Been made to feel like a outcast at work :(

[Thelily]

I started a new job on an NHS ward about 2 months ago. I haven’t had any other trouble settling in roles, but I am auADHD so I suppose I could potentially be seen as a bit shy?

The ward atmosphere is unlike any other ward I’ve been on. I will walk in at the start of my shift and say hi/good morning etc, and no one will reply. Whenever I ask a question to any of the staff they act like it’s a big inconvenience and will roll their eyes. When I walk on the ward, they will stare at me (after I say hello) until I walk down the whole corridor. I feel like I’m not liked, which is fine, but it’s undermining my confidence.

I’ve still got friends from another ward I worked on, so I meet them for lunch (when I get one) but I’m not sure if this is just compounding me feeling isolated with the current team I work with?

A few people do speak to me during the shift, but I feel very isolated and lonely. My manager is only in 2 days a week, and on days they’re not in, I sit largely on my own with a few different appointments with patients across the day.

My manager has said she thinks I’m doing well but “don’t be scared to share your opinions of your patients in the team meetings, you are quite reserved about doing so”. I am reserved here because I know whatever I say will get eye rolls.

Is this normal ward working? I don’t expect best friends, but I am feeling so disheartened and actually dread going into work

Awful behavior everyone should make you feel welcome, excluding is a form of bullying, needs taking higher up if needed

OP should be offered an exit interview when she quits, and can take the opportunity to spell it out. The idea is that once management realise they're struggling to hold on to staff not because other places are a better draw, but because they're pushing them away, then it might get taken seriously.

As PP said, OP is not on a crusade; her first duty is to herself.

I tried to fire a bitchy saboteur (public health, rather than ward nursing) once when working as an interim at Associate Director level, and she turned out to be unsackable. I didn't seek an extension to my contract shortly afterwards and the first thing the HR director asked me was "is it something we've done?". In my own exit interview the CEO told me I'd tried too hard.

Not so much blind eye as determination not to get things done.

She needs to learn to deal with situations like this as she will come across them again and again and she can’t keep running away…..as a lot of people up thread have mentioned, bitchy nurses like this exist on every ward so they will probably be at the next place aswell…..makes no sense to run away from it, it would be better to at least try and deal with it 🤷‍♀️,…….bully’s and bitches are usually not that bright so just ignore them ( to start with) and focus on your job

My manager has said she thinks I’m doing well but “don’t be scared to share your opinions of your patients in the team meetings, you are quite reserved about doing so”. I am reserved here because I know whatever I say will get eye rolls.

Is there an opportunity to find a sort of freedom in this? If you know there will be eye rolls whatever you say, you have nothing to lose from saying what you like. You don’t have to worry about trying to say the right thing, because there isn’t one. So speak up and show the manager you’ve taken that feedback on board, and don’t worry about how your colleagues react, because they seem to have made up their minds anyway.

Sounds like you've gone into a clique. Get out, its no way to live your work life.

I had a very similar experience on an NHS ward. I stuck it out for a year and then left. It was a culture thing and I later found out that ward had a reputation for it. Their loss - 3 years later and my (difficult to fill) post is still vacant.

They sound awful Lily. I’d be applying for other jobs.

Also when she speaks, make sure she doesn’t look at the bully’s to see their reaction, or else she could also be brave and loudly ask what the eye rolling is about and say in front of everyone that it is extremely passive aggressive behaviour…..I bet that would put a stop to their nasty bitchy nonsense ……hideous bitchy little creatures!

What's your role? It's a sadly relatively common experience for rotating resident doctors. Particularly for female and/or IMG resident doctors. I don't have much advice but I also had a similar experience on one ward I worked on, as have a lot of my colleagues. I'd say continue to be friendly, speak up when needed, focus on doing your job well, and if you aren't someone who will rotate out of this job, find an exit plan.

Ugh. It’s not like this everywhere in the NHS but there are pockets of it here and there. You could watch some videos of Jefferson Fisher on YouTube who has some good techniques to deal with this stuff. But look for a move, the job doesn’t sound worth the aggro.

But they’re not.

i work fur NHS and my team are caring and close - we’ve had new starters and veterans and all get along

That sounds absolutely awful, OP. It's them not you.

