Been made to feel like a outcast at work :(

[Thelily]

I started a new job on an NHS ward about 2 months ago. I haven’t had any other trouble settling in roles, but I am auADHD so I suppose I could potentially be seen as a bit shy?

The ward atmosphere is unlike any other ward I’ve been on. I will walk in at the start of my shift and say hi/good morning etc, and no one will reply. Whenever I ask a question to any of the staff they act like it’s a big inconvenience and will roll their eyes. When I walk on the ward, they will stare at me (after I say hello) until I walk down the whole corridor. I feel like I’m not liked, which is fine, but it’s undermining my confidence.

I’ve still got friends from another ward I worked on, so I meet them for lunch (when I get one) but I’m not sure if this is just compounding me feeling isolated with the current team I work with?

A few people do speak to me during the shift, but I feel very isolated and lonely. My manager is only in 2 days a week, and on days they’re not in, I sit largely on my own with a few different appointments with patients across the day.

My manager has said she thinks I’m doing well but “don’t be scared to share your opinions of your patients in the team meetings, you are quite reserved about doing so”. I am reserved here because I know whatever I say will get eye rolls.

Is this normal ward working? I don’t expect best friends, but I am feeling so disheartened and actually dread going into work

never mind audhd, nobody has any right to roll their eyes at you. that's just bullying and cuntish.

So are nurses like that nasty to patients as well

Had two experiences like this during my time in the NHS. Definitely look for another job. Is there any way you could do bank/locum work whilst you're looking for another role? Still pay in to pension etc so don't think it's seen as a break in service as long as it's directly with the NHS and not an external agency.

What does this mean: the manager moved everyone's stuff? Is she participating in isolating you as well now? It sounds awful. I once had to stick out a terrible job in the NHS for 9 months and then pretend I was relocating due to my partner's job in order not to get a bad reference so I feel for you.

Unfortunately this seems quite common in the NHS but there’s also plenty of wards with lovely staff on! Definitely look for a new job asap.

It's not you OP, it could be they expected the role to go to a friend or they're just miserable people.

Good idea to look for a different job, as you can see from PP, it happens a lot but there are also lovely places to wprk at.
Good luck with the new job.

It’s vile, I hate it but it’s really common. I think if you’re neurodiverse and seen as even a little bit different it’s much more likely to happen / much worse. I’ve had a few NHS healthcare and nursing jobs. From the title in my email, I was like what are the odds that’s healthcare?

Bullying makes wards unsafe, because people shouldn’t feel unsafe to speak up - what if something is missed about a patient because someone who is being bullied doesn’t feel they can escalate it to a bully? Fairly sure that’s evidence based.

I’ve had to make my peace with not really fitting in and then after the shittest year / start to a job of my life just cracking on because I really like the work in a hospice.

So sorry to hear this, I’m surprised the NHS can be like this, but I guess all work places can be. It sounds horrible.

I had this happen once. I joined a company and walking round the office I’d say hello and it was exactly the same. I’d feel awful. You wonder what is wrong with people! I remember thinking, like you, ‘is it me’ and feeling so uncomfortable.

To make it worse, I was in a team of 4, my manager and 2 others. The 2 others decided they didn’t like me from the start. They would not look at me or talk to me 🤦‍♀️ I’d never been bullied ever before, even at school, so was really taken aback by it. I tried to speak to my manager and the director of the department.. and ask if they’re weren’t aware I was starting etc, what was the problem (?) but they didn’t care. The director in particular liked these 2, especially one of them and said she was helpful to her and wouldn’t do anything. In retrospect, I can’t believe people would behave like it.

I suffered on for probably about 2 years. The worst one thankfully left. I couldn’t have coped. The other one, one day, I was in 3 back-to-back meetings, with the director and others. The one who didn’t like me, had a go at me in each meeting :( It all came to a head in the last meeting… our team meeting with about 10 people. She had a go at me, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I asked her what her problem was. She said she didn’t have one… I got angry, I told her it wasn’t ok, I started shouting etc, in front of anyone… I walked out. (I wouldn’t recommend this) but… THEN the director suddenly cared. She’d also been doing an MA in HR and was doing something on conflict resolution.. so perhaps it was suddenly interesting for her?

Anyway, the director came after me. I was very upset. The whole thing was finally addressed. HR got involved with the bully and sent her to ‘behaviour / bully training’ somewhere external. We had conflict resolution meetings where I asked her what was up - and said I’m there to work with her! She finally started acting like a normal person. When I left after around 3.5 years she organised my leaving gift and a party. Apparently they’d never collected so much money for a leaving gift. It was slightly embarrassing opening them.. so many!

