Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

Tell your DD to hit back. It can't make things any worse at least. She shouldn't just sit and bare it.

Thank you, yes I'm absolutely making a nuisance of myself for sure.

DD is an only and I'm a single parent so all this is new to me. I've never had a child in school before so I'm not too clued up on what to ask etc.

thank you all, all your advice is helpful.

I will be flamed, but this is a reason for us going private schooling. My friends child went through such a horrible time and I really didn’t want my kids to ever have their schooling experience ruined with incidents like this.
I would be livid too.

I do have some sympathy for the situation for the other side because they have no other choice. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t have to want a violent child like that around yours.

I agree.
i was always taught to hit back at school.

my only worry about this, is this boy is a lot bigger than DD and stronger, and if she hits back I don't know to what extent his reaction would be.

it's so hard to know what the right thing to do is, isn't it

but her safety is paramount and if that means pulling her out, so be it

I'd let the the Principal know that they are failing your daughter and that you will be contacting the Governors and the local authority for education.
It is unacceptable that your child is not being supported and for that matter neither is the boy who is inflicting his behaviour on his class mates.

Just concentrate on how they keep your dd safe, his behaviour at the gates, graveyard is irrelevant, if they can't keep your dd safe then you have to move her, poor girl.

Exactly that, I don't want this violent child anywhere near DD.

I just wish it was that simple to have him removed.
if I had the funds I would privately educate DD - but single working FT mum here, the costs would be impossible

Absolutely do not speak to the parent about this.

you need to tackle school and they need to put in place steps to keep your daughter safe.

Sometimes the child NEEDS to be excluded to be able to evidence the need for provision in a different setting.

Sounds like this child needs 1:1 support. Maybe this is in progress based on what you have said (the injuries to your child and the pressing the intercom etc will all be recorded by the school) but it takes time for funding to come through and school budgets can't always magic up an extra staff member if no money has been allocated to this.
For those suggesting moving schools I wouldn't say that is always the solution. There are a high number of sen across all schools, it's just whether the schools have already got funding in place and provision for these children that might make a difference (we no longer have any offices where I work apart from the main reception as every other free space has been converted into sensory rooms or calm areas for various sen children as they all have different needs and only certain children can go in together).

Yes you're right. It's just the anger coming out :(

I get this point, and agree to a point-safety first- but why should OP’s little girl who’s done nothing wrong have to leave a good school place? The school should exclude the little boy if he can’t stop himself and they don’t have adequate support. I’m not gendering this per se but I can’t help but think of all the times we as women make ourselves small, silent, remove ourselves, put up and shut up, to avoid (the potential of) male violence.

Please enlighten me on what the Mum can do about it.

Contact the safeguarding lead, safeguarding governor and chair of governors. Speak to other parents, it’s unlikely to just be your DD and you have a stronger and louder case with others.

I’d be furious OP.

You have zero chance in getting a four year child with SEN removed from the school. Absolutely no way will you get that to happen.

It’s irrelevant whether it’s the Mum’s fault or not. School have to deal with the behaviour as it presents in school. They have no influence over what happens when the child is at home.

The school needs to get EHCP funding in place so that he can have 1:1 supervision. If necessary this will be separate to other children.

I’d push hard to get the other child excluded. I’m fed up of people demanding that others suffer at the hands of such children. He’s clearly not suitable for mainstream school so should be removed until such time that he is no longer a risk to other children.

Your child should not be considered as acceptable collateral damage.

I know she can't do a lot, but watching him press the intercom repeatedly, throw sticks, run across graves etc and just stands there just isn't the answer.

I don't know what the answer is and I have no idea what she is going through. She just seems so blasè. I know it's probably not worth me speaking to her just from what I and other parents have witnessed at the school gate

i feel for her as she's probably aware that everyone's a bit like 'wtf' at her in the mornings. But my daughters safety is most important here.

just stuck between a rock and a hard place

No point speaking to the mum. Either:

• she cannot do anything about it and has given up anyway; or
• she won't do anything about it.

You cannot push to have another child excluded from school. If the OP tried this, her entirely justified complaint about how they have handled this situation wouldn't be taken seriously.

The school needs to change something, that's for sure. But parents don't get to say 'exclude that child' and nor should they.

Ramp up the complaints. Teachers, head teacher, local authority, MP.

I’m sorry but it is never acceptable to have your child harmed as an alternative to dealing with the root cause. The violent child’s rights don’t supersede your child’s.

Actually Parent their child if the kid is attacking kids at school they're also doing it outside of school. Sen or no sen violence is not acceptable

A child that is violently attacking and injuring other children, that won't hold any merit to getting him removed?

that's awful.. if that's the case then and if nothing improves my only choice is to pull her out of the school

The school has 100% responsibility to keep your child safe.

It is up to them how they go that, so don't go in demanding your favoured solution (exclusion, one to one, whatever). But 100% insist on a plan to protect your child.

I agree entirely especially with your last point