quiet, they need to be quiet. So I can understand a telling off when he asked the question, and the teacher thinking it was rude.

That said, the teacher shouldn't have been shouting for two minutes - but I doubt very much that this happened. The teacher may have shouted, which isn't ideal, but you do also say that your son is a bit sensitive, so he may have built it up to be a bigger deal than it was.

Onelifeonly · 02/10/2025 22:09

What you describe sounds a wholly unnecessary reaction to what your son said. At 6 he may be just thinking aloud rather than intending to be rude, plus the teacher sounds rather sarcastic. However, children can and do misinterpret things. But if you are finding he isn't happy generally, maybe a meeting with the teacher might be a good idea.

underhedges · 02/10/2025 22:10

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 02/10/2025 21:54

They were being told to be quiet.
Arguing with the teacher’s choice of words is inappropriate- and especially inappropriate when you’ve been instructed to be quiet, an from the sounds of it more than once.

The problem is what’s ok in individual interactions isn’t ok in big groups. It’s unmanageable. Part of school is learning what’s appropriate in different situations. This was very, very inappropriate.

Teacher here. I agree with this. Based on your ds account the class as a whole were being too noisy/chaotic and the teacher was making it clear that the mood in the class needed to change. I'm sure you've had moments as a mum where your ds has questioned something you've said when you've been under stress and you've been irritated by his comment (or insert your dh/dp/ friend/colleague in a tense exchange). Reassure him but also guide him into learning when to keep some thoughts in his head - a teacher telling the class to stay quiet is not the moment to question how they have phrased this request (within the bounds of professional conduct, which in my opinion based on your ds phrasing, this was).

Driftingawaynow · 02/10/2025 22:11

Ponderingwindow · 02/10/2025 22:05

It is exactly the kind of clarification a 6yo asd child might make. Calling the child a “smartass” is offensive. Telling the child off is a problem.

a cheeky child would have brushed off a telling off, but a nd child is not going to understand that they did anything wrong. They are legitimately seeking clarification of the teacher’s imprecise language.

Was gonna say the same