All during this time, people from other departments knew what was happening to me and would comment, be friendly. They even came up to me and said ‘they don’t talk to you, do they,’ without me saying anything. 🤦‍♀️ One colleague from another department said he didn’t know how I put up with it. It was a toxic workplace, even my manager was toxic. He did nothing about any of this, it was finally the Director who responded.

The whole thing was a problem with the company overall, like you, them all not saying hello, for all new starters.

MY POiNT IS (SORRY, LONG SHARE) - I shouldn’t have stayed. I guess I did, as it was a prestigious company and it had taken me a long time to change company. I felt I needed the role at that time.

BUT IT’S ABSOLUTELY NOT NORMAL FOR PEOPLE TO BEHAVE LIKE THIS. DO NOT TAKE IT ON YOURSELF.

Try to find 1 or 2 people to get on with in the department, tell your manager why you feel uncomfortable. If nothing changes, look for another role ASAP!! Know it will be better soon!! 🙏

So sorry you are experiencing this, I hope you are ok xx

Do you still work for the NHS? Bullying is still very much alive in the NHS and it starts at the top. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c7287gxn7m3o.amp

The NHS is a fucking toxic place to work. Anyone not recognising that is either walking around with their eyes and ears closed or they’re part of the problem.

Yes I saw those, I am talking about the OP's own experience

Not much of a prize though is it "Bullies continue working together, but all secretly terrified it'll be them that's shunned next whilst OP goes and finds a nice group of people to work with"

auADHD can be recognised as a disability. It might be worth reminding your supervisor / manager that disability is a protected characteristic under the Equality Act 2010

Sorry to read this. My advice, I was recently in The spire for 5 days, what a lovely ward, all the nurses were fab, such a lovely vibe, over staffed, no one was stressed or under pressure, just a lovely environment. They spent time with patients, proper nursing at its best. A few I spoke to in depth had left the NHS due to similar situations, crying at work, under pressure. It’s time to look for something else Lily and don’t rule out the private sector. They all said that being happy at work now was worth more than the NHS pension a long way down the line.

What do you mean when I get lunch!!!! You should be entitled to get one every day

This is bullying! Go to your manager and say what you’ve said in your post. It’s absolutely not acceptable to treat you this way. So much for the caring profession.

No, it's not normal. Not replying when you say good morning, rolling their eyes when you ask them something, staring at you..... I think you need your manager's support with this situation.

This is sad for the OP but sad for the service provided being less than it could be. If a team member does not have psychological safety they do not speak up, question things, learn lessons and so on.
This is management at its worst.

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I’m sure there are Equality and Dignity at Work policies which state this kind of behaviour is discriminatory / bullying. That said, employers can’t make colleagues be friendly towards you and treat you like everyone else.

Prehaps if you have the confidence to, next time you say good morning to someone and they don’t reply, repeat it louder. You could ask them if they’re ok as you’re ‘worried’ they’re not their usual chatty selves….the chatty self you’ve probably witnessed them being towards others.

I have worked with two people in my career who were like this towards me yet chatted to colleagues they’d known for ages. It was horrible because I was polite and friendly and it was would destroying trying to second guess why they didn’t like me / what I’d done wrong etc etc eventually I plucked up the courage to ask someone else how they got on with them, and discovered it wasn’t me - it was them and that they would only chat to certain people.

Definitely look for another job, but also keep records and report them to the NMC on the way out. They sound extremely unpleasant and deserve the stress of potentially being suspended 😈

I'm just about to leave a workplace like this. I lasted 4 years and it's massively affected my physical and mental health. I felt I couldn't leave because I'm a single parent. If I could go back in time, I'd leave straight away. I'm so sorry you're going through this and look into working somewhere else, if you can.

move wards. tell your manager you are really unhappy and why. ask to be placed elsewhere. its just replying to her 'are you all right' with the truth

It’s awful to dread going to work and be so upset about it. I’ve been there. Wish I’d got out sooner, however if you are reliant on your income it’s really hard.

People can be so mean. 🙁There were mean girls at one of my previous jobs and it was horrible. I have no advice except either to try to ignore them or find another job.

Depressing that this seems so prevalent in what is supposed to be a caring environment. I used to work as a TA and that was similarly toxic - 2 or 3 older TAs who'd been there forever took an instant dislike to any new staff, ridiculous really. They're still working there 15 years on and still moaning!

Autism and Adhd are both recognised as long term condition that can be classed as disabilities for that purpose absolutely.