To tell stepson’s girlfriend she’s not sleeping over again after what I walked in on??

[AutumnMum28]

DSS (17) has had his girlfriend over a few times now, I’ve been fine with it, they sit in the living room with snacks and films etc, nothing major. Last night OH was on nights and I went up early with baby (who doesn’t sleep 🙄). Came down about midnight because I’d left washing in the machine and nearly had a heart attack when I walked past the living room… let’s just say I saw FAR too much, blanket half on the floor, both of them half naked 😳 I honestly feel sick even writing this.

I didn’t say anything in the moment, just stomped upstairs, but now I feel so uncomfortable in my own house. I’ve got younger DC (10, 5, 17mo) and it just doesn’t sit right at all. He’s technically still in sixth form, under our roof, and I don’t want this kind of thing going on.

OH says “he’s nearly an adult, better they’re safe here than in the park” 🙄 but I don’t want my home turning into a hotel room. I don’t even know how to look her in the eye now, poor girl looked mortified too.

So AIBU to tell him she’s not sleeping over anymore? Or do I need to suck it up and accept it?

Sex is not bad. The poster just doesn't allow it under her roof and her children respect their boundaries.

My parents didn't tell me sex was bad, but they encouraged me to wait until in s suitable relationship, and I knew I couldn't do it in their house and especially not with their knowledge; so it held less interest for me as I also hate discomfort.

Yes, I experimented from around 18 and I was careful, but it wasn't something we dined on as a family, and Ididn'tbringa noy home until 20. In fact, I had very little before then, as there wasn't a comfortable place to do it.

Parents do not need to know and share in every aspect of teenage activities. I've seen enough threads on MN from accommodating parents, where the teenagers are pregnant or in unstable relationships to know giving them a room is not a foolproof plan.

Ok in an ideal world he would have now own room
but life isn’t perfect. This should be the prompt to sort something out. Even if it’s some
sort of room divider.

Yes because that needed to be done at midnight when a young man had his gf staying in the only area available to him for any privacy.

Doesn’t sound like the lad is allowed any space his own away from disapproving eyes

Maybe missing the point here but are you saying that one of the bedrooms is dedicated to Lego’s with no one sleeping in there…?

Yep!!

Sorry OP - but if he doesn't get his own room then the living room is his private space, and he is entitled to the same right to privacy that every other 17 year old is.

He either needs his own room, or you all agree that the living room is a no-go area during the evening/night time hours, whether his girlfriend is there or not.

Yeah agree with the majority here op.

You need the baby back in with you. The other 2 sharing and DSS in the box

I don’t want my home turning into a hotel room.

You get a bedroom in a hotel.

You are massively unreasonable to be offended by him having sex in the living room, when that is the only available space for him to sleep.

If there is no door on the room? You need to rig something up for him to have some privacy!

Do you have space in the garden for a little wooden lodge, we know a couple of people who have ‘garden offices’ with electricity in the main room and a little en-suite toilet. They are super useful spaces, if you can stretch to it and quick to erect so as long as you comply with any planning (I’m not sure if sleeping overnight in one would count as living in one) it would be a quick short term fix. He would use the main house for eating, showering and hanging out.
We did a loft extension but our children were younger, you may want to look at that long term so the little ones get more space as they grow.

I imagined her livingroom may be at the bottom of the stairwell like ours is and you have to go through it to get to anywhere. In which case he has even lass privacy

In the day time it’s a living area. In the night time it’s his bedroom. If OP doesn’t like that idea or wants the freedom to grab the washing at 10pm? Give the stepson his own room. Move into a property where there are an appropriate number of bedrooms. Or better yet, sort out this mess with your new husband BEFORE you decide to get knocked up again in a property that already doesn’t have enough rooms.

The teenager has done nothing wrong. The real issue here are the two selfish parents.

In the past - or indeed in European homes now - there isn’t one bedroom per child. Or even in the UK - some people have six, ten, twelve dcs - should they all get their own room?

Regardless of whether this boy is full son or step-son, shagging in the house with other people, especially children present is not on. They could either time their passionate interludes for when OP is out (school run?!) or, since it is all fine and dandy according to some posters, the girlfriend’s house. (But I bet you the girl’s parents would see off young Romeo with a bootprint in his pants…)

In this situation he absolutely should have his own room though and his parent should be on the sofa.

Then he'll say "But you have sex" and she can't deny it because they have a baby

To add If no space/funds then you n can either move into the middle room and put your 3 in the biggest room and DSS in the little room, or baby back in your room, other children sharing the other room and then the DSS in the little room. TBH he has no personal space for privacy, I would be more concerned about that then walking in on him and his girlfriend.

Agree 100%. And there’s something about the tone of the OP that sounds like this wasn’t an accident and she’s rather enjoying catching him out so she can cause a drama and ban the gf

😂😂😂

Sorry, so, OP and hubby shouldn’t shag either, yeah? Because of the ‘risk’ to the younger kids?

My god, some of you give prude a new definition. It’s not the teenage boy’s fault his selfish as Hell parents decided to move into a property that wasn’t suitable when they merged families. These are the kind of things you’re meant to consider before shacking up.

The living room is his bedroom though.

Actually surprised there wasn't a 'will nobody think of the CHILDREN!! 😭'
here, probably because he's learned from his parents from how he's treated that other people don't have to be taken into consideration, you just put yourself first.
Before toddler came along, did the younger 2 share a room or has he never been given a room with you @AutumnMum28 ?

So how did the op and her og conceive their second then?

Did he have a room before you blended the families? If he lost it so you can live with your DP I think you have to accept this but be really noisy if you come down stairs. Poor kids. Much better they aren't doing it on a park bench.

Poor sod.

@AutumnMum28 YANBU. What does your OH's statement that "he's nearly 18" have to do with anything? Why do you think your DSS being "nearly grown up" has any bearing on this situation? Does your DSS pay rent? Pay for his food? Use of utilities, etc? Will he when he's 18 (because, you know, he'll be all "grown up" then, won't he?) How in any way does your DSS's desires trump yours in your home FFS? Your OH needs to grow a pair and tell his DS "not under our roof". When your DSS is renting his own place he can bring back whoever he likes and they can do whatever they like, but not in your home.

Two question marks - rude! I had read the full post yes but clearly not the updates. Concentrate on your own reply.

They are nearly 18 according to the OP, why do you bet the girls parents would ‘see off young Romeo with a bootprint’ 😵‍💫

They are at a completely normal age to be in a relationship and sexually active, weird if both sets of parents have ‘boundaries’ forbidding it in the family home.

To be honest, if she's staying over then of course they're going to be doing stuff like this! I have a 20 yr old son and I don't think I'd be overly happy with him sleeping with a girlfriend in our house at age 17 but I accept I'm probably in the minority.