Been made to feel like a outcast at work :(

[Thelily]

I started a new job on an NHS ward about 2 months ago. I haven’t had any other trouble settling in roles, but I am auADHD so I suppose I could potentially be seen as a bit shy?

The ward atmosphere is unlike any other ward I’ve been on. I will walk in at the start of my shift and say hi/good morning etc, and no one will reply. Whenever I ask a question to any of the staff they act like it’s a big inconvenience and will roll their eyes. When I walk on the ward, they will stare at me (after I say hello) until I walk down the whole corridor. I feel like I’m not liked, which is fine, but it’s undermining my confidence.

I’ve still got friends from another ward I worked on, so I meet them for lunch (when I get one) but I’m not sure if this is just compounding me feeling isolated with the current team I work with?

A few people do speak to me during the shift, but I feel very isolated and lonely. My manager is only in 2 days a week, and on days they’re not in, I sit largely on my own with a few different appointments with patients across the day.

My manager has said she thinks I’m doing well but “don’t be scared to share your opinions of your patients in the team meetings, you are quite reserved about doing so”. I am reserved here because I know whatever I say will get eye rolls.

Is this normal ward working? I don’t expect best friends, but I am feeling so disheartened and actually dread going into work

Anyone :(

Ah I’m so sorry this is happening to you, I definitely have had experience of these sort of behaviours in the NHS. Can you speak to your manager about it? Maybe you can be thick skinned enough to carry on but if it’s affecting your confidence of speaking out about your patients that’s a shame? Can you call them out about it? I did that once, I asked why someone was pulling faces when I was talking? She was so shocked at being called out on it and was embarrassed, she apologised later. It’s very out of character for me. I don’t know what to advise really just wanted to say you aren’t alone

I’m sorry to hear that. Take ‘AuDHD’ out the equation they don’t sound like nice people. I hope it improves soon

It's not normal, no.
Personally, I'd start looking for something else. Life is too short to be miserable at work. You spend so much time there, it should at the least be tolerable.

So sorry you are experiencing that. That sounds horrible. I don’t work in the NHS but any workplace can have that happen, and it’s never nice.

My husband used to work on a ward and it was really supportive and friendly - everyone looked out for each other.

In your shoes I think I’d just consider myself in work mode when I’m there - not looking for friends, just doing my job - and crack on to the best of my ability.

And then I’d leave for a new role as soon as it came up - unless friendships emerge over time. You might find when new people join then you can bond with them.

What type of ward is it, what is your role there?
Why did you move, promotion or you wanted a change of scenery?

OP it’s nothing to do with your AuDHD they are just horrible people and I am 100% certain that they would be the same with any new start.

The advice I give to my DC in situations like this is don’t feed it, don’t let anyone see that this behaviour bothers you because people like this use the bullying of others as a bond so if you still just smile and say good morning, go about your business as pleasantly as possible and let them see they aren’t bothering you then they will have to find something else to amuse themselves with.

However OP I would also be looking for another job move because life is too short to be putting up with this crap.

It is bloody hard work, settling into a new ward, they have ways or working, you don't know yet, ways of doing things, it can take ages to settle.
Did you have a supernumerary period? Do you have a mentor?

My NHS experience is in management rather than on wards, but some places are just like you've described. I'm sorry to say that I have met several NHS staff who actively enjoying 'seeing them off' when someone dares to join their department.

Look elsewhere.

How horrible for you. This kind of behaviour really makes start to doubt yourself

without explaining your fears could you ask your manager for some further advice on how to improve your engagement in the team? A good manager won’t just leave your floundering, they will invite you to comment in meetings in areas they know you’ll have an opinion.

That sounds rough, but don’t stop meeting your friends for lunch as you need their support.

I think some wards are just like that. I’ve experienced it a couple of times - also AuDHD so maybe I wasn’t getting the social interactions exactly right, but everyone I know that has had numerous student placements/worked on a lot of different wards has said they’ve encountered the same. I would just focus on doing your job and forget about trying to make friends - just say hi/basic politeness etc. It might settle after a while once they realise you’ve been there a while, but keep looking for a different job.

They are bully’s and deliberately trying to intimidate you and make you uncomfortable…..ignore the bully’s back an only focus on the nice ones……do not say hello to them in the corridor and do not say hello to them in the morning as this is just giving them an opportunity to ignore you…..do not give the bully’s an opportunity….keep a record of what they are doing, dates and times

Also as your manager has said, speak up in meetings and give your opinion

I'm sorry you're having this experience. It happened to me too on an NHS ward.
There were one or two nice people but mostly the rest ignored me, shut me out and belittled me. On the morning after a night shift I said good morning to a senior nurse as she arrived for her shift she just grunted at me. That was the moment I decided to leave. I lasted three months there.

Then the bully’s win

I have heard that some nurses can be right pigs of women, I have also experienced it in hospital on a couple of occasions

Who cares? OP is there to do a job, not win a crusade. It's not her job to deal with bullies. I don't think not putting up with it and moving on is any kind of "win" for a bully. It shows more power to say fuck this and get something better than meekly put up with people treating you like shit.

But what’s the point in going elsewhere as it seems these bitches are on all NHS wards….she needs to stay and weather it out

Because after reading this thread they seem to be on all wards so the next place is likely to have the same type of bitches….she needs to stay and handle it, these women are just bitches and bitches are usually not that bright….just ignore them and make a record of everything, talk to your manager as well

There’s just a major undercurrent all the time. My manager isn’t exactly approachable, and when I mentioned I’m finding it hard to fit in, she has said I need to speak up more.

I just feel deflated. I’m not a shy person, but I feel so awkward at work. It’s all the time now.

ive had very supervision, I feel like I was just thrown in and never checked on.

Find something else. Sounds crap all round. I'd put money on them having terrible staff retention levels -make sure you mention why you've left in your exit interview.

Has anything happened to cause it OP? Or anything in previous wards?

You really need to totally ignore them and focus on your job, they will get bored of doing it when they see that it had no effect on you.

It seems to be passive aggressive behaviour, keep a record of it

If you’re in Management then what is being actively done to change this dynamic and to stop these so called NHS workers “seeing them off”?
It sounds to me like these bullies get away with it as Management turn a blind eye.

I feel for you. This isn't a you problem. But unfortunately you can't change others. Your cheery good mornings and smiles unfortunately probably make you like nice aka a people pleaser aka vulnerable aka ripe for 'bullying ' (it's a cruel world we live in sometimes).

I would continue saying good morning, if no replies you could say "morning " a bit too loud whilst looking at them directly. It'll force them to probably mumble "morning" back. Make eye contact with people. Hold your head up when you walk. Avoid saying 'sorry' too often or being too eager with 'thankyou so much' etc. they need to earn your respect as much as you need to earn theirs. Stop being so nice and start being more neutral and assertive. Read some books and watch some you tubes on being assertive. I find the nicest, smiliest, kindest people are often the most taken as advantage of. Just remember though : this is all about them. Happy people don't bully others.

If two or three weeks of being more assertive don't work , you need to escalate it to your manager and make it very clear you're being bullied and will take it to HR if needs be. You could confront them directly, but you'll need to reek of confidence in order to do it.