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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I in the wrong? Neighbour issue?

237 replies

hallogalorrr · 29/09/2025 10:05

I created a private Facebook group for the 3 streets on the new build estate where I live.

Most of my neighbours are on it.

My next door neighbour who lives next to me has stopped speaking to me now as from what I gather her and her partner were annoyed that I didn’t invite them to join the group.

I did ask my other next door neighbour to join.

Yesterday we got back at the same time in our cars and I could tell they didn’t want to acknowledge me or say hello as they just sat in their car until I had gone in.

My neighbour would also take by bin and parcels but has stopped.

Is my next door neighbour right to be annoyed and AIBU?

OP posts:
SirBasil · 29/09/2025 12:51

hallogalorrr · 29/09/2025 11:02

I didn’t think that she would want to join as I think her and her OH like to keep themselves to themselves.

She does make it fairly obvious now that she dosent want to engage in convo (she used to chat before) and just walks off when she see’s me.

can you blame her? you started the nonsense by not inviting her to what ought to be a pretty-much public group.

in her shoes I'd start a rival one, and invite everyone but you... but i am petty with time on my hands. I'd probably call it "everyone but that sour-faced eejit at number 36" (maybe not)

Bromptotoo · 29/09/2025 12:52

hallogalorrr · 29/09/2025 11:02

I didn’t think that she would want to join as I think her and her OH like to keep themselves to themselves.

She does make it fairly obvious now that she dosent want to engage in convo (she used to chat before) and just walks off when she see’s me.

Thinking you know what other people think and do has ended more than a few friendships!!

AnyoneWhoHasAHeart · 29/09/2025 12:52

hallogalorrr · 29/09/2025 11:02

I didn’t think that she would want to join as I think her and her OH like to keep themselves to themselves.

She does make it fairly obvious now that she dosent want to engage in convo (she used to chat before) and just walks off when she see’s me.

It’s not for you to make assumptions though based on whether you think she would want to engage.

It should be up to her to decide that. So you ask her, if she says no then it’s been her decision, not your unilateral decision to not invite her to a group which she then found out about from one of the other neighbours.

It’s pretty shit really tbh.

Xiaoxiong · 29/09/2025 12:55

What gave you the idea that they like to keep themselves to themselves, if they take in your bins and packages and they're trotting round with birthday presents and cards for other neighbours?

It sounds like you've made a massive (and incorrect) assumption about them. They're probably not chatting much with you, because they think that you've got a problem with them - and the thing with the FB group has probably confirmed that!

@Grammarnut's advice is sound.

Daughterofthesea · 29/09/2025 12:55

You are the problem here

SassyCow · 29/09/2025 12:57

It should've been up to your neighbour to decide whether they want to join or not. You can't just assume they wouldn't want to. I'm not surprised that they're not bothering to speak to you or taking your bins/parcels in.

RoundandRounnnd · 29/09/2025 12:57

ForeverPombear · 29/09/2025 12:02

Right so you did invite your other neighbour because you speak to them more so you were creating a clique rather than a group for streets. You reap what you sow.

Exactly. The OP sounds like she has Queen Bee aspirations. You deliberately excluded this couple because of how you perceive them. To suggest it was for their benefit is disingenuous. You saw this couple as no more than your personal concierge. Shallow souls like you, OP, are soon unearthed. You sound rather pathetic.

MinnieBaldock · 29/09/2025 12:59

I'd be glad I'm not on the FB group if you have to buy neighbours kids birthday present. Sounds like a nightmare and where will all this present buying end. Will followers be in a panic if they forget someone's birthday or what other time you think they should buy presents.

Imisscoffee2021 · 29/09/2025 12:59

hallogalorrr · 29/09/2025 11:50

Another neighbour down the road she is friendly with her mentioned it to her from what I understand.

I do tend to speak and see my other neighbour more.

It was my daughters birthday and her other neighbours son birthday over the weekend as she went round with a card and gift for them but ignored my DC’s.

Neighbourhood Facebook groups are a thing but three streets worth seems very specific.

That aside, you've simply made a social error in excluding them from the group by assuming they wouldn't be interested in taking part. It's common courtesy if making a group for three streets to give everyone a chance in those three streets to join or they would (rightly) infer that they aren't welcome.

You've created the situation and can remedy it by sending a quick invite and explaining if you miss their cordial greetings that much.

