Hen party - was this comment a bit shitty?

[Hulling91]

I’m in a WhatsApp group for my friends hen - I’m not organising it but I’m close friends with the girl who is.

She put a perfectly polite message in the chat on Saturday to ask for people’s instagram user names, as she’d tag any photos etc.

One of the attendees didn’t reply, so she chased her earlier. The reply back was ‘Sorry, but given I’m 33 with two kids and a full time job, I don’t use Instagram and prefer to update those close to me personally about things’.

Just feels a bit…awkward? She only knows the hen and not the rest of the group going.

She probably took offence to being chased. Although really it’s her own fault for not just saying “I’m not on Instagram myself, but looking forward to seeing the pics!” or similar. No need for the supercilious “Oh, I’m far too busy with my actual life for any such trivial frippery” response.

I bet she’ll have a stick lodged for the whole trip.

In the 80s ( when I was the age where I would now be all over the social media platforms) there was nothing. The equivalent was people like my best friend who made a huge point of never, ever watching TV because she was superior and an intellectual. Now people who consider themselves better than others make a point of not being on social media.

I use Instagram but my account isn't public and I wouldn't want to be tagged. I probably wouldn't have been snotty though, unless people were making a big thing of it. Then again I wouldn't be going on a hen do in the first place!

Yes, she did.

I wouldn't be falling over myself to get to know her at the hen party.

I'm a lot older and don't really use Instagram. I have an account but I have no idea how to use it properly.

Sounded perfectly reasonable to me. I’d call it U to assume that absolutely everybody uses Instagram.

All she needed to say was, 'I don't use Instagram, so no need to worry about tagging me!'
I don't see why she needed to snark about being '33 with two kids and a full time job'; it seems like a dig both at people who are in a similar position (i.e. 'you may think Insta is more important than your kids and job, but I don't), and at those who maybe don't work and/or don't have kids.
It's pretty rude however you slice it.

I'm split on this, the response is a bit catty, but I also hate been tagged on things on social media, to the point I spend a lot of time checking settings so I can't be. To be chased over something like this would probably get a similar response out of me

A snotty remark! She is 33, so young! I am her age and almost everyone I know is on instagram.

'telling the truth' here would be a simple matter of saying, 'I'm not on Instagram,' not taking the opportunity to snit at others who are.
And if a message arrives when you don't feel in a good frame of mind to answer it, you don't have to. As an adult she should be capable of thinking, 'I'll leave that til I don't feel quite so annoyed by it.'

I mean, she’s not wrong but there are ways of saying it which are less offensive.

Of course it was shitty and 'oh look at me, a superior being'
It's like when you ak about childcare.
Answer: we don't use any - fine.
Answer: well some of us prefer to raise our own children and not to farm them out, so we don't use any - a bit different, no?

So why wouldn’t “I don’t use Instagram” be enough to make this point? Why the superior gumpf about her children and job?

I mean there is the point that people treat you like an alien if you don’t use instagram (don’t get me started on how fucking weird people are when you don’t drink)

Her reply could have been nicer but it does my head in to find I’ve been tagged in loads of photos and videos after a night out. Has the whole thing been organised around how it looks on IG? From experience organising an aesthetically pleasing hen do ends up costing everyone more

I dare say she was irritated about being chased for it. And personally I wouldn’t call the info ‘superior’, just a bit irritatedly factual.

She only needed to say she didn't use Instagram. Not all the "I'm far too busy and important and mature to use Instagram" bollocks. Hope she doesn't spoil the hen and wedding by snarking at the bride. I'm imagining her with an angry look on her face in the photos.

I share her view about IG and I would not touch that shitty brainless app with a barge pole. But she clearly uses a entitled stiff upper lip tone projecting she is a superior being for not doing something that everybody else does in the group .
I would be in the lookout with this one, OP. She seems to be a shit stirrer. Maybe the rest of the group so kick the bitch out the group and get on with the hen on your own. It's better to nip these kind of things in the bud before they escalate and some tension builds up potentially kicking off during the hen itself.

She won't be tagged though, will she?

The organiser shouldn’t have chased again. It’s really not a big deal.
she gave her reasons why she isn’t on IG. If she’d said she doesn’t have an account would she have been asked to make one?

Silly cow, unnecessarily rude comment, could have just said she's not on insta.
But she wanted to emphasise how very very busy she is ..... obv far more than anyone else in the group.

bet she's a pain in the arse on the day.

Miaauuuuu, methinks the lady does protest too much...
I am 51, have a full time job, kid a husband and horror! an instagram account. Set to private but I do use it. Weird woman. She's problably one of those who likes to feel superior because they don't do this or don't go there. Ignore. I wouldn't stretch myself to get to know her at the hen either.

It is quite a judgemental and superior post. It would have been politer to have just said that she wasn’t on instagram rather than suggesting it was beneath her with her busy and mature lifestyle. I’m sure she will be a right laugh on the hen do!

“I don’t have an Instagram account” is even more factual.

What? Surely the bride is the one who gets to decide who's invited or involved in her hen do? What with it being about her and all that? Are you so dense that you can't just avoid someone you aren't keen on? And you're calling someone else catty and a bitch?