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Original poster

LACK OF POTTY TRAINING BEFORE STARTING SCHOOL.

262 replies

DARNLY · 30/09/2025 08:22

I think he is just trying to make a general point that many children (not specific children with various health issues such as prematurity, of course they should have extra support and help). are turning up to school at the ages of 4/5 not potty trained at all. Parents surely must take some responsibility for this. 1 teacher, 30 plus children with what appears to be levels of up to half the classes not potty trained. This is an impossible situation for the teacher, disruptive for education and difficult to time manage and not good for the child. Along with issues of an increasing lack of discipline in some very young children, teachers are leaving in their droves, we are in crisis. They are teachers not parents and do a fine job caring for our little ones in exceptional difficult circumstances these days. I was a working midwife and mother of 3 children. It was expected among parents of reception classes to try to ensure children were potty trained Potty training surely is a parents responsibility not a teachers. I don't remember any child in any class not being potty trained or virtually there. A busy state school with 30 plus in the class.

OP posts:
mxd · 30/09/2025 19:42

The readiness thing is a load of rubbish. T Berry Brazelton has clear ties with Pampers/P&G

Zanatdy · 30/09/2025 19:44

When my eldest was little you could start playgroup at 2.5yrs old, but had to be potty trained. So many did it for that, which meant were trained ready for school nursery at 3, and then reception at 4.

TwilightAb · 30/09/2025 20:02

CaptainMyCaptain · 30/09/2025 19:42

I was a working single parent and I managed.

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Me too but lets not let that get in the way of some good old working Mum bashing.

OneAmusedShark · 30/09/2025 21:21

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mxd · 30/09/2025 21:23

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It's not too late to delete this

WoodenBoat80 · 30/09/2025 21:24

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Jesus I think that’s abit of a stretch.

PassportPhotosAreHorrific · 30/09/2025 21:27

DARNLY · 30/09/2025 08:22

I think he is just trying to make a general point that many children (not specific children with various health issues such as prematurity, of course they should have extra support and help). are turning up to school at the ages of 4/5 not potty trained at all. Parents surely must take some responsibility for this. 1 teacher, 30 plus children with what appears to be levels of up to half the classes not potty trained. This is an impossible situation for the teacher, disruptive for education and difficult to time manage and not good for the child. Along with issues of an increasing lack of discipline in some very young children, teachers are leaving in their droves, we are in crisis. They are teachers not parents and do a fine job caring for our little ones in exceptional difficult circumstances these days. I was a working midwife and mother of 3 children. It was expected among parents of reception classes to try to ensure children were potty trained Potty training surely is a parents responsibility not a teachers. I don't remember any child in any class not being potty trained or virtually there. A busy state school with 30 plus in the class.

Who is he?

Allswellthatendswelll · 30/09/2025 22:57

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 30/09/2025 18:52

Maybe we should live in a society that didn’t require both parents to work to afford to live. Then women would have lots of time to ensure the milestones of their children are all hit.

I think you mean parents.

Allswellthatendswelll · 30/09/2025 22:59

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I've actually reported this as I think it's in such bad taste.

BertieBotts · 30/09/2025 23:08

Kirbert2 · 30/09/2025 18:49

What do you mean by meaningful sanction?

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They probably want to put them in prison. The children can go into a fun boot camp run by childminders and entertainers, where they get potty trained and taught to use cutlery and ship shape ready for school and the bill gets sent back to the parents when they come out of jail.

Kirbert2 · 30/09/2025 23:13

BertieBotts · 30/09/2025 23:08

They probably want to put them in prison. The children can go into a fun boot camp run by childminders and entertainers, where they get potty trained and taught to use cutlery and ship shape ready for school and the bill gets sent back to the parents when they come out of jail.

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To be honest, that wouldn't surprise me with some of the suggestions on here.

incognitomummy · 01/10/2025 00:31

Livpool · 30/09/2025 16:59

This is such a lazy attitude! It is a job for the parents

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If a child is in nursery 8-6 on 5 days a week then potty training is a job to be shared between parents and nursery. This is a fact of life for families with 2 working parents.

if nurseries cannot or will not get involved then they should not be running a childcare facility.

incognitomummy · 01/10/2025 00:35

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 30/09/2025 16:02

@DARNLY I have had this argument on here before! absolutely no excuse for not toilet training a normal child but you get the numpties on here saying this that and the next thing to make themselves seem better. they dont seem to realise that you must stay in the house for a couple of weeks with a pile of pants and potty out permanently! that means no nipping to supermarket or meeting friends for coffee. mums just dont want to put the work in! I have never known in my area a normal child not to be toilet trained prior to starting nursery or school!!

Nonsense. When a child is ready it works without having to stop your life and stay in.

this is not how previous generations potty trained. In fact even the term is pretty modern.

farmers had to farm. Factory workers had to work. Mum and dad were not taking annual leave from harvest for 2 weeks so they could potty trained peter and Jane…..!

incognitomummy · 01/10/2025 00:44

TimetoPour · 30/09/2025 14:16

Children with no additional needs or medical conditions should be “school ready” by the time they start reception. I am talking bare basics.

By school ready, I mean generally clean and dry- odd accidents may be expected but not daily wetting and soiling themselves.

