Tell me about the kind, gentle, caring men in your life.

[Aweemawe]

This evening I was walking alone on a quiet road at dusk when I met a man, also on a walk. He seemed such a pleasant, friendly person. We had a short conversation and then went on your way. It got me thinking that most of the men I know and meet in real life are actually delightful people, not at all like the horrifying specimens that I so often read about on here. It made me think that the representation of men on here is probably very much skewed towards the rotters. So let’s talk about the womderful men, for a change.

I’ll tell you a bit about three of mine to get us started:

My nephew (27) is an animal lover and such a gentle soul. He has rescued three caged hens and spent more than he can afford to give them a lovely big home and an enriching environment to scratch about in. They will sit in his lap and let him pet them.

My co-worker has adopted three little boys with his husband. He showed me a video today of one of his sons performing in a school concert and was almost literally bursting with pride and there were tears in his eyes. He has so much compassion for the journey his children are travelling and takes such joy in their achievements. He and his partner run an amazing home, they are always cooking with the boys and their house is super clean and cozy. The children are so proud of their dads.

My neighbour. I live in an area where most people’s homes as powered by just electricity, but he has had oil heating installed. He also had a gas camping stove. When storms hit last winter and our area had a power cut, he set up the camping stove in his kitchen and knocked on everyone’s door on the street offering them to come over to fill a flask with hot water and/or have a cup of tea with him. When I went round with a flask, there were several elderly ladies who had been there all day, because their homes were cold and dark. None of us had met him before that day, he was literally inviting strangers in out of the cold.

Over to you :-)

Not necessarily. Stop judging on a few words.

I often think this when reading all the horrendous stories on here. My Dad is a lovely man who is still with my Mum after 55 years, raised me and my siblings superbly. Same can be said of my husband. And he’s only 14, but my son is a really special boy. He lights up our lives. He’s kind and truly special. Me and my DH can see it, so can the grandparents and his headmaster has cottoned on to the fact he’s just an extraordinarily nice boy.

I feel the same about 3 of my ex’s - nice, funny men and at least 10 male colleagues and friends.

I know far more nice men than shit ones. But I can spot a shit one a mile off and just avoid them I suppose. You have a choice in who you surround yourself with.

My late dad. The kindest gentlest man who ever existed. He didn’t have a bad word to say about anybody. ❤️
My DH. I went to see a band on Saturday night. Stayed in a hotel and barely slept.
Went to bed at 3pm on Sunday tired and worse for wear. He brought me a brew, jam toast and fetched my scrubs from the car and washed them ready for work yesterday. ❤️
18 year old DS. Loves cats, has reunited one with its owner after it was missing for 4 weeks. Brought home a kitten that he thought was a stray because it followed him. It wasn’t actually a stray and we had to take it back. 😂
Offered to volunteer for a local cat rescue place.
If he goes to the shop for snacks he will always spend his last £1 on me.
He messages me now and again when I’m at work to tell me how ace I am, how grateful he is that I’m his mum and how much he loves me. ❤️

My dh. He’s too kind for his own good, not just to me but to everyone. Much kinder than me and puts me to shame.

My partner is like this. He just has this amazingly genuine personality. From the first day we started chatting, I always knew exactly where I stand with him - there were no guessing games or awkward phases, just genuine friendship.
Every weekend he spends time coming up with wonderful dishes he can cook for me, and he is always there with a cuddle when I need support or help. Just a very lovely and kind person, someone I can always rely on no matter what.

The man who forgave his wife's affair and brought up the resulting child up as his own. He never made that child feel any less loved than his bio children. I'm that child and that man was the only dad I ever needed. He died in 2020 and I miss him hugely.

Oh my goodness what a lovely kid, you are totally blessed.

I love your fox family @FanofLeaves 🥰 They are beautiful, and how amazing that she brought a baby to show you! Thanks for telling us about them x

My husband is just an incredible human. Patience of a saint, kind and generous to a fault. Just genuinely gentle and loving and loyal.

He makes me laugh multiple times a day. Does more than his fair share of domestic work and child rearing as well as providing a lifestyle I didn't think I'd experience when growing up.

I couldn't ask for a better man. I'm a very lucky woman.

My husband makes my breakfast and coffee for me on work days, and brings it up to me in bed.

He also makes my packed lunch. Today he made me a chopped salad with crab and avocado, and chopped up a little fruit bar so it fit into the compartment in my lunch box. Something about that little chopped-up fruit bar really moved me.

He adores our dogs and treats them like royalty. Our big old boy has arthritis and struggles with the wooden floors, so DH puts little grippy socks on his back legs every day.

He also sends me to work with treats for the dogs at work, and a carrot, apple or satsuma for my horse, who I visit on the way home.

He’s just the kindest, most sensitive man, and the amazing thing is, he used to be a Task Force officer. Proper tough guy.

He’s running me a bath now 🥰

How do I teach my sons to become kind, caring and helpful young men? Their father is controlling, mean and transactional. I’m trying my best.

