Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

This is an issue in most schools. As this is a small school they won’t have any spare staff who can take care of him until funding is in place.

I completely sympathise with your anger but direct it at the school and the system rather than a four year old with special needs.

both children have a right to be safe and both have a right to an education.

Just to avoid confusion, I've demanded an investigation be made, I haven't demanded the boy to be excluded. I wish I could! But I know I can't do that. All I can do is keep advocating for DD so they can build up a case. And take it above the head if need be.

im just so upset for her.

Maybe she knows from long experience of her child that telling him to stop and physically stopping him doesn’t work. Maybe she’s exhausted from years of doing this with a kid who can’t engage.

expelling a 5 year old autistic kid is ridiculous.

the school need to do a better job of keeping them apart.

I understand of course both have rights to an education. But at this point I'm not fussed about the boys rights, that's for his parents to deal with.

I just want to keep my daughter safe

@ Ggggddk -
Actually, hitting back can make it a lot worse. The OP doesn’t want her daughter to get into a fight, and if this child is severely autistic, as it sounds as though he is, he’ll have no filter and will just continue the attack. Frankly, teaching any child to hit back is a recipe for escalating a situation. The school should be handling this - perhaps this child needs a TA. It’s not reasonable that other children’s safety should be jeopardised by him.

And yes, violence is not acceptable but we see increasing numbers of children who can’t regulate their behaviour. Imposing the type of sanctions that might work on a neurotypical child will be completely pointless and only ramp up the disregulated behaviour.

So that means the right thing to do is just to watch him attack, injure and destroy his peers and the environment around him?

expelling a child that is a danger to other children is not ridiculous, surely, especially if these are targeted attacks that are getting worse and harder to control.

They will likely be working on getting him some funding so he can have 1:1 support and other things to help him. They will have to do this even if they believe he isn't suitable for mainstream education because the LA need evidence to prove he isn't suitable for mainstream education and unfortunately, it takes time.

He attacks are happening when he is in school and she won’t be in the classroom.

The OP really needs to speak to the head teacher.

And she’s the one you know about. I wager other kids have had the same treatment from him. Instead of school fighting fires with him, he needs removing.

So the parents need to learn what does work not just use autism as an excuse for the child's behaviour while raising the future wife beaters and criminals of society.

The school need to stop 'trying their best to keep them apart' and actually physically keep them apart. And if that means the boys has 1:21 or can't go outside at playtime then so be it but your daughter deserves to be safe at school. I'd go fucking nuclear too and definitely involving governors if you don't get a swift and satisfactory outcome.

And I’d still be telling the mother, she’s got parental responsibility for him.

I agree. It seems to be the safest outcome for all.

I don't know if talking to the mum would really help as she's not there when he's in school. I think more needs to be done by the school to keep your daughter safe. If a child shows this behaviour then they need to be properly supervised.

You can put immense pressure on the school and LA to the point where they have little option.

If you can prove their actions are insufficient and are harming your DC they end up with nowhere to turn.

You need to get to the point where they have to admit they can’t prevent your child being hurt.

Document everything.

The Mum can not just stand there letting her child run over graves, hit other children and generally be out of control.

Maybe she doesnt know what to do but quite honestly she needs to find out, ask for help, go on courses, reach out to a health vistor but what she cannot do is just stand there watching it all happen as though this child is nothing to do with her.

I've taken photos of the pinch mark on her cheek, the bruise on her shin (that she still has) and now the mark on her head from the water bottle.

I guess all I can do is keep making noise and advocating for her and keep all evidence to build a case.
and yes I agree about keeping them separate.

I’d want to know if my child was whacking other children intentionally and hurting them. Who wouldn’t?!

I agree talk to headteacher/safeguarding lead and get a proper plan to keep your daughter safe

Oh I see, I didn't realise she didn't know he was doing it. I was just saying she can't do much while he's in school.

She will know. Maybe she thinks its for someone else to sort out. Nothing to do with her, not her fault

It’s not the boys fault, it’s the school failing to safeguard your dd. You need to be on at the school don’t let them fob you off.

School inform parents when their child has hurt someone.