They should be able to have a go at getting themselves dressed- if they get their shoes on the wrong feet then fine! They are still young.

They should be able to sit and eat lunch without getting up and down and have an idea how to use cutlery. They may need a help cutting but this is age appropriate help.

These are basic tasks that should be taught by parents. I don’t know when it became acceptable to dump these tasks on teachers

Who used to train parents? As I agree, NT kids should be able to do certain things in order to be ready for school in the first term after they turn 4yo….. (poor child who is 4 on 31 August. Compared to the oldest child born on 1 Sept!)

but who used to train parents to know this and where have they gone?

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 01/10/2025 01:02

incognitomummy · 01/10/2025 00:44

Who used to train parents? As I agree, NT kids should be able to do certain things in order to be ready for school in the first term after they turn 4yo….. (poor child who is 4 on 31 August. Compared to the oldest child born on 1 Sept!)

but who used to train parents to know this and where have they gone?

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Usually their parents. Unfortunately due to cost of living and raised retirement ages their parents are also still working.

TimetoPour · 01/10/2025 01:20

incognitomummy · 01/10/2025 00:44

Who used to train parents? As I agree, NT kids should be able to do certain things in order to be ready for school in the first term after they turn 4yo….. (poor child who is 4 on 31 August. Compared to the oldest child born on 1 Sept!)

but who used to train parents to know this and where have they gone?

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Probably the same people that used to train common sense, taking pride in your appearance, and looking after your home.

I know this isn’t the 1950s, not everyone can be a stay at home parent but attitudes and values have generally changed over the years. It seems to be acceptable to leave basic parenting to someone else, do the school run in your PJs etc. It’s sad that people simply just don’t care anyone.

With internet resources (such as Mumsnet!) there are loads of places to find immediate, independent advice. It’s incognito so no one to make you feel silly for asking and accessible to all. You just have to have the motivation to want to try instead of waiting for it to be handed to you.

mxd · 01/10/2025 06:26

incognitomummy · 01/10/2025 00:31

If a child is in nursery 8-6 on 5 days a week then potty training is a job to be shared between parents and nursery. This is a fact of life for families with 2 working parents.

if nurseries cannot or will not get involved then they should not be running a childcare facility.

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Completely disagree! Take time off.

potty training is intimate, requires trust, patience, love and care. I can't imagine wanting to palm it off onto a stranger.

CaptainMyCaptain · 01/10/2025 08:29

mxd · 01/10/2025 06:26

Completely disagree! Take time off.

potty training is intimate, requires trust, patience, love and care. I can't imagine wanting to palm it off onto a stranger.

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It worked for me and my child.

OneAmusedShark · 01/10/2025 08:31

incognitomummy · 01/10/2025 00:35

Nonsense. When a child is ready it works without having to stop your life and stay in.

this is not how previous generations potty trained. In fact even the term is pretty modern.

farmers had to farm. Factory workers had to work. Mum and dad were not taking annual leave from harvest for 2 weeks so they could potty trained peter and Jane…..!

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I think Peter and Jane were probably ready as soon as they could walk because they knew they were wet, smelly and uncomfortable due to numerous rashes caused by cloth nappies and probably got it more quickly as a result.

Sorry for repeating the poor-taste observations of DH before. I put it down to too much wine on the part of us both!

Morecoffeethanks · 01/10/2025 08:40

Are many children really not potty trained at four years old? It seems hard to believe to me as a mum of a just turned four year old.
we live in France now where children start mandatory pre-school aged 3 (or slightly younger depending on their birthday) all children must be “clean” when starting, of course the odd one isn’t fully using the toilet at nearly three but the vast majority are and from what I have seen the others get it pretty quickly.
Do English nurseries offer the toilet at nappy changes? I know for my daughter at crèche that was the case from around 18 months old, but we also did that at home too.
Are they classing children having the odd accident as not potty trained? As ofcourse if they are in a new environment and busier than usual that might happen, but I can’t imagine them happily peeing and pooing in their pants at that age!

mxd · 01/10/2025 08:49

CaptainMyCaptain · 01/10/2025 08:29

It worked for me and my child.

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Selfish. Bet you were popular

MaturingCheeseball · 01/10/2025 08:55

This was about 15 years ago, but I remember ds’s school telling a mother of someone that she must come in to change her child, and there was some kerfuffle as she was saying it was school’s job.

Anyone can have an accident (I wet my pants on my first day of school - I can still see my tights hanging on the big radiator 😭 ) but turning up every day in a nappy is unacceptable. One child is a nuisance, but the day is going to be severely interrupted if multiple kids are needing to be cleaned up.

In Italy at nursery school (pre 6 years old) there was an elderly lady who spent all day sitting by the toilets doing the necessary. What a job!!

mxd · 01/10/2025 09:40

Theres a boy at my son's preschool, he's 3.5 at least.
parents started training at the weekend and he's been in pre-school Monday, Tuesday and today.

Honestly, it's so stupid. They have 2 months off over summer and they chose to train now!!

CaptainMyCaptain · 01/10/2025 12:04

mxd · 01/10/2025 08:49

Selfish. Bet you were popular

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Selfish how? What do you mean?

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