Tell me about the kind, gentle, caring men in your life.

[Aweemawe]

This evening I was walking alone on a quiet road at dusk when I met a man, also on a walk. He seemed such a pleasant, friendly person. We had a short conversation and then went on your way. It got me thinking that most of the men I know and meet in real life are actually delightful people, not at all like the horrifying specimens that I so often read about on here. It made me think that the representation of men on here is probably very much skewed towards the rotters. So let’s talk about the womderful men, for a change.

I’ll tell you a bit about three of mine to get us started:

My nephew (27) is an animal lover and such a gentle soul. He has rescued three caged hens and spent more than he can afford to give them a lovely big home and an enriching environment to scratch about in. They will sit in his lap and let him pet them.

My co-worker has adopted three little boys with his husband. He showed me a video today of one of his sons performing in a school concert and was almost literally bursting with pride and there were tears in his eyes. He has so much compassion for the journey his children are travelling and takes such joy in their achievements. He and his partner run an amazing home, they are always cooking with the boys and their house is super clean and cozy. The children are so proud of their dads.

My neighbour. I live in an area where most people’s homes as powered by just electricity, but he has had oil heating installed. He also had a gas camping stove. When storms hit last winter and our area had a power cut, he set up the camping stove in his kitchen and knocked on everyone’s door on the street offering them to come over to fill a flask with hot water and/or have a cup of tea with him. When I went round with a flask, there were several elderly ladies who had been there all day, because their homes were cold and dark. None of us had met him before that day, he was literally inviting strangers in out of the cold.

Over to you :-)

You don't know that. It's not a woman's fault if a man is bad. Maybe they got sucked into Andrew Tate thinking by school mates or father. Maybe their father was absent and peer group pressure led them into anti social behaviour.

My dad. I never saw him treat my mother with anything other than respect and affection. Gave me a high bar when looking for my own partner and thankfully found one just like him.

Oh I think it can be. For example it does a boy no good whatsoever to be brought up by a doting mother in whose eyes he can do no wrong.

All of the men I know are gentle and kind (in their own way).

In fact, I think your average British man is pretty mild mannered, funny and good in a crisis. If my car broke down, I'd approach any man and bet he'd help me out.

My dad, husband, uncles, and husband's friends all fit this category.

There's a running theme on here. If a man is kind to animals, not just the cute fluffy ones but slugs, snails, spiders, he is generally a good man. Women who know no nice men, watch out for this.

There is often a real gentleness that isn't seen as 'masculine' by lots of people, but is caring and protective.

Or ignored by a father that buggered off when the boy was small, showing no role model. Or raised in an area of poverty and deprivation where crime seems the best way to get rich. Why blame the mother for men being bad?

All the men in my life are kind, gentle, caring, and also smart, funny and great company. DP, of course - he is a much nicer, gentler person than me and it's not close - but also all of my platonic male friends. There are too many to really list all of their great qualities!

The same's also true of the women in my life. None of this is accidental - when I meet someone I think is an excellent person I try to become better friends with them and keep them in my life. I've met plenty of awful men (and women), including my dad, and I didn't make any room for them in my life.

Well, if you met my ex husband, you’d have thought he was amazing.

He goes above and beyond to help people out. He’s a surgeon, who does countless unpaid hours helping out his patients and fighting for their treatment and dignity. He was a fantastic husband, son, and is an even better father. Nothing was too much. He was kind, respectful, intelligent without being a prick about it, generous, funny. Everyone loved him, including me, he was absolute perfection in every way.

10 years in, I accidentally found out his kink for hiring prostitutes to do horrific acts on, turns out, he’d been doing it weekly since he was 21.

You can NEVER tell.

He’s still all the wonderful things above. He just likes to abuse sex workers (consensually, which apparently makes it okay), but you’d never know to spend time with him, even a decade as I did.

My Dad. He's such a lovely man, father and husband to my Mum. He has terminal cancer and I'm struggling with it so much. It's so cruel and unfair.
He's always there to support my sisters and me. I wish I could tell him how awful my DP is to me but I can't because I know it will break his heart and I can't be the one to do that to him 💔 I think he strongly suspects something is not right anyway, he's very protective of us all.
I don't think I've ever met a man (close to me) who holds his values.