I've never worked for the NHS but I do have AuDHD. The AuDHD could have something to do with why they are treating you so badly (or bullying you even?) which is obviously very wrong.

Does your manager know about your diagnosis? If do so they really should be much much more understanding. Telling you to stand up for yourself more is awful. As a person with AuDHD you are likely to find communication and understanding other peoples's motives much harder. I know for example that I have no understanding of body language, facial expressions or any other non-verbal communication and I cannot 'read the room' or read between the lines so I can easily put my foot in it and people can easily bully me .

Do you have rejection sensitivity disorder as part of your ADHD? My DC2 suffers with this a lot and would be incredibly super stressed by your situation and would assume that everyone hates them.

I imagine you are trying to mask like crazy and are in maximum 'people pleasing' mode.

You must be stressed and exhausted. I really feel for you.

If your manager knows about your diagnosis, this is possibly even discrimination.

Honestly, I think you may need to speak to HR. The treatment you are getting is disgusting.

I hope things pick up.

But if you read a lot of the comments up thread it seems to be extremely common so the likely hood of her experiencing it in the next ward ( and throughout her career) is very high…..she needs to learn how to deal with these situations or else she is likely to just keep job hopping which also looks bad…..if you stand up to bullies ( or sometimes completely and blatantly ignore) they usually back down after a while or just get bored and move onto someone else

My manager has said she thinks I’m doing well but “don’t be scared to share your opinions of your patients in the team meetings, you are quite reserved about doing so”. I am reserved here because I know whatever I say will get eye rolls.

I would be telling the manager that for a start. And that the situation is so bad you're looking for a new job.

Your reticence has already been noted and may well be raised at future appraisals. So I'd get in there first.

Indeed and that sort of atmosphere will also affect the patients. Very worrying

I'm so sorry to hear you're being made to feel like this at work. This has nothing to do with you auADHD.
Being ostracised at work is a form of bullying and needs to be addressed with your line manager ASAP and escalated further if you are not taken seriously.
The last thing anyone needs is for you to be signed off with stress and anxiety and your workplace has a duty of care towards your mental health and wellbeing.
You don't need to make friends at work but colleagues should be professional, courteous and inclusive at the very least in the workplace.

I burst into tears when I got in the car this morning

Are they all pally with each other or is this just the general vibe? If the latter then it may actually be nothing to do with you per se and more that they're all a bit burnt out. If you have a manager who's unapproachable and is only there 2 days a week then that's most likely the issue- there's a team that's not being led working in an intensive and emotive environment. People will burn out in those conditions and not act their best selves.

I agree you will need to look elsewhere and in the meantime respectfully call out what you see. Eg. "Cos you explain why you just rolled your eyes when I said X? If you disagree then you can tell me that respectfully" for example.

Bullying is epidemic in the NHS. I’ve witnessed it and it’s horrible to see. Managers just turn a blind eye to it

Bless you. I didn’t think this behaviour still happened. Can you look for another job elsewhere? You can report it, and you should, but I still think you should move.

I worked on 2 wards like this, both during my training, and both caused by the ward manager. The first one was because the ward manager enjoyed causing conflict and having a them and us situation. I think she was/is narcisstic but that wasn’t recognised back then. The second was the sister was friends with a care assistant on the ward and was socialising with her, and allowed her to rule the ward. It’s awful and demoralising.

I've known some pretty nasty healthcare staff in my time, delighted in being as intimidating and bullying as they can,however I've known far more lovely teams and staff. You have been unlucky to land in the middle of a nasty set. I would see your options as leaving, sticking it out or trying to be as nice as they are nasty, which can sometimes trigger their shame. If you are intent on staying try to get at least one member of staff on side so you have an ally, and do speak up in meetings, if people pull faces when you speak, call them out on it. Hood luck

This is a very toxic work environment and it’s very unlikely to change, as it’s the culture of the staff there. Is it possible to look for a new job?

This isn't right, you should not feel uncomfortable in your workplace, as we all know, we spend so much of our lives there...
Have a word with your ward manager explaining how you feel. If you don't get this sorted out, you will start dreading going into work and no one should feel like that ...

I knew before I read your OP that it would be about the NHS.
Utterly toxic and nasty.
The people saying they have not experienced what we have are part of the problem.