Was I in the wrong? Neighbour issue?

[hallogalorrr]

I created a private Facebook group for the 3 streets on the new build estate where I live.

Most of my neighbours are on it.

My next door neighbour who lives next to me has stopped speaking to me now as from what I gather her and her partner were annoyed that I didn’t invite them to join the group.

I did ask my other next door neighbour to join.

Yesterday we got back at the same time in our cars and I could tell they didn’t want to acknowledge me or say hello as they just sat in their car until I had gone in.

My neighbour would also take by bin and parcels but has stopped.

Is my next door neighbour right to be annoyed and AIBU?

You're reaping what you've sown.

I thought you were going to say “I didn’t realise they were on Facebook” or a similarly innocent mistake, not that you made a conscious decision to exclude them because they ‘keep themselves to themselves’ (what do you expect this group to be used for? Sharing local information, or gossip and the sordid details of everyone’s lives?)

What was the harm in inviting them and allowing them to decide for themselves?

They don’t know why you invited everyone except them, and from the outside it looks quite passive aggressive. It’s like inviting the whole class to a party but excluding just that one kid you don’t like. Personally, I wouldn’t be annoyed - I just wouldn’t feel like spending any time chatting to a grown adult who behaved like that.

You need to go round and apologise. Make up an excuse or white lie if you haven't got the stones to be honest. You should have invited everyone on the 3 streets not just your chosen few and you should 100% have invited your next door neighbour.

😄

I really hope this is a reverse or a troll as surely no-one has so little self awareness in real life 😂

I'd be very hurt to find out if been left out of a neighbourhood group WhatsApp. I'd definitely stop taking in your bins! Why did you leave them out?

You created a neighbourhood group
You invited some but not all of the neighbours

You wonder why the uninvited ones are ignoring you. Really?

Maybe someone else will creaed a group, invite everyone and exclude you- maybe you'll get it then

Maybe someone else will creaed a group, invite everyone and exclude you-

Maybe they already have ?

Why don't you extend an olive branch? Tell her - or put a note through her door - that you made a mistake and that she's welcome to join the group. Apologise. You shouldn't have assumed anything.

What's the point in having a street group if youre not going to invite the whole street to it?! Then really it is a friends who live on the same street as me group

You need to apologise.
If you feel the need, then explain you made an incorrect assumption. You should have let them decide for themselves.
Taking a big serving of humble pie is your only course of action.

You should never assume someone doesn’t want to be invited to something - WhatsApp group, event, etc. Give them the opportunity to say yes or no.

You’re in the wrong although the neighbour sounds very petty.

Good on that neighbour for refusing to take your parcels, I would never do any good towards you either.
You have created a stupid feud over a pointless Facebook group. How immature.
Your actions actually constitute cyber bullying.

Well, yes, you deliberately excluded them which has caused ill feeling. And, you needed the internet to tell you this?

Oh come on @hallogalorrr, of course you’re in the wrong to set up a neighbourhood face book… and then selectively choose which neighbours can join!

Dont complain about how she doesn’t want to talk to you… in her eyes, you’ve deliberately left her out, so why would she?

Either go and speak to her and sort it out or don’t. But don’t make out that you haven’t been the person to cause this in the first place!

Yeah that was a dick move. Invite her.

Why didn't you ask them to join?

People who don't usually (or never!) join in with community things, still want to receive all the general invites everyone else gets.

Firstly, it keeps them in the loop about what is going on locally. Secondly, their lives may change, e.g. retirement or widowhood, and now they do have the time/inclination. Finally, not being included, suggests they're not welcome. This is hurtful.

I would drop them a card saying very sorry; explaining I assumed they would be much too busy, and didn't want to badger them into joining. (Adding in something flattering about their job's long hours or their devotion to their beautiful garden. Whatever you know is important to them, and will ring as trueful.)

And stressing I would be delighted if they would be part of the Facebook group. Giving them all the details about the Group and providing my email to contact me if they want to be formally added.

They may choose not to reply, but will almost certainly be much less upset. And, think about sending them a nice Christmas card this December. No expensive stamp will be needed!

It's very important everyone can fully relax when at home. So it's probably worth a bit of awkwardness to try to fix this.

Very Good Luck!

Your claim that they 'keep to themselves' doesn't ring true if they used to chat to you, take in parcels and bins and give presents to neighbours' children. It sounds like you must have excluded them for another reason?

You made her decision if to join or not.

Why not her decide?

She probably thinks you have issues with her and has withdrawn her goodwill.

Apology + flowers + homebaked cookies / something decent from M&S

On an asap basis

You made a judgement without asking and you were wrong. They were generally friendly neighbours and you didn't invite them on the facebook group. It was up to them whether to join and how much to engage on it, not yours. Go and apologise and explain - they might speak to you again, if you are lucky. Lesson learned: do not pre-judge people (there's a c.2k old warning on this one!).

So your neighbour is good enough to take in your packages and your bin but not good enough for your fb group? Yes you are very unreasonable

You didn’t think they would want to join the Facebook group (aka as you didn’t want them in the group). They don’t think you want them to take in their parcels, buy gifts for your DC or chat to them (aka as they don’t want to go this).