Been made to feel like a outcast at work :(

[Thelily]

I started a new job on an NHS ward about 2 months ago. I haven’t had any other trouble settling in roles, but I am auADHD so I suppose I could potentially be seen as a bit shy?

The ward atmosphere is unlike any other ward I’ve been on. I will walk in at the start of my shift and say hi/good morning etc, and no one will reply. Whenever I ask a question to any of the staff they act like it’s a big inconvenience and will roll their eyes. When I walk on the ward, they will stare at me (after I say hello) until I walk down the whole corridor. I feel like I’m not liked, which is fine, but it’s undermining my confidence.

I’ve still got friends from another ward I worked on, so I meet them for lunch (when I get one) but I’m not sure if this is just compounding me feeling isolated with the current team I work with?

A few people do speak to me during the shift, but I feel very isolated and lonely. My manager is only in 2 days a week, and on days they’re not in, I sit largely on my own with a few different appointments with patients across the day.

My manager has said she thinks I’m doing well but “don’t be scared to share your opinions of your patients in the team meetings, you are quite reserved about doing so”. I am reserved here because I know whatever I say will get eye rolls.

Is this normal ward working? I don’t expect best friends, but I am feeling so disheartened and actually dread going into work

That's appalling. I'm sorry that happened to you. 😭

I lasted 3 months in the NHS due to the issues you’re facing (also AuDHD). I have friendships and great working relationships across the sector I’m now doing really well in so there is hope! It doesn’t sound like it’s anything you’re doing wrong. I have never encountered such a horrible environment as I did in that 3 months

I understand what you're saying. I'm sorry. I guess I was being too generalised in my advice and hadn't fully taken her autism into account and the difficulty with maintaining eye contact etc. thanks for pointing it out 👍

ugh, what a vile bunch they are and yes it is prevalent in the NHS (12 years of working in mental health so I know of what I speak) and like others have already said it won't get better and you won't be able to change them. I would suggest keeping your head down while you look for something much better for your skills and wellbeing. Even worse than the NHS in my experience is the voluntary sector, I have worked in a few third sector organisations with charitable status and encountered some utter horrors in my time. Poor management and weak leadership was at the root of it and I guess this is applicable in all work settings. Just for balance I have had some excellent managers and wonderful jobs which is how I realised it was not me!

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I’m sure there are Equality and Dignity at Work policies which state this kind of behaviour is discriminatory / bullying. That said, employers can’t make colleagues be friendly towards you and treat you like everyone else.

Prehaps if you have the confidence to, next time you say good morning to someone and they don’t reply, repeat it louder. You could ask them if they’re ok as you’re ‘worried’ they’re not their usual chatty selves….the chatty self you’ve probably witnessed them being towards others.

I have worked with two people in my career who were like this towards me yet chatted to colleagues they’d known for ages. It was horrible because I was polite and friendly and it was would destroying trying to second guess why they didn’t like me / what I’d done wrong etc etc eventually I plucked up the courage to ask someone else how they got on with them, and discovered it wasn’t me - it was them and that they would only chat to certain people.

Today was more of the same, but kept myself busy seeing patients and spending time on the ward away from the offices. My manager has come into work this week and moved all their stuff to a separate office away from me.

I am going to apply for another job, but can’t afford a break in employment so will just have to keep going!

Absolutely agree with you, went from a really toxic NHS workplace to the voluntary sector and I was shocked. I have been lucky enough to work in some amazing places either lovely cultures too, it’s so hard to accept other workplaces after that.

Personally, I think there's an NHS training module about how to curate the eye roll. I've had an NHS nurse do it to me as a patient.

Are you a doctor or a nurse, I presumed nurse

That and the prolonged staring, a nurse did that to me in hospital once and I did it right back at her…that put a stop to her silly bullying nonsense

Why do you say they are on all wards? The OP has come from a friendly environment so that shows it's not the case for her at least.

Good luck in your job hunt, is there any chance of moving back to your previous job?

Read comments up thread, a lot of people confirming this type of behaviour is very common on NHS wards

Read the OP, she says the atmosphere on this ward is 'unlike any other ward I have been on'.

Read through the comments up thread where people confirm that what the OP is describing is extremely common in NHS wards! 🤷‍♀️

I honestly think the best thing is to move on as soon as something else comes up. Those telling you to stand up to it don’t understand that not everyone is capable of doing that. I’m like you - it just starts affecting my mental health and I stop sleeping. I would lose sleep just thinking about fighting back! It needs management to change these things and often it’s difficult so they do nothing. Start looking and find solace in the fact that you will find something else very soon and f*ck them all!!!

So the way I see it, you’ve got two choices. You either look for another job and potentially find you face similar difficulties in a new role. Or you cal them out on it! Girl you gotta muster up some confidence and call them out on their shitty behaviour. Christ almighty why oh fucking why are there so many titheads working for the NHS?!! So much for “Be Kind”!

In a team meeting, you tell them what you have you told us and you ask them why they do it. Let them know how it makes you feel and let them know that the behaviour has to stop and things need to change. Make sure there is someone you trust in that meeting.

Don’t be afraid of standing up for yourself! The world is not going to end because you dare to stand up for yourself.

I've friends and family in the NHS who've experienced this. My mother was a nurse and worked with some nurses who in other professions would be considered unhinged she said.

I would ask what you staring at.
Theres so many fucking weirdos (bullies) working for the NHS.

I mean Jesus fucking Christ, so there is an actual training module on how to curate the eye roll. Are people working in the NHS adults or kids who need to grow the fuck up. What a joke!

Damn right. The next time you get ignored after saying ‘Good morning/ Hello’ say (with a smile), “Didn’t you hear me? I said Good Morning / Hello” .
Ignorant fuckers. Just remember OP this isn’t a you problem. It’s them. It really is them.

They sound awful awful people. Rude, clichey and ignorant. That would really grind me down and make me feel very unhappy at work. Don't question yourself. Your behaviour is absolutely fine. Can you raise it with your line manager? They sound appalling.

Oh god that sounds unbearable I'm sorry. In my limited experience environments like this usually filter down from management. It's not a you problem.

Pathetic behaviour and they are supposed to be professionals.

If you do confront their bullshit OP (and I really hope you do) remind them of the policies. Document everything in your supervision. You need evidence that you raised the concerns if you ever go down constructive dismissal route.

Just remember, it’s not you. Bullying is rife in the NHS and sadly this is unlikely to change anytime soon.

Find another place to work, please don't waste your life and peace of mind trying to fit in with a crap work environment full of horrible people. Nothing that you personally can do will fix or improve this, its all them. Please trust me and just move on. Its not normal, don't internalise it, you deserve better.