Well, kind and gentle men are all very well. I was very glad my father was neither of those things when we were about to be murdered in a bungled robbery in the Middle East. We survived because those men absolutely believed he was ready and willing to kill one of them with his bare hands. He didn't hesitate, didn't negotiate, just acted.

Indeed. Also, I wonder how their mother patented them. If she thinks they're not kind, did she lead by example? I wonder.

Your father sounds awesome. Nothing wrong with defending your family.

I know lots of good men. My dad is the best. Selfless, hardworking, kind, loving. Would literally do anything for us.

My Dad took us to school every morning, read us our bedtime stories and stayed in the room when my sister was afraid of the dark. He is just kind and gentle through and through, he talks about how difficult he found the uber masculine expectations of 1950's school.

Its sad people say they dont know any, nearly every man in my life is lovely.

My partner is great, would never hurt a fly, is kind, a great dad and has great values.

My step dad would do anything for anybody, hes in his 70s and has his ailments but is still out tending to friends gardens, giving lifts to everybody and anybody, he is the first person I would call in an emergency.

My daughters partner is fantastic, he does so much for her and my granddaughter (who isnt his), my granddaughter adores him, he is always thinking of others first

My brother, uncles , cousins are also really kind , funny people

I can only think of a handful of men I know who are problematic in any way

Your neighbour sounds like an amazing person.

I feel so lucky to have my DH. He is so kind and always takes care of me. It’s in the little things he does everyday, he carries all my bags, he will always make me a cup of tea in the morning, he always brings my medicine before bed. But generally he will take care of the house, cook and clean up, and I know he has my back - it feels like a true partnership. He’s a true gentleman, and my biggest fear is losing him.

Dh is the kindest, gentlest person you can possibly imagine with me and dc. He also put himself in the way of harm when ds and I were in danger, and was severely injured in the process, ds and I were almost unharmed.

Many people are positively scared of him. There is no question that he would try to kill someone with his bare hands if they were threatening his family (and possibly succeed). Doesn't make him less kind or gentle. Kind and gentle does not equal lame.

My DH is amazing. Funny, kind, can't do enough for me. Does most of the cooking, looks after the kids solo for a week at a time whilst I'm away and is an excellent father. He makes me laugh, makes me feel safe and I am very excited to grow old with him. He despairs at men on a societal level and is a brilliant role model for our sons.

Why are the girlfriends still with these men?

My DP is incredibly gentle and selfless. I sometimes struggle with it because it goes against my upbringing so much. My dad was the opposite: a charming, extrovert, narcissistic, blowhard who was incredibly charismatic but also deeply selfish. My mental “template” was always to seek out men like my dad.

It took me a while to learn to appreciate DP who is shy, not very talkative or demonstrative and socially awkward but incredibly kind. I wouldn’t have it any other way now.

A lot of women sadly are hardwired to see men as having to be social butterflies, leaders, charismatic gobshites. Such men are often highly seductive to be around but ultimately are all about themselves and what they can get from people.

It's possible to be both kind and gentle, and to able to defend your family. It's not exclusive

My uncle was a Royal Marine, but the kindest chap you would ever meet. He absolutely adored nature and animals and would do anything to help others. A gentle, but extremely tough, man

My Dad, my two husbands, (widowed), my current partner, my son and my adult grandsons.

They've all been or are kind and lovely men. 😊

The only decent man I know is my cousin who is still very happily married to his first serious girlfriend, they are now in their sixties.
He pulls his weight at home, does all he can to help his adult children, looks after his grandchildren and elderly relatives, loves animals and nature and is an all round decent person.

All the rest are shits on a sliding scale from selfish and lazy to financially and emotionally controlling.

My brother is kind and generous. He has 2 exes (mothers of his children) that he is still friends with and were invited to his wedding, and he went to their weddings. He adores his wife (and she adores him) and his stepson. He manages to bring all the families together for celebrations and they all go away together once a year. Pretty unusual I’d say - something to admire and find baffling at the same time.