Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

Small schools have very limited resource to deal with SEN. We lived in an area where some schools were tiny village schools with one larger school. The small schools could not deal with any issues at all really. They barely had enough teachers, no sensory areas, no wellbeing officer etc. They are not really suitable for sen kids.
The things the school can do are to suspend him or deal with the issues in school and separate them. But that is largely impossible in a small school.
Eventually they can make referrals for him to be moved to an emergency placement at a specialist school for secondment. And eventually a specialist school permanently.
There is very little they will actually be able to do in a small school, especially with a one form intake. but I imagine they are already flagging issue with his parents. All these things take a really, really long time.
In the mean time, you need to make as much noise as possible at the school that this is unacceptable. Log incidents, write letters to the head. Ask for meetings. All this will help them to hurry any process they have up.
Sadly, for your DD, there isnt much else you can do.

I know a fair number of children with trauma memories of SEN children at nursery and school. It’s absolutely awful having violent children amongst gentle small kids.
I must admit I despise it as a policy decision.
The many pay a heavy price, for the few.

And how would you pay the bills when you gave up your job to keep your child at home? Or would you.leave your child at home on their own?

The child clearly needs one to one support but they probably don’t have the funding for this. He sounds like an unhappy child and it seems like one of those occasions where I wonder who is actually benefiting from inclusion here? I thinks it is just the council education budget department!
I really hope this stops. My autistic dc was attacked violently in reception by another autistic child and it was completely dismissed by the staff. Shortly after the child was removed from the school.

So he stays where he is hitting the other children, causing chaos? I wonder if some of the posters would put up with this if it was THEIR child!

I would be writing to the head, today, stating that your daughter is not coming in to school tomorrow and you want a meeting with him/her the same day about this. If the other child can't cope in a mainstream setting without hurting other children they shouldn't be in a mainstream setting. This shouldn't be controversial to say. I'm a mum of a child with SEND. This situation isn't good for the boy either.
However - the sad reality may be that you have to move. I'd be looking at my options in that regard too and talking to the council. Are there any other feasible schools locally? I know it seems unfair but this situation feels like it could drag on and your daughter's wellbeing is number one. She has a right to such a happier experience of school than this and the sooner that can start the better.

As well as the safeguarding policy, you also need a copy of the anti-bullying policy and the behaviour policy. There will be definitions of bullying and unacceptable behaviour and also an escalation path for dealing with it (meeting with parents and class teacher, meeting with SLT, fixed term exclusion etc). If they follow a different path for SEN kids that should also be in the policy. Then you can ask the head if they have followed the steps in their own policy. If they aren’t/ won’t, that’s when you go to the governors.

Well done to your daughter. Just proves that he understood the concept of actions have consequences perfectly. I bet the teachers were cheering her on.

I don't think anyone is saying to put up with it. Most people are saying the school needs to keep the OPs DD safe, and to focus on that, and escalate if not getting a satisfactory answer.

I know he's autistic because it's come directly from the mother during morning drop off

Christ almighty.

His behaviour not being corrected or even attempted to be corrected his parental responsibility. Reading the post this is not something that is just done in school!! If the child cannot cope in the environment then he shouldn’t be in it.

I am aware of the time issues, and provision issues that are faced by children who have additional needs I am dealing with it for my nearly 10 year old child! I’ve was told 8 years ago he would learn to manage his additional needs and now he might not got into chosen high school because of no official diagnoses.

but I am also aware that doesn’t mean they can just go around attacking other children with no consequences!

being diverse is not an excuse for a child not to learn that is not ok to be violent.

@Tessasandersonyoure right. A friend of mine said the same when her dd was being bullied by similar child. Her twin brother was with her one day when he did it again and lumped him and he got the shock and fear of his life and the teachers turned a blind eye too. I think teachers are also sick of it as well.

Do you honestly think this ‘mother ‘ is going out to work 😂

I would be fine. Thank you for your concern though.

I have no info.on that point.

Do you?

I wouldn't put up with it. This is why my children are in a private school. We are just explaining what the reality of the situation is. There is no magic fix that is going to happen overnight sadly. Noone thinks the situation is ok.

Nope ! No info here !

"It is the mums fault and their is plenty they can do about it shrugging your shoulders and saying my kids autistic he can't help it. Is terrible lazy parenting"

Since you don't know this child or anything about their level of needs, you don't know if that is true or not.

You seem to be angry with this little boy. But you should be angry with school. School are failing your child (and the boy). I would demand a meeting with school and want to have safeguards in place that this doesn't happen again.

Don't speak to the mum. There is nothing she can do. It happens when the child is in the care of school. It's the schools responsibility to ensure it doesn't happen again.

and how would you feed your child and keep a roof over their head in the meantime?

My son had Autism but it doesn’t give him the right to hurt another child, I really wouldn’t take to up with the mum because she’s not there when the incidents happen so she can’t really help. It’s schools problem, they need to keep your child safe. Looking at it from the schools point of view they probably know the little boy isn’t suited to mainstream but have been told they must take him. It’s such a hard situation.

Haven’t read the full thread but I know there’ll be plenty of “the local authority are at fault” replies.

Though that may be true, if I were you I’d be teaching her that the next time he does anything like this, she hits him as hard as she can.

No point pretending this will change otherwise.

i gave my opinion based on what OP has said ie she allowed child to do what he likes and doesn’t correct when the my are standing there!

I do have a child who self harmed because they couldn't cope with school. As a single parent I had to work, or we would be homeless. It was a horrible choice, sending DD into an environment that was so destructive to her mental health. Or be homeless.