Ds21 and new “girlfriend”

[bluebot]

Ds21 met a girl a couple of weeks ago and has seen her maybe 3/4 times.
Hes wanting to bring her home to meet me and sit in his room with her. Promises he wont do “anything”I’ve said no AIBU?

Bit of back story. All he does is live in his room when he’s not at work or out with friends. He does nothing in the house to help anyone. He has 2 younger sisters. He never really interacts with any of us, only when it suits him.
Hes had 2 girlfriends in the past year. One he was with for 6 months the other for 3 weeks. I feel he has no respect for the girls he sees. He always ends up falling in love (so he says) really quick then just leaves them and goes back to his mates when he’s bored.

This said girl he sneaked into the house last Saturday night and had sex with her in the bathroom whilst we were all in bed. I heard them!!
He sneaked her back out again the next morning. I was really angry, he’s only known her a week or so at that time.

I know DP (his step dad) won’t be happy about this. He doesn’t know about Saturday. He thinks ds treats the house like an hotel and comes and goes when he wants. Contributes nothing to the house and says if he wants to do what he pleases he should look at moving out. Apart from this they get on ok

So am I wrong for seeing no?

How much do you make time for just him? Going out for lunch isn’t just an opportunity to raise issues. It’s investing time in your relationship

I’m always asking if he wants to do things. He never does, he just wants to be out doing stuff with his mates, not his mum

Totally normal

I really hope you manage to do something alone with him op, as it sounds as though recently the relationship has been in the doldrums. You will have to persist but will be worth it

No idea. But it’s the mother who’s repeatedly said on this thread that she does everything for him, knows she shouldn’t etc.

Have you managed to carve out any alone time with your son op?

You need to separate the being a lazy tosser at home from the wanting to spend time with a girlfriend in his room.

He's 21. He's not a child.

If you don't want him to have girls over or to sleep with them in your house, then you need to lay that out as a hard rule, that if he doesn't like he can move out. THEN, you need to have a conversation about being part of the family and not behaving like you're just the lodgers in the house he happens to live in.