Tell me about the kind, gentle, caring men in your life.

[Aweemawe]

This evening I was walking alone on a quiet road at dusk when I met a man, also on a walk. He seemed such a pleasant, friendly person. We had a short conversation and then went on your way. It got me thinking that most of the men I know and meet in real life are actually delightful people, not at all like the horrifying specimens that I so often read about on here. It made me think that the representation of men on here is probably very much skewed towards the rotters. So let’s talk about the womderful men, for a change.

I’ll tell you a bit about three of mine to get us started:

My nephew (27) is an animal lover and such a gentle soul. He has rescued three caged hens and spent more than he can afford to give them a lovely big home and an enriching environment to scratch about in. They will sit in his lap and let him pet them.

My co-worker has adopted three little boys with his husband. He showed me a video today of one of his sons performing in a school concert and was almost literally bursting with pride and there were tears in his eyes. He has so much compassion for the journey his children are travelling and takes such joy in their achievements. He and his partner run an amazing home, they are always cooking with the boys and their house is super clean and cozy. The children are so proud of their dads.

My neighbour. I live in an area where most people’s homes as powered by just electricity, but he has had oil heating installed. He also had a gas camping stove. When storms hit last winter and our area had a power cut, he set up the camping stove in his kitchen and knocked on everyone’s door on the street offering them to come over to fill a flask with hot water and/or have a cup of tea with him. When I went round with a flask, there were several elderly ladies who had been there all day, because their homes were cold and dark. None of us had met him before that day, he was literally inviting strangers in out of the cold.

Over to you :-)

My late FIL was the kindest man I ever met. That probably influenced my decision to marry DH.

My DH is thoughtful and loves women , is very kind to my friends and sisters

My Nephew , who is just so calm , easy going and helpful

DH’s nephew, who died too young, but tolerated both his mother and grandmother with a patience rarely seen.

My dad.

I can only remember ever being cross once, and that was when some boys were pointing a loser pen at my eyes on a train.

He's endlessly accommodating to my mum, who still has a lot of latent trauma from her abusive first marriage, took on her older two children as her own wholeheartedly when their dad was uninvolved.

With my son, he was the only grandparent who is just actually unfailingly helpful and non-judgemental. From running around getting me pillows for breastfeeding and picking up dropped muslins, to helping me work out a car seat to get, to playing with my son, he's always looking after us.

I love this thread, but I have a sadness about it.

While there are a few unrelated people "nominated" most PP are highlighting their DH, DP, DS, father, uncle, grandpa, etc.

Which makes me wonder about the "all men are..." threads that often appear here. Is it that these same men are horrid to people they're not related to, or that our perception of men we don't know intimately is skewed.

(Yes, there may be another class of men that no-one likes - even their offspring - but I'd love to know how the rest of the world sees the men that we do think highly of).

Sorry, just in a reflective mood about the world today.

My grandad
At a time when he should have been enjoying his quiet retirement with the idd visit from family,he took me in and brought me up as a single parent on a pension
He was my port in a storm,he tried to protect me from my abusive and narcissistic mother,enabler father (his son,who still,to this day,turns a blind eye to my mothers abuse as childcare is 'women's work') the bullies (both children and teachers) at school and taught me what is important in life/to always try my best to do the right thing
He was the most intelligent man I've ever met and wise beyond words
He died when I was 14 of dementia and he hung on to see me before he died
Who I am today,is because of him and I often think 'what would grandad do?' when faced with something life has thrown at me
I love and miss him everyday

My fil
He wasn't an angel,far from it
He worked hard,smoked hard,drank even harder and couldn't cope with his dds illness (she died of battens disease) or family life (his place was working to provide for his family and my mils was to care for the family-im going back 50 years and times where very different)
He worshiped his family,but couldn't really deal with the basics of family life when they where young
But when I met him,I adored him,and he adored me-he had his faults but he was a good man deep down
He'd been let down by a lot of people in his life/had stuff happen that shouldn't have happened and he didnt cope well with it
He was kind,gentle,hard working,generous,sarcastic,strong,funny,loved his family and was a good man (he lived in a very different time to today)
He lived his life to the beat of his own drum and I can't fault him for that-he taught me a lot
He could wind you up with just a few words but always with a twinkle in his eye and a tiny smirk
He died of cancer and that was a hard time
A lot of people remember him fondly and i miss him more than I can ever say
He shaped a part of me and I will always be grateful we had each other for those few precious years

