To insist DH goes NC with work colleague?

[Fishfridays]

I’ll start this by saying that I’ve long found it a bit odd how often DH messages a particular colleague outside of work, but I’ve had no reason to be suspicious as they do share a hobby and I’ve seen them message about this when it is on TV etc. Also, she lives in Scotland and we are down South so they never meet up.

However, I’ve seen recent messages between them and now have proof that these have become inappropriate.

I took photos of some of them using my phone so DH can’t lie about what was said.

This is one of the exchanges at the weekend.

C (Colleague) - it’s a shame I live so far away and can never come on the work nights out
DH - you aren’t missing much, they aren’t exactly wild
C - I bet you don’t think I have a wild side
DH - you probably do compared to the others 😂
C - People always think I’m innocent, but I’m in to all sorts
DH - it’s probably a good job you keep that side hidden at work then
C - Yeah, some of the tools I’ve got, you wouldn’t want me flashing them on our 10.30’s
DH - I don’t think flashing would go down well full stop somehow
C - I bet you’d enjoy it though
DH - depends what would be flashed
C - Lets just say I like being dom 🍆
DH - yeah, definitely for the best there’s no flashing then 😂
C - 😂😂

I have confronted DH about these messages and he said he felt uncomfortable but was being polite in response without leading her on as he doesn’t want to make things awkward at work.

I’ve asked him to go NC with her outside of work and he doesn’t think this is necessary but said he’d steer any conversations like that away ‘next time’.

I feel livid but he’s made me feel as if I’m being OTT. Does anyone honestly read that and think they’d be comfortable if it was their own DH?

It's not controlling to have boundaries in a relationship.

I would "tell my husband what to do" . But I will happily make it clear what things are relationship deal breakers for me. He's free to do them. And I am free to walk away from the relationship if he does. Thats not being controlling, its having standards.

So its boundaries when a woman does it but when a man it is controlling

Nope. Controlling is when it's unhealthy boundaries. Asking someone not to keep messaging a colleague who is being aggressively flirty and sexual is not being controlling

Boundaries is pointing out when someone should have put those boundaries in place themselves. If a work colleague sent messages to me like that I would have blocked them and reported them to HR!

No it’s still not flirting imo even with this sentence. If you take this sentence in the overall context he clearly wants to shut it down but is too polite too

ive been on the receiving end of this kind of behaviour recently