To want my child to have cosmetic surgery?

[Savethewhales1]

I have an 8 year old DD, her ears have always protruded quite significantly. Up until recently, shes never mentioned them, nobodies ever mentioned them to her. She was recently part of a weddings bridal party and while getting ready made a number of comments about her “elf ears”. It’s the first time I’d ever heard her mention them and made me really sad.

I’d like to solve this problem now, as I believe it will likely become an area of great insecurity for her in the future and avoid any teasing down the line (girls can be cruel). I also believe it may be available on the NHS while she’s a child. However, I don’t want to make her self conscious of her ears if she isn’t and cause the insecurity.

So, AIBU?
YANBU - get them pinned back
YABU - don’t risk making her insecure if she isn’t

I think there's some sort of micro fashion for elf ears, so maybe that's why the person said it. I remembered because when I heard it the other day I thought these things always become fashionable - and after all those people have been paranoid about it and had them pinned back.

I had mine pulled back 40 years ago on the NHS, I wasnt bullied over them before it was done but there would definitely have given me cause for lack of confidence as I grew older. One of my later in life friends didnt have it done as her parents didnt approve. I feel bad for her and she feels bad for me so I guess it all depends on perspective, but in 30 odd years I have never seen her tie her hair back. Anyway the op involved a hospital stay and weeks of bandage changing. I dont remember it pleasantly but so glad I had it done - one less thing to stress about. Fast forward 30 years - My daughter was blessed with my ears - large and sticking out. She had hers pulled back when she was 8. The NHS approved it 10 years ago and GP appointment and one review with surgeon.
It was a day surgery so very quick. Watching someone have general aesthetic is awful so be prepared for that. Stopping her from itching under the bandages was irritating but necessary for a quick and infection free recovery. She had a week or two off school and then wore one of the ear bands in sports for 6 weeks after. She barely remembers it and her ears have been nothing more to her than a gift to hear through ever since. Would definitely say do it sooner rather than later, if it is possible and is the type who may feel self conscious because of them as she gets older.

When I was a student nurse a long long time ago the most frequent operations on the children’s ward were appendectomy and ‘ pinning back of bat ears’ . I don’t know if it’s still available though.

Having said get them done, I do think you need to figure out how to approach getting your case reviewed carefully - you dont want to go though all the steps and then be rejected, and have now created an insecurity that didnt exist before. I'd start with objectively deciding if they are THAT bad - ie that they do really stick out badly and therefore would probably qualify, or if they are just a bit quirky. My daughter was into gymnastics and had to have her hair tied back all the time, the stuck out at 90 degrees and she has a small head and objectively larger than average ears, An awards photo was a good visual argument for her case at the appointments without me having to say too much to the sensitive GP and surgeon.

Get it done my husband and his brother had them done when young and are happy with the outcome.

Exactly this.

It seems like you have an issue with her ears not her. You need to let it go.

All the Korean beauty and K-Pop trends mean elf ears are currently becoming fashionable, and I bet that's where the phrase you heard came from. In Korea women are having fat grafted behind their ears to make them stick out.

I'd wait and see how she feels as she gets older. It would be a shame if she missed out on her beauty trend moment. And who knows, the fashion may create a more permanent acceptance of her type of ears.

My daughter’s ears stick out. My mum said she looked like a beautiful little elf. As she has grown and changed so have the prominence of her ears. She is 11 now and no one comments on her ears because they now ‘fit’ her face.

I would not let my daughter feel anything other than beautiful. If I suggested she should have surgery to ‘fix her’ I would be the one doing her psychological harm.

Teaching her to love her individual beauty will set her up for a more fulfilling future not cosmetic surgery x

It’s not minor. It is really very painful indeed when the local anaesthetic wears off. I mean, absolute agony. I had it done on the NHS when I was 18. I didn’t have to make a case that it was causing me distress. Children also started making comments when I was about 8 or 9. I didn’t like it but I could shrug it off. However I didn’t really want them pinning back. I’d tell your daughter to ignore mean comments and see if the desire to have surgery ever comes from her.
I am glad I did it but it’s not a decision to be taken lightly.

I had really sticky out ears as a child and hated it, there were hairstyles i couldnt have. It never occurred to me or my mother to get them pinned back but i wish she had suggested it.
i’m now in my seventies and they sit flat against my head. For the first time in my life i can pull my hair into a pony tail.

Do it. Your daughter's future will thank you. I have a friend whose young daughter had protruding ears. My friend had them done without a fanfare do it in the holidays and after a few days (I'm not a doctor) you can wash her hair. she returns to school no one will notice.

My ex husband had to have it done twice, first time the stitches were too tight and caused him immense pain so they had to take him back to theatre to fix it and he always said he wished he'd never had it done as his ears weren't that bad. Our eldest and youngest have his ears and they have never mentioned it so we left it and they are 24 and 18 now and have grown into their ears.

I have big sticky out ears, I was called dumbo as a child in school (teasing by boys, not bullying by girls.)
One sticks out more than the other…

It bothered me a little but not enough as I thought about getting my ears pinned back but never did it.

I’m quite happy with the rest of me, face, body, skin. Would like longer thicker hair on my head (maybe to hide those ears?!) but you can’t have it all.
My ears stick out when I wear my hair down. I happily tie my hair in a ponytail or a bun and I think it looks cute.

I don’t care now and it hasn’t bothered me for years/decades. My partner also has big sticky out ears but luckily for him he has lovely thick hair to hide them…

Our first born has them, but he’s got the personality to carry it. Our second born ears are less extreme so lucky him!!

A drug addict/alcoholic on the street once said to me as I walked past with the pushchair “Your boy looks just like you… Same ears!” It made me chuckle.

Not sure if this helps but wanted to share my life experience of having big sticky out ears.

Just as something to consider - I had enormous ears as a child and they really stuck out but somehow I seem to have grown in to them - I wouldn’t wear my hair up for years. Hopefully surgery has progressed as the people who I saw who had had their ears pinned back looked like they were stuck to the side of their head which was also not a good look.

Yes, I didn't think you'd have much in the way of substantive response. As I say, pretty indefensible. We'll have to agree to disagree, won't we!

Whatever decision you make will be the right one go with your gut feeling. Best of luck.

You can literally solve lots of things with plastic surgery

Plastic surgeons are very important. Get off your high horse.

Sticky out ears are actually en vogue at the moment! Look at all the Japanese cartoons. It's a positive thing.

As a family with big noses, sticky out ears, etc, there is always something to be conscious of. We were all bullied for these, and other random things. Sadly, bullying will occur whatever the flaw.

So, you have to promote resilience, embrace the look, DD's have enhanced said ears by having multiple piercings, looks great. Nose piercings too. Look out for celebs with big noses and big ears, there are a lot. Strong features are a good thing 😎

I have plenty to say, just now choosing not to engage with you.

"I have rational counterpoints that would completely refute your arguments... but I'm choosing not to share them."

OK. I'll count myself lucky. Have a good day!

It can be done on the NHS as my son's was many years ago. However that was then and this is now, times have changed. Good luck.

👋🏻