My dp
He takes after his mum (my mil who we both worship,if i started writing about how much we love and admire her,id be here for weeks,writting endless pages about her)
He's hard working,kind,gentle,caring and adores me (he would do anything for me)
He can make me laugh like nobody else can-i adore our in jokes
I will dump a problem on him and he will help me work it out without judgement and fully supports me going nc with my family (he doesn't understand fully,but supports me in doing it)
I love him so much-hes always got my back and would lay his life down for me

I have also been lucky to have some wonderful male teachers in my life. A lecturer at university who was a wonderful role model and made sure I got grant funding to let me excel and go on to higher things. He had a lovely quiet sense of humour and gave me good advice about life.

Also a wonderful male primary school teacher who we all adored and who taught us inspirationally every day of the one year we had him. We were all gutted when he retired and we had to move up to the next class where we had a normal teacher again.

My husband, who is from Senegal west Africa. Simply one of the very best humans I have met. Moral, thoughtful, would do anything to help someone, friendly, polite, so very kind and exceptionally patient. Works very hard. Such lovely social manners. All my friends love him. All our neighbours adore him as he is always helping them out!
I've never met anyone else like him, he's the best.
He is my best friend and I'm proud to walk through life with him by my side.
Ten years together and I hope we have many more.
Just so worried right now with the political climate in this country turning against immigrants. He has always been here legally and paid his way, worked hard and contributed but that seems is not enough for many.

Lovely thread, thank you.

My abusive exh of 25years, left me a bit of a shell of a human being and was so vile during the divorce, still gaslighting, telling me he'd never loved me etc and rewrote history to the extent I didn't know which way was up. He also abandoned my teenagers (still hasn't seen them 8 years later). I ended up feeling all love was a lie and that men in general must all be untrustworthy.

When I started a new job 6 years ago I was completely broken inside to be honest. I always presented a very happy face on the outside. But I had zero confidence and was very wary of trusting people.

My new co workers (around 160 volunteers) were mainly retired men 60-80. From the start it was a revelation.

They couldn't have done more to welcome me, nothing was too much trouble, if I asked them for something they did it immediately. They were all kind and patient while I was learning the ropes, and gave me huge confidence that I could do the job. This is all of them, without exception.

But almost more importantly they all spoke so highly and lovingly of their wives. Are they all perfect husbands ? Probably not but they are such good and kind people. Many of the wives have now come to work for me too and seeing the love and affection between them has mended me if that makes sense. Love isn't a lie.

It reminded me that my exh was the anomaly, not men in general. Over the years I have been made to feel safe and worthy again. Respected even. They call me their ray of sunshine because I am genuinely happy again, and love my job.

I'm still not remotely interested in any relationship but the world is back on it's axis. These lovely and amazing men who will probably never realise what a difference they have made to my life, just by being themselves.

My dad (deceased), my stepdad of 30+ years, my ex, (strange how that worked out), 2 of his brothers, my mom's two brothers, some of my dad's many brothers, one of my stepdad's brother, my cousins and most of my nephews.
I am fortunate to know many good men and I'm glad my daughter does too.

Edited to say I meet many kind men too - at work and out and about. I don't know them intimately, but some of their behaviours indicate they are reasonable sorts.

All the men in my immediate family.

DH who is kind, caring and supportive.

Dss who loves his wife and kids so much. Will do anything for them. He carries most of the caring responsibilities in the house.

Dss who helps look after 2 disabled young adults on top of his own wife and child.

My ds is is so kind and loving. Cooks for his gf every night. Adores his cat.

None of them are anything like the men l read about on here. All have basic human kindness and respect for others. All intelligent and sensitive.

I’m having such a lovely lunch hour reading through these. Warms my heart to read about all these wonderful fathers, brothers and sons 🥰

I think there’s good men in as equal measure as good women, we just don’t notice them above the noise and commotion of the not so good ones.

My ex OH, from whom I’ve been separate now for two and a half years (yes, because of me). I always knew he was good, but I didn’t fully appreciate his qualities until I lost him.He doesn’t drink or smoke, never done drugs, doesn’t gamble. His biggest fault was/is his generosity. Hopeless with money because he put everyone before himself, not just financially but with his time and devotion. Never asks for anything, doesn’t talk up his achievements (his backstory is astonishing but like he doesn’t like to talk about it, he doesn’t like others to either).Rarely rests. He’s a gentle soul who notices everything and everyone.

