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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my child to have cosmetic surgery?

414 replies

Savethewhales1 · 01/10/2025 19:09

I have an 8 year old DD, her ears have always protruded quite significantly. Up until recently, shes never mentioned them, nobodies ever mentioned them to her. She was recently part of a weddings bridal party and while getting ready made a number of comments about her “elf ears”. It’s the first time I’d ever heard her mention them and made me really sad.

I’d like to solve this problem now, as I believe it will likely become an area of great insecurity for her in the future and avoid any teasing down the line (girls can be cruel). I also believe it may be available on the NHS while she’s a child. However, I don’t want to make her self conscious of her ears if she isn’t and cause the insecurity.

So, AIBU?
YANBU - get them pinned back
YABU - don’t risk making her insecure if she isn’t

OP posts:
Calliopespa · 01/10/2025 22:17

sunsu · 01/10/2025 22:15

My mum and her mum both had their ears pinned back. For some reason, she didn’t get mine done as a child despite them sticking out significantly. I really wish she did because by the time I pushed for it myself and got referred as a teenager, I was too scared to go through with the operation and I had already endured a lot of teasing. My ears are still my biggest insecurity and I would absolutely take my child to have theirs pinned back if they were in the same position. It’s hard on a child.

Well there you go op.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 01/10/2025 22:18

The NHS spunks a lot of money on all sorts of bullshit.
So, they can afford this cosmetic surgery.

sunsu · 01/10/2025 22:19

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 01/10/2025 22:12

Braces are hardly the same thing as surgery under a general anaesthetic.

Having braces can also be used by bullies against a child, by the arguments on this thread, parents should refuse to allow their children to wear braces (or glasses, etc.).

Show quote history

The procedure isn’t done under general anaesthetic, hasn’t been for the past 15+ years. It’s under local as that’s what scared me off getting mine - being awake and seeing the procedure. I was told to practise looking at a mirror lying down so I could ensure I was happy with my ears while they were doing it!

XenoBitch · 01/10/2025 22:19

JaninaDuszejko · 01/10/2025 22:05

And what about children who have differences that are visible and can't be changed with a 'minor' procedure? We should be teaching our kids a) to not bully children that are different and b) embrace our unique appearances.

People with sticky out ears are not the only people who are bullied for their appearance. Do you think it's OK to use harsh chemicals to lighten skin or relax kinky hair, after all, some people are racist and you don't want your children bullied if an easy procedure can 'correct' their difference. Maybe we should hide away disabled people so they don't get bullied? Or smart kids so they don't get called a nerd. Or gay or lesbian or bi kids so they don't get abuse about their sexuality. Maybe we shouldn't allow children to have visible symbols of their religion so they don't get rude comments about that. You can't stop bullying by trying to fit in, you can only stop it by teaching your kids to treat other people with respect.

Edited
Show quote history

Absolutely!
My DP has massive ears but is also autistic and has been bullied for that all his life... from a small kid to a middle aged man.
How about we teach kids not to bully or tease people who look or act a little different to them.

QuickPeachPoet · 01/10/2025 22:20

My cousin has ears like this and they are a part of his charm! He jokes about them himself!
Entirely depends on the child. If. she is not bothered or upset by them I wouldn't force that decision on her and put her through unnecessary surgery.

whaaaaat2 · 01/10/2025 22:24

My 10 year old had his ears pinned back last year, on the NHS.

I was surprised, it was a much bigger op than I was expecting!

Themedat · 01/10/2025 22:24

Bit weird but I would base the answer on the rest of her face. If the rest of her is average or ‘less’ (don’t know the appropriate polite word sorry) then yes pin them asap.

If the rest of her face is beautiful then I would leave them. The most drawdropping stunning people I know all have some weird quirk. Really odd stuff which would look insane on an average face. But on their otherwise beautiful flawless selves it just looks amazing. I can’t describe it if you haven’t seen this.

Deadringer · 01/10/2025 22:25

My dcs ears stuck out noticeably when they were young, by the time they were in their teens they were fine, it's like they grew into them somehow. Having said that, my ears stick out too and I hate them.

whaaaaat2 · 01/10/2025 22:25

Sorry I should add - it was done under general anaesthetic, not local.

padsi1975 · 01/10/2025 22:26

I had it done as an adult. I was mortified as a child and teenager when people passed comment....and they frequently did. My only regret is that one isn't pinned back enough and I'm still self conscious a bit (I won't tie my hair up) but it's a significant improvement. Do it. You are kind to consider saving her from this. I do know adults that I guess don't care (stick out ears, wear their hair tied back) so she may not care of course.