Yes my oldest son. The best person I know. So adores his gf and their new baby. Never had cross words with him. A lovely laid back man. I’m full of love and pride for him

Always have their backs. Always tell them how much you love them and how proud you are of them. Counteract the bad behaviour of the father by being the person they can love and trust to always be there cheering them on x

I don't know ANY.

I don't really know lots of men only via work and those are mostly lovely. Unfortunately the men I'm closest too seem to have got bitter and angry as time has gone on. I do know a few men that I'd can say are good eggs but there's few men I'd want to be close friends to if they was woman Unfortunately. But I don't have a huge pool of men in my life which in itself is weird as 50% of the population are men.

I'm a governor and there are a few men who also volunteer which I always think is a lovely quality

DH is the most loving, kind, generous, helpful, patient, tolerant, caring, clever and funny man I have ever met. He's an absolute joy. Our sons partner uses those words to describe our wonderful boy. My father matched the same description. I have also, unfortunately, had a number of awful, awful men walk amongst family and friends and witnessed violence, control, terror, crime, addiction first hand. My 2 DDs are late 20s and still searching for a man like their Dad, Grandad and brother. I hope to God they find one.

I have loved reading this thread - it restores my faith in humanity!
I admit I'm also a bit envious. I thought I was marrying someone kind and gentle but that has not turned out to be the case. My DF, although brilliant in many ways, also had a cruel streak. I know most of my friends' husbands are kind and gentle and treat them really well and I have a couple of male friends who are very good, loyal and caring men. I don't think gentleness equates to weakness at all - if anything it indicates the opposite, an inner strength. My DS is also lovely - kind, caring and always thinking of others, and has been like that since he was tiny.

I see many of the pps who have gathered many lovely men around them also had good examples of this as they grew up - which supports the theory that we replay or mimic our early relationships somehow?

May I add to this? Do tell them when their dad's wrong, and what would've been better. There's a lot more information available now than when we/you were young, appropriate to each age group, on what is abusive or bullying and what kindly assertive behaviour looks like. You can use their dad as a teaching tool, whether he likes it or not 😉 You never know, he might learn something too ...

My Grandfather who raised me (along with my Grandmother) the most inspiring, affectionate and tolerant man.

My 1st FIL (husband died after only 18mth marriage) welcomed me into his arms and life from day one and treated and loved me like the daughter he never had, still does to this day and despite living a 4 hr drive away, they come and stay with us every month for a long w/e. He adores his 2 grandsons and treats and loves my stepson and mine and DH 2 sons as his own - he tells everyone he has 5 grandsons❤

My current FIL who taught his sons how to treat everyone with respect kindness and compassion, never balked at showing his wife affection and treats her like she deserves to be treated and myself and 2 SILs have reaped the benefits of having men just like him in our lives as they emulate their father.

My Dad whom I badly judged initially (only in my life the last few years as he knew nothing of my existence) who has proven himself to be a very selfless man who would drop everything for everyone in his life and who turns into the biggest eejit in the world when in my boys company and the carry on of them all makes us laugh so much.

My SILs DH - I often tell him that he is my long lost twin brother as we just have the most amazing friendship.

My 4 BILs (1st husbands brothers) who are all so protective of me, either ring or text weekly, video call my boys regularly and make the time and effort to either come see us or arrange for me to come see them.

Last but not least my DH, not a day has gone by since meeting him that he hasn't made me feel, special, loved and respected, makes me laugh every day and is setting the most amazing example to our boys going forward.

I am one very very lucky woman

Awwwwww. That is so adorable.

Already posted above but I find it bizarre when people say they never met any. Surely that's self perpetuating? Yes you can be incredibly unlucky in your family and early life but beyond that surely it's bias that prevents relationships. If i met a man who believed all women are bitches you can be sure he will not see the best side of me, then he will go on with his life believing he just met another one.

It’s not that, I meet plenty of men who seem very nice — but I don’t think that I can truly know how nice they actually are, since I’ve met so many men who seem lovely but turn out not to be nice at all underneath or behind closed doors.

I’ve known men you would swear from knowing them at work or socially were the kindest person you could think of, who later turned out to have a nasty side or to be abusive to their families or have unpleasant secrets hidden out of view. So I am pretty reluctant to say that I know any of them well enough to be sure. Even the men I know in my family are, unfortunately, despite having many good qualifies, sometimes angry, difficult, verbally abusive or entitled in various ways. 🙁

My DH. And he's absolutely gorgeous. I pinch myself often.

Oh my word, this is just adorable. I would love this!

My DH. We have lots of problems. Our marriage isn't the best and hasn't been for a long while. But on one of the hottest days this past summer I saw my DH coming home after a lunch-time workout (my home office looks out over the street). He saw our postie walking by, drinking the last of her water. He went over to her and asked if he could fill up her water bottle. She was so grateful. He ran in, filled it up, and ran it back out to her. When we met in the kitchen later I waited to see if he would mention it. He didn't. We may be struggling, but this reminded me that he is a kind and decent man.