To want my child to have cosmetic surgery?

[Savethewhales1]

I have an 8 year old DD, her ears have always protruded quite significantly. Up until recently, shes never mentioned them, nobodies ever mentioned them to her. She was recently part of a weddings bridal party and while getting ready made a number of comments about her “elf ears”. It’s the first time I’d ever heard her mention them and made me really sad.

I’d like to solve this problem now, as I believe it will likely become an area of great insecurity for her in the future and avoid any teasing down the line (girls can be cruel). I also believe it may be available on the NHS while she’s a child. However, I don’t want to make her self conscious of her ears if she isn’t and cause the insecurity.

So, AIBU?
YANBU - get them pinned back
YABU - don’t risk making her insecure if she isn’t

We all think the bullies ARE in the wrong. To suggest otherwise is non sequitur.

I guess though maybe op doesn't want the child to suffer for her principles.

Some things can't, and kids still get bullied for it. Kids get bullied for being different due to autism. Please tell me what surgery can fix that?
Oh, how about telling your kids not to bully other kids to begin with?
Victim blaming at its finest.

but surgery can fix these, so that is a moot point.

And good luck fixing that. My child is not the guinea pig while people sort out their kids

My mum had her ears pinned back as a child in the '40s.

If you think it's best for her, then do it.

surgery can't fix that. If there was surgery for that, do you think the parents would do it? Yes, they would. or are you going to tell me they wouldn't?

....................my kids don't bully anyone. what's your point?

This is a tough one OP. Is it a general anaesthetic? I don’t think I could for cosmetic reasons if it is. However, I wouldn’t judge you for having it done as I can see it comes from a place of love and trying to do right by her.

Kids should not be little shits and bully their peers.
I think it pretty awful that a mother would tell her DD that her ears were abnormal too.

but what if they are?

They are only seen as abnormal because everyone else is getting them fixed.
This is the reason why women so keen on hair removal products etc.

They are abnormal. Most children are born with ears flat to their head. My dd couldnt keep a pair of glasses on. Thats not normal.

I personally don’t think there’s anything necessarily wrong with sticky out ears

OP, you clearly have never lived with ears sticking out further than average! TBH- I'm surprised you haven't enquired about it sooner if you can still see her ears when her hair is down! Surely that is a clue that they are more projected out than average/normal?

I'm sure I read that otoplasty (ear pinning) was the most common surgery for children in the UK. I would speak to the GP initially and go from there. There is no commitment for surgery by just enquiring and getting a referral for more advice.

And plenty of people with sticky out ears have no problems with glasses at all.
I don't have sticky out ears but have problems with glasses because of my face shape...and that would take a basic reshaping of my skull to fix.

In the 80s LOADS of kids got their ears pinned back. Now you rarely hear about it. I wonder why?

Hopefully because we teach our kids that their ears don't need fixing to appease bullies.

Yes but that's not an easy fix!!! Whereas this is! I feel you are being deliberately obtuse here

nah people just do it privately

I had this done as a child and I’m very grateful to my parents

You do not seem to see the harm in getting surgery to appease bullies.

Teach your kids to not bully their peers. It is simple as that/

Nope. Normal means standard, average or typical. Prominent ears from the least noticeable to the most only affect 1-2 % of the UK population. https: // patient.info/doctor/history-examination/prominent-ears - so, no, they are not normal.

But bullying actually is completely normal in that it is absolutely typical, has always happened and is very standard and expected.

What you mean is that ears in all their shapes and forms are acceptable and within social norms, which is perfectly true.

You also mean that bullying should not be accepted, which is also true.

But no, sticking out ears are not normal, they are atypical, they absolutely 100 percent do draw attention and will amost certainly mean the child gets teased and/or bullied.

Reality is just reality. There's nothing wrong in any way at all with accepting reality and making our decisions based on that.

Ok and like I said, good luck with that! My child is not going to be the guinea pig while all of you try and teach your kids not to bully mine. Thanks but no thanks! She's got stuff to be getting on with, without her deformed ears (easily corrected) getting in the way

Wave a magic wand, be with your child at all times throughout every single moment of their lives, make sure the magical kingdom you inhabit is bully free.

Or, stop being deliberately stupid.

You can manage the latter, but you absolutely definitively cannot manage the former.

Yep. Your job is to do the right thing for your child, not to pretend you can fix all the world's problems and force them to suffer while you try.

I'm generally very against cosmetic surgery - but I think I would do it. Kids (and some adults) can be so incredibly mean and to be on the receiving end of this can be extraordinarily damaging to confidence and mental health. I would solve the "problem" before it becomes one.

NHS will do if these apply. All 3 for A. So mainly the child wants it rather then parents

• Criteria A (for children under 18) requires all of:

1. Aged >5 and <18 years.
2. The child is experiencing substantial psychological distress because of prominent ears, which surgery will resolve.
3. The child (not just the parents) desires the surgery. Referrals should not be made if the child is indifferent or opposed.

-
• Criteria B is: if ear prominence interferes with wearing hearing aids in children under 18.

private is between £2.5/3.5k