LEWWW · 01/10/2025 22:26

Whether people like it or not, bullies exist and most of their parents wouldn’t give one jot of care that they are bullies, we can’t control other people but we can control ourselves. Bullying can have devastating consequences and I certainly wouldn’t risk my DDs mental wellbeing for something that be easily sorted.

Have a conversation with her OP and let her know that it’s an option if she wants it.

GoldPoster · 01/10/2025 22:26

I wouldn’t agonise over it just do the operation, it’s unlikely she’ll grow to love the ears, maybe put up with them.

My 11 year old son was bothered by a mole on his chin and it was removed. No further worry or problems.

MidnightMummy · 01/10/2025 22:27

I would advocate to get the surgery. I grew up with very prominent ears and was teased. It took up until teenage years to approach my mum to ask for a GP visit.

The GP was surprised we’d waited so long as it was classified as a birth defect and could more easily been rectified at birth. I had the surgery on the NHS (not great timing as a teen!)

When my first born also had the same issue we took early action and taped her ears for several weeks so have happily avoided surgery.

Bumbleebeetree · 01/10/2025 22:28

I had ear pinning surgery on the NHS as a child. Absolutely zero regrets. I don't remember it being a big deal. I was 11 when I had it done 👍

Toomanyclothesinthecloset · 01/10/2025 22:28

Ihad this done age 11...my dad wasnt really for it but my mum pushed him...best decision! I am so happy she advocated it for me.

HollyIvy89 · 01/10/2025 22:29

I dislike that once person has mentioned something that I think sounds like it bothers you and you now think it’s ok to make that choice and that the NHS will pay for it.

I have elf ears. I have lived with my ears. I didn’t love them as a child but I don’t even think about my ears as an adult. I’m more worried about my wrinkles lol

Teach her to love herself is surely the answer

Buddy91 · 01/10/2025 22:32

If it’s something like that I was alway would t smile because my teeth are so bad!! I’m so greatful my mum can’t have here’s done and the first time they won’t touch them . Just be there to hold her hand and if she wants to back out she can

Buddy91 · 01/10/2025 22:33

If she really wants it 18 go privet. My big old mole used to catch it on the table at school . I'm now 32 don't link like him but she's part of me now.y derotoligitu does rages moles pins back but will change there face

LeonMccogh · 01/10/2025 22:35

I agree, I’d get them fixed and then it won’t risk ever becoming an issue. I wouldn’t hesitate to remove a significant birthmark from a young child for the same reason.

freakingscared · 01/10/2025 22:36

It’s the few things I would “ fix “ for my children if they had ugly ears , specially girls

AngryBird6122 · 01/10/2025 22:36

MidnightMummy · 01/10/2025 22:27

I would advocate to get the surgery. I grew up with very prominent ears and was teased. It took up until teenage years to approach my mum to ask for a GP visit.

The GP was surprised we’d waited so long as it was classified as a birth defect and could more easily been rectified at birth. I had the surgery on the NHS (not great timing as a teen!)

When my first born also had the same issue we took early action and taped her ears for several weeks so have happily avoided surgery.

Interesting about the birth defect thing. We went private as assumed it would not be possible on NHS, although when she was born we had to take her to Great Ormond Street as they were very deformed! But the thing that pushed us into it was when she needed glasses and her ears wouldn't let her keep a pair on! So yes, I guess it is a birth defect.

Elmo311 · 01/10/2025 22:37

I wish my parents had mine done.
I should do it really but haven’t yet…
if you have the opportunity I would get it done.

XenoBitch · 01/10/2025 22:37

freakingscared · 01/10/2025 22:36

It’s the few things I would “ fix “ for my children if they had ugly ears , specially girls

You would tell your little girl that part of her body was ugly and needing fixing?
You sound part of the problem. Did you pick on kids in school for having big ears?

LeonMccogh · 01/10/2025 22:40

XenoBitch · 01/10/2025 22:37

You would tell your little girl that part of her body was ugly and needing fixing?
You sound part of the problem. Did you pick on kids in school for having big ears?

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I think PP just lives in the real world and realises her daughter would have to too. It’s nice to imagine that looks don’t matter, but they do.

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