School withholding snack as punishment?

[cjs99x]

Hi all,

I wanted your opinion on something that’s happened today at school. For context - in my son’s class they have a morning snack (during juice/milk time on the carpet), lunch time (in the dinner hall) & afternoon snack (outside on the playground).

Today my 5 year old DS was kept inside for afternoon break time as he and another boy had a fight. My son getting into trouble at school is a very rare occurrence and that particular situation has been sorted out.

My concern is that, because he was kept inside for afternoon break time, he was told he wasn’t allowed to have his afternoon snack. All the children in the class was able to have their snack outside as usual, and he was told he wasn’t allowed as part of a consequence of missing his playtime. I mean keeping him inside as a consequence is fair enough, but not allowing him his food that I’ve packed?

I have briefly heard another parent mention something like this before but I wasn’t part of the conversation so I didn’t hear the full story. Obviously my son may be mixed up but he was really upset when he came out saying he was really hungry and is usually accurate when explaining things (even if it means he’ll be in trouble).

Am I being too sensitive here or is this just a very odd punishment for a 5 year old child? I just can’t see how the school is able to withhold a child’s food from them.

I will be speaking to this teacher tomorrow but I guess I’m just wondering if this a normal thing that happens in schools? He’s my only child so this is all knew to me but it just seems extreme

You sound like you are minimising his behaviour a bit tbh

Fruit and veg are provided for KS1, by the government.

What was the snack? We need to know.

I'm twisting nothing. He wasn't on a break, therefore he had no available break time in which to go and get his snack from his bag and eat it. He probably shouldn't have gone to his bag for it. His time indoors was not break time for him. Snacks are at break. He did not have break, therefore he did not have a snack. It blows my mind how desperate people are to make ridiculous complaints to schools.

Yes. I am friends with the other boys mother and our boys are usually very good friends. My son had something the other boy wanted and didn’t want to wait so the boy pushed my son and my son pushed him back. They apologised to each-other quickly and was best friends again until the other boy was collected from school early for an appointment. I’ve told him about not pushing back and telling the teacher when something is wrong etc and he is very sorry and understands. He’s never been in trouble before at nursery/school, literally ever, I am fairly confident this won’t be a regular occurrence. The school are quite strict on children fighting which I am glad about and I’m happy they followed through with the consequence of missing play time, I just didn't expect
him to be told he wasn’t allowed to get his snack.

It was a banana - not something I’d particularly shed a tear over but it’s his favourite 🤣

Really surprised at some of these responses .

Food should never be used as part of a punishment for children.

It doesn’t matter if he’d had lunch, it’s wrong on principle.

Plus five year olds get hungry quite quickly so I’m not surprised he was.

A “fight” between five year olds is going to be nothing to write home about.

As a parent of 3 and someone who has worked on and off in early years teaching and primary education for over 20 years- YANBU, but there’s a lot to break down here. Firstly, I actually have never come across a school where there is both morning and afternoon snack. Nurseries which are open longer, yes. But not schools. That’s strange. Is it the same all through the school OP? Is your son in reception or year 1?

That aside, food should never be used as a punishment nor a reward in school now. It’s SO old school and really frowned upon- I would definitely raise this and find out exactly what the policy is. The point other posters have made about him ‘not starving’ is valid- but the point remains that he usually gets a snack, and that snack was (if he’s telling the truth) withheld as punishment, and that, to me, is not okay. Ask the teacher exactly what happened.

Missing break is also not ideal and I know I’ll get flamed for this, but if I was teaching a 5 year old, I wouldn’t take away playtime. They NEED those movement breaks. I’d want to get to the bottom of why they were fighting. I might talk to them for a few minutes at the start of play, but missing a whole break time aged 5 is wrong. Very wrong. This is how kids get demotivated, disruptive and disengaged.

I’m big on discipline but YANBU:

-he's 5 and it appears to be a “first offence”
-they are obviously used to a “snack” at this time and again he’s 5
-the other perpetrator has effectively NOT been punished by going early - not acceptable to single out one child over both children

A good stern talking too is appropriate, this is over reaction punishment - I’d also be very unhappy about the disparity and the snack!

I think the point is the food isn't the punishment . It's a consequence. The punishment is missing break. Break includes their snack outside. So they didn't get the snack

Me neither! If it was no lunch I'd be right in your side. But it wasnt so I feel you're focusing on the wrong thing here. (Kindly)

Lack of time was the punishment, not lack of food. Being good is rewarded with free time, not food. With that in mind, it was the time to do as he likes with his snack that was taken away - not the snack itself.

Afternoon snack must be an hour or so after lunch break finished so no child is going to suffer if they don't have time to snack. They might like to have the time, sure... but if they're naughty then that time is taken.

You mentioned that even prisoners get fed earlier. Absolutely true. Just like your DS did at lunch time. However, they also don't have the free time to grab a quick greggs sausage roll mid afternoon. So it's actually a very good comparison.

You won’t get any nice comments on here op.
It’s the hanging and flogging brigade.
I assume the other dc will miss his break tomorrow. If not then that’s what I would be addressing.

Spot on

@maybein2022Thank you, I completely agree. As far as I’m aware it’s just reception and year 1. I thought it was a common thing as the other two schools near us do it too

If my son told me he’d been fighting and didn’t have his snack, I’d explain that actions have consequences.

YANBU

Food should never be used as a reward or a punishment. It encourages an unhealthy relationship with food.

I would not be happy with this, and would certainly be having a word to the school about this, and print out some information to back up this view to give to them to educate them on the matter.

The people saying YABU and he "won't starve" etc., are missing the overall point that food was used as a punishment here. He was specifically told he was not allowed it. That's not ok.

Lots of children eat little and often, and he had a long wait before he got his dinner after school, so it's really not ok that he wasn't allowed his banana. I'm with you OP!

Seems appropriate to me..
Why do they need snacks anyway ?

So you'd teach him that withholding food is acceptable? So food is ok to be used as a punishment? Mum of the Year.

Seems to be a big mix of opinions. Thanks for those who expressed their opinions in a respectful way (even if they differed to mine). Hope everyone has a lovely evening! 😊

Well, given his snack was a healthy banana, they need it as a form of nutrition to help with growth and development. Or are you completely clueless about food and nutrition?

Mine too😀

I often have a 4pm banana at work. Keeps me going until I get home

It was wrong for the teacher to withhold his snack. Was he allowed a drink or to use the loo during the time he was kept in at break?

Your child needs to know that you are upset about his behaviour, not because he may have experienced the normal human feeling of hunger.

This is the big picture. Your overreaction to his missing a snack has become your focus while his behaviour has been put to the side. You will not come across well if you challenge the school on this, believe me.

On a side note, I went all the way through primary and later became a primary teacher, and I have never experienced “afternoon snack”.

@FgfgfgI wouldn’t cope without my morning AND afternoon snacks! But I am quite heavily pregnant so hopefully I get a pass 😋

Lunch would be one thing but afternoon snack when it isn't long until home time anyway? Not a big deal.