Hen party - was this comment a bit shitty?

[Hulling91]

I’m in a WhatsApp group for my friends hen - I’m not organising it but I’m close friends with the girl who is.

She put a perfectly polite message in the chat on Saturday to ask for people’s instagram user names, as she’d tag any photos etc.

One of the attendees didn’t reply, so she chased her earlier. The reply back was ‘Sorry, but given I’m 33 with two kids and a full time job, I don’t use Instagram and prefer to update those close to me personally about things’.

Just feels a bit…awkward? She only knows the hen and not the rest of the group going.

She's probably just a bit frazzled in her day-to-day life and doesn't have the bandwidth for social media, but she could have conveyed this more politely imho. 'I'm 33' feels a bit unnecessary, like she thinks SM is childish or something.

I have no objection with mild swearing. Name calling, however, is rude but so is your entire message so it isn't that surprising.

It’s just a reference often used for children to let them know if they should say something or not.

Perfectly reasonable, believable reply.

Yeah it was weird. It comes across as a dig at people who use Instagram (I don't) as though they're immature and have too much time on their hands.
I don't understand why sje couldn't have just said "I don't use instagram".

Assuming everyone has Instagram was a bit weird too, but definitely didn't warrant a rude response like this one.

The comments saying it’s not rude baffle me! It’s clearly rude and a dig.

Would I have said it like that - probably not , but yes I agree with the sentiment and hence I don’t think the person sending it should have chased

At the risk of sounding like a stereotypical "youth of today" miserable old lady (I'm only 38!) it astounds me what people consider not rude these days.

The "say what you want, do what you want, always be yourself, you do you, it's THEIR problem" narrative that's being spread everywhere you look is cuasing a very insular and unhappy society.

Of course you should think of others before you speak, if you still want others to be around you.

Of course, if you don't, you could always bugger off off of the WhatsApp groups and don't come to the hen do, but you can't have it both ways. You can't expect to treat people shittily and still have friends

You don't sound miserable at all. The 33 year old non instagram user sounds it though. I would have had to hold myself back from replying saying I hope you're more cheerful on the hen do.

I don't use Instagram. I don't "get" it and I can't figure out how to use it. Same with X/twitter.

I'm happier on comfortable old Facebook that I've used since my early 20s and know how to navigate.

I'm certainly not rude about people who do use it though, any more than I expect people to make judgements at me for only using Facebook.

Isn't this just basic courtesy and normal behaviour?

A 33 year old adult should know this

Yes, I was agreeing with you.

I don't use it even though I have got an account.

I agree that I don't use instagram would have been enough, not a snotty reply.

I know you were, I was just musing/chatting xx

Ah she s playing the self important busy card, like no-one else has a job and looks after kids

"I'm sorry you are cearly finding a perfectly average adult life such a challenge.."

Erm I never met anyone who would be "haranguing" someone who doesn't have and Instagram account?? What for?

But even if that was a case - you dont start with this self-righteous message, you start with "I dont have an Instagram account"... and then move on to deal with this imagined situation where someone can't accept you not having an account.

Aw I feel a bit sorry for this woman. It’s horrible being added to a hen party WhatsApp when you don’t know the rest of the group and then you’re expected to just agree and go along with everything cheerfully like it’s North Korea or you get bitched about and told to ‘not bother’ being part of the hen party or ‘let’s give her the shit camp bed’ vibe. Vile.

You’re at the mercy of some pissed-with-power MofH who doesn’t know you, won’t give a shit about you and will get a load of other bitchy grown adults (who are old enough to know better) to treat you like shit and bully you too.

I would bet money that’s exactly why she adopted that ‘snotty’ tone.

No. I think that's perfectly appropriate.

North Korea, give over
All she had to say was, 'I'm not on Instagram so no need to worry about tagging me.'
If she generally responds like that to innocuous questions then I think she needs some sort of help or just to give her head a wobble

I think she is on instagram though, right? Just hardly uses it for the reasons she stated

The OP quotes her as saying, 'I don’t use Instagram', which, yes, could be read to mean either 'I don't use my account much' or 'I don't have an account.'
The point remains the same whichever way though; she didn't need to be a twat about it.

I don’t think it was bitchy at all.
She’s probably pissed off at all the naff hen party talk eg ‘Oh let’s all wear pink cowboy hats’ or ‘Right, everyone dress in black and the bride to be will wear white’. That kind of crap that I can’t stand either.

What naff hen party talk? We don't know how the conversation's gone.
Anyway, even if they have been talking about pink cowboy hats (and I also hate those sort of hen-do carryings-on, for the record), how is it OK to snipe at people rather than just politely and briefly tell them you're not on Instagram?
Do some of you message/speak to people like this IRL?

Some of the posts on here are insane.
People have hallucinated entire conversations and interactions that have taken part in this WhatsApp group without any evidence whatsoever!

Sounds rude tbh. No need for the comments. Some people love to make others feel less than, she sounds like one of them