I think in terms of ‘goodness’ women cluster around the middle of the spectrum and men at either ends. Hence whenever you read about a member of the public who has jumped into a river to save a child, always a man. I don’t think I’ve read about a female ‘have a go hero’ yet.

My dad. He was a kind, gentle, caring man. The sort who would give you his last and go without just so he didn't see you without. I miss him terribly. I lost him suddenly and unexpectedly early last year, a true gentleman. He truely did have a heart of gold and was too gentle for this world.

My lovely brother❤️. I often wish my partner had more of my brothers qualities. He’s calm, caring, funny, loyal and supportive.

He is 🥰 we’ve had him around for 4 years now, he’s a lovely boy and he’s introduced us to all his kids over the years, too.

He is at this current time the nicest male (save for my son who is amazing but he’s only 3) I know! I know lots of outwardly decent ones but they are always flawed in some way. My dad for example, people absolutely adore him, he’s funny, kind, loves nature, a great grandad - but he is a commitment phobe and at 65, has a trail of failed relationships in his wake and has a history of cheating. He also had a real short temper when we were kids but no one who knew him outside the home would have suspected that as he’s outwardly so affable. As a result, sadly I’m naturally very suspicious of ‘nice men’.

It’s been nice to read this thread though and all the experiences people have had with decent men.

My grandfather was an extraordinary man. He was a British officer in WW2 and fought in North Africa. At his funeral, his friend quoted a line from The Canterbury Tales, where Chaucer describes one of the pilgrims as “a gentle, parfitt knight” (parfitt meant ‘perfect’ in the 14th-century). He then said “and that was Edward - a perfect knight.” So true.

I actually have the letters he wrote home to my grandmother from the front line. They are so full of love for her and his children that I can hardly bear to read them. He was wounded at El Alamein but then volunteered to go back because he couldn’t bear the thought of his men risking their lives while he was safe at home. He was a brave man, yet never spoke of the Germans or Italians with any hatred. He would say “they were fighting for their country as we were fighting for ours. I never tolerated any abuse towards prisoners of war. I saw many acts of chivalry performed by the Germans. They would patch up wounded prisoners, and I even saw a German rescue a British soldier from a burning tank.” He was part of the occupying forces in Germany in 1945 and used to help run and organise soup kitchens to feed the starving German civilians. I often think he was an example of the British at their very best. To this day he remains my ideal of an English gentleman - tall, polite, humble and softly spoken. My brother takes after him in many ways. He remained devoted to my grandmother for the rest of his life, and never seemed to want or need anything. I guess he was just grateful to be alive.

My son in law is a big burly Glaswegian, but is one of the kindest, gentlest souls I know. When he first met my daughter we were constantly hearing tales of kind, thoughtful things he’d done. My other adult daughter with learning difficulties adores him, the feeling is mutual. He’s a good’un. They’re about to become parents for the first time, the thought of him finally with his little daughter brings a tear to my eye .🥹

Thank you, he really is 🥰

That fox is beautiful! Does he live in your garden? He is adorable.

My husband, after 11 years together he still holds my stomach when I have period pain and sends me to bed/ watches kids when I’m tired. He’s the kindest person I’ve ever met

I've worked for two Sikh run companies and they treated me like family. The boss has helped people out quite a few times by paying them wages early and they did a lot of charity work including spending a couple of million on a dilapidated country mansion which they then did up and used solely for charitable purposes - schools trips etc.

When I had to have the chassis welded on my pickup truck the boss gave me the keys to one of his cars and let me borrow it for a few days - a several month old 6 series worth about £70k!

Thank you! We adore him. He and his family live in a bit of disused railway at the back, but he visits daily, the our garden is almost like a crèche for his family 🤣. This is his ‘wife’ and fantastic mum to about 12 kits over the years. When my boy was a baby I used to show him to her out the window and one day she came back with one of hers! Her and the male are a real bonded pair and spend hours sunbathing together and grooming each other.

Sorry for the detail OP.

I’m happy to read about some good human men.

Lovely Post.
My partner fits your description.

My DFIL is the dad that I did not have growing up. Warm, cuddly, helpful and he is genuinely absolutely in love with his family. I am so lucky to be part of that. And my DDs will hopefully pick good partners because they have had two generations of helpful, caring, hardworking men in their lives.