Hen party - was this comment a bit shitty?

[Hulling91]

I’m in a WhatsApp group for my friends hen - I’m not organising it but I’m close friends with the girl who is.

She put a perfectly polite message in the chat on Saturday to ask for people’s instagram user names, as she’d tag any photos etc.

One of the attendees didn’t reply, so she chased her earlier. The reply back was ‘Sorry, but given I’m 33 with two kids and a full time job, I don’t use Instagram and prefer to update those close to me personally about things’.

Just feels a bit…awkward? She only knows the hen and not the rest of the group going.

Unnecessarily judgy of her - if I was in a group chat, only knew the bride and was going to have to hang out with everyone else, I'd just say, 'I'm not on Instagram'.

She may well be judging everyone in the group, thinking they're immature or whatever, but I'd be judging her back. It's a bit stuck up.

I say this as someone who is 46 and isn't on Instagram. I don't think I'm better than anyone else for it, though. (TikTok takes up too much of my time).

sounds like another over the top hen do that she is already fed up with . Yes , her response was abit rude but I bet she’s been told already what she has to wear , timetables of what she has to do and smile for the cameras . SoDraining.com

She comes across as a bit of a knob, her age and parent status are totally irrelevant. Why not just say "I don't use instagram".

Hopefully she'll pull out if she considers it all beneath her. It's better for everyone not to have a grouch with a superiority complex at the hen.

I may have missed this detail, but I think it depends on the wording of the original message as to whether or not it was rude not to respond.

E.g. if it’s worded as ‘If you’re on IG and want to be tagged in photos, then send me your handle’, then that is only asking for a response from people who meet both those criteria.

If it was more like: ‘Can everyone please reply to let me know whether or not they’re happy for pictures of them to go onto Instagram and, if so, whether they want to be tagged and what their IG handle is?’ then it could be seen as rude not to reply. But she could also just have been busy and/or forgotten and it’s not like it’s something really significant.

I know it can be annoying as an organiser to have lots to do though and that things that seem important to the organiser don’t always register in the same way with others not at the centre of it. If not being tagged is something that people get upset by, I wouldn’t be worried if someone hadn’t replied with the info to allow me to tag them, as that’s on them.

Absolutely she was right. Why on earth would anyone want to be tagged in these photos. Assuming alcohol is involved or some very unflattering photos, it would have irritated me too to be asked for my personal account. It wasn’t rude, it was telling someone who clearly couldn’t think a bit deeper to think using her brains.

This

Over the top hen dos is not beneath anyone . It’s totally upto the hen what type of hen do she wants . The problem is , unfortunately you want to go , sign up to go and then the pressure, the lists of outfits you need , the money that’s expected to fork out, the timetable you have to stick to is just litterallly over the top and all for the sake of some fake, false, fakery fun , insta photos . No thanks . I’d rather it was just real , fun, a great laugh and down to earth . Crack on

No idea why she chased her for it. She should have accepted that whoever responded had Instagram and was happy to be tagged, whoever didn’t either doesn’t use it or doesn’t want to be tagged. Simple. I’d have been annoyed about being chased too.

Couldn't she have used her brains and found a way to respond that doesn't include utterly irrelevant information though? Plenty of mothers and 30somethings on instagram. She may as well have included how many jars of pesto she has purchased this year for all the value it adds to her response.

YABU. The person's reply was a bit curt, but clearly someone has gone out of their way to pursue her to ask for her insta account, which is so immature and childish it probably annoyed her. I wouldn't have replied with mine either. The person trying to get this info should have the nous to recognise that if you've asked for someone's info and they haven't given it and it isn't necessary, you drop it, you don't chase them down and keep pushing. How embarrassing.

Of course it’s a rude response from the guest. Everyone knows this 😂

I don’t use Instagram either but I wouldn’t be snide about it!

Both the chaser and the self important replier are awful.

Chasing should not have occurred but a simple - I'm not on Instagram and I don't wish to be tagged, sorry. would have been sufficient.
She'll be fine on the hens. Expect no worries.

Perfectly ok to double check/chase. Not unusual for someone to forget to reply etc.

Her reply was really rude and if I was in the group I'd be writing her off as a bit of a silly knobhead.

I don’t see anything wrong with this message, a presumption was made that everyone has Insta & would like to be tagged, & she was explaining that she doesn’t

Well no. 'Everyone' doesn't know this, since roughly half the thread disagree that the guest was rude.

Odd/interesting that the voting doesn't match the comments. 70% think the OP is unreasonable - but the majority of replies go the other way. I think there's more to that than just disapproval of the chasing up weighting the vote. One could write a thesis.

You don't see anything wrong with the "I'm 33 with two kids a job" bit? As if this was either unusual or would be a reason to assume she wasn't on instagram. I don't do any social media but I am capable of saying that without including a load of weirdly irrelevant facts about myself.

I also think the person asking sounds like a tit as well, just for balance.

May she had enough of hearing about ig fb or any other posting site.
It seems like thats all people want to do is post there lifes.

Very curt but I'd find the request super naff and might also be a bit snippy.

Most of the hen party will thinks she's not that friendly so I can't see her having much fun.

‘Immature dickhead’ is what I’d think

your reading comprehension really is non-existent, isn't it?
Try again. I used third person singular "SHE should have," i.e. calling her a twat. Not you.

My language 😂. Really scraping the barrel of disapproval there. Heaven forfend a woman uses a mild swear word in 2025. MN allows swearing, not if you don't like it then don't use the site.

She doesn’t need to “explain” that she has children and a job (and is therefore FAR too important and busy for Instagram). She can just say she doesn’t have it.