To want my child to have cosmetic surgery?

[Savethewhales1]

I have an 8 year old DD, her ears have always protruded quite significantly. Up until recently, shes never mentioned them, nobodies ever mentioned them to her. She was recently part of a weddings bridal party and while getting ready made a number of comments about her “elf ears”. It’s the first time I’d ever heard her mention them and made me really sad.

I’d like to solve this problem now, as I believe it will likely become an area of great insecurity for her in the future and avoid any teasing down the line (girls can be cruel). I also believe it may be available on the NHS while she’s a child. However, I don’t want to make her self conscious of her ears if she isn’t and cause the insecurity.

So, AIBU?
YANBU - get them pinned back
YABU - don’t risk making her insecure if she isn’t

You did what you thought was right mum, she’s going the where bandages for a week or so. Get them done if he’s that set on it

@Buddy91 are you drunk? No shade, I'm tipsy

People on here saying this lady is saying her kid is ugly or needs fixing need to get a grip on reality. You’ve totally missed the point. She’s doing it so her little girl doesn’t have to face bullshit comments from nasty little brats later down the line, and as a mother to two girls, one of which is currently being destroyed at secondary school for thinking she might be gay - there are A LOT of them around. If I could take away even an ounce of what she’s going through by giving her a small (or even large) op that she won’t even remember by god I would remortgage my whole damn house and sell everything I own to get it done. Get off your stupid high horses, this woman’s an incredible mum.

It's 100 percent the right thing to do, ignore the usual suspects who like to become offended for invented reasons.

It's NOT about you not thinking she's beautiful it is that you know for a 100 percent certainty that she is going to hate the way they look. She may already be being teased (in fact I'd lay odds that someone has said something to her). Elf ears might be her way of trying to make something nice out of something she hates.

She won't thank you for listening to the woo mongers who pretend that such things don't matter. If you can get a simple procedure done for your daughter to save her from a lifetime of trying to hide her ears (and that is what's in store for her) definitely do it.

I had my ears pinned back at 15 in the 1960s. My daughter had hers done at 16. My nephew when he was a toddler. All on the NHS. My granddaughter had hers done last year but our local NHS trust would not fund this (although some do). The operation cost around £4,000 and was done in Leeds Nuffield. Many plastic surgeons don’t operate on juveniles. In all our cases it has been 100% worth it.

Her "elf ears" sound magical, she doesnt sound bothered at all

Has she got her ears pierced?

Has anyone ever commented about her ears at school and would she tell you?

I would definitely get them done before year 6 / secondary school otherwise she will likely be bullied. Kids can be really unkind and if she has already made this comment they are obviously bothering her.

I think you also need a heart to heart with her about her feelings. Some kids can deal with unkind comments - for example my friend has kids with ginger hair and she has always called them ‘ginge’ so when kids were calling them this at school they didn’t bat an eyelid as they grew up with mom saying it so it was as normal as ‘darling’!
But some kids will struggle and unkind comments will sadly eat away at them.

If she were my dd I’d do it.

Yep. Another thing is that because so many people subject their kids to literal operations to change their ears children aren't used to seeing kids with forward facing ears so when they do they stand out even more.

What if the toddler's ears continue to grow and change shape over time though?

And yeah, it's been a super common operation for many decades now.

Ignore the idiots who think you should make an example of your child for the principle of the thing so she can live with a life long sadness that you could easily have prevented - they will have forgotten you exist as soon as they go off to scold and harass another stranger.

You know your child and you love your child.

Do what's best for her. If you believe that is a simple procedure that will stop her hating her ears and give the bullies one less target is the right thing to do - you know what to do.

If you'd be willing to sell your house and all belongings to help your daughter not have to deal with bullying why not change Schools? Or sell everything and rent and put her in a private School? Or keep her home and hire tutors?

They aren't normal.

I'm sure she's beautiful just the way she is. I think elfin ears are cute. Who says ears shouldn't be seen, anyway??

But does the child even want this procedure? It's her body after all.

My child's father has them. I think they're sweet.

I love the "drawdropping stunning people" typo.

Makes me think of drawer-dropping!

listen if hes ok with them then fine
my dd was not. she became a shadow of her former self once classmates started pointing them out.

Yours is the most intelligent comment on this thread. Well done and thank you for writing it.

Also to add another reason to go for surgery from my own viewpoint as a child with the same issue, I hated PE and science pre-surgery due to the mandated hair tying up. It was HORRENDOUS as a child. Post ear-pinning I have a science degree and have competed in multiple sports, no regrets whatsoever other than not having it done sooner.

Some things can easily be changed and some can't. That's life

They are normal. Ears in all their shapes and forms are normal.
Bullying is not normal, and surgery to avoid bullying should not be accepted as normal.

Switch 'sticky out ears' for something else that is not fixed by surgery. i bet you would be swift to suggest the bullies are in the wrong then.

This hasn’t been a problem for any of us. The cartilage at the back of the ear is trimmed back to lie closer to the head.

They aren't. Hence why people (children) point them out.

@XenoBitch oh and they can be fixed by surgery. So not comparable is it?

Because kids can be cruel little shits. Why not fix that?
And again, what about the things that are not seen as "normal" that surgery can not fix?