Hoppinggreen · 29/09/2025 13:04

hallogalorrr · 29/09/2025 11:02

I didn’t think that she would want to join as I think her and her OH like to keep themselves to themselves.

She does make it fairly obvious now that she dosent want to engage in convo (she used to chat before) and just walks off when she see’s me.

She used to chat and take in parcels and from this you inferred that she would not want to join a neighbourhood FB group?
You sound bit "mean girl"

Nearly50omg · 29/09/2025 13:06

you’ve caused this situation so you need to remedy it. Go round and apologise profusely and explain your ridiculous actions and say you got it wrong and would like to sort it out as you could be neighbours a loooonnnggg time and it’s very hard living with neighbours that you’ve fallen out with!

FuzzyWolf · 29/09/2025 13:08

I suspect the neighbour has had a lucky escape by not being on the group and all the cliquey behaviour involved.

SurferRona · 29/09/2025 13:09

FAFO

TheLemonLemur · 29/09/2025 13:10

Is this a reverse? If not you are totally unreasonable and acting like a queen bee in a school playground

LillyPJ · 29/09/2025 13:14

I feel a bit Groucho Marx-ish - I would not want to be a member of this group now anyway!

Pollqueen · 29/09/2025 13:14

hallogalorrr · 29/09/2025 11:02

I didn’t think that she would want to join as I think her and her OH like to keep themselves to themselves.

She does make it fairly obvious now that she dosent want to engage in convo (she used to chat before) and just walks off when she see’s me.

I'm not surprised, you've basically publically snubbed them

I wouldn't be taking in your parcels either

limescale · 29/09/2025 13:17

hallogalorrr · 29/09/2025 11:02

I didn’t think that she would want to join as I think her and her OH like to keep themselves to themselves.

She does make it fairly obvious now that she dosent want to engage in convo (she used to chat before) and just walks off when she see’s me.

That was their decision to make unless you intend to be the boss of the facebook group.

ParmaVioletTea · 29/09/2025 13:23

hallogalorrr · 29/09/2025 11:02

I didn’t think that she would want to join as I think her and her OH like to keep themselves to themselves.

She does make it fairly obvious now that she dosent want to engage in convo (she used to chat before) and just walks off when she see’s me.

So you made assumptions, and then excluded her???

Such high school mean girl behaviour. YABU.

Nanny0gg · 29/09/2025 13:31

hallogalorrr · 29/09/2025 11:50

Another neighbour down the road she is friendly with her mentioned it to her from what I understand.

I do tend to speak and see my other neighbour more.

It was my daughters birthday and her other neighbours son birthday over the weekend as she went round with a card and gift for them but ignored my DC’s.

You either start a group for the whole estate or streets or you don't

Starting the whole 'exclusive' thing will never go well

If they don't want to join that's up to them

Go round and apologise and say it was an oversight

You were very rude

Chiefangel · 29/09/2025 13:32

Leaving them out was nasty. Immediately add them to your cliquey little group and apologise for causing offence. Whether they keep themselves to themselves is their business.

SparklyGlitterballs · 29/09/2025 13:36

If I was your neighbour I'd be pissed with you too, especially if I was helpful and took in your bins and parcels. I'd be wondering why you didn't like me.

outerspacepotato · 29/09/2025 13:36

FAFO.

You picked and chose who you wanted on your FB group, didn't invite neighbors who had gone out of their way for you, now they're not going out of their way for you any more.

😎

ClutchingPearlz · 29/09/2025 13:40

hallogalorrr · 29/09/2025 11:02

I didn’t think that she would want to join as I think her and her OH like to keep themselves to themselves.

She does make it fairly obvious now that she dosent want to engage in convo (she used to chat before) and just walks off when she see’s me.

If you're setting up a neighborhood group for an estate it's unwise to pick and choose who to invite. It makes it look like a clique only certain people are good enough to be a part of. It's probably too late but I'd offer a sincere apology and invite them to join. At least that way you've tried to make things right even if they decline.

WeeGeeBored · 29/09/2025 13:44

What a horrible thing you did leaving her out! It wasn’t for you to decide that she probably would not join. That is her decision to make. You owe her a massive apology. And when you apologise don’t give the real reason as it will just add insult to injury. Just say it was an oversight.

Dutchesss · 29/09/2025 13:45

Gosh OP, if this is true then you need to go round and make it right. They're your neighbours.

Go round with some apology chocolates, add them to your group and make it right.