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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I in the wrong? Neighbour issue?

237 replies

hallogalorrr · 29/09/2025 10:05

I created a private Facebook group for the 3 streets on the new build estate where I live.

Most of my neighbours are on it.

My next door neighbour who lives next to me has stopped speaking to me now as from what I gather her and her partner were annoyed that I didn’t invite them to join the group.

I did ask my other next door neighbour to join.

Yesterday we got back at the same time in our cars and I could tell they didn’t want to acknowledge me or say hello as they just sat in their car until I had gone in.

My neighbour would also take by bin and parcels but has stopped.

Is my next door neighbour right to be annoyed and AIBU?

OP posts:
IceCreamWoes · 29/09/2025 11:32

Agree it's a reverse, can smell them a mile away

user1498572889 · 29/09/2025 11:33

You should have asked them and given them the choice to say no. You come across like the clicky school mums that i tried my best to avoid.

Peclet · 29/09/2025 11:35

You had the perfect neighbours! Now you have messed it right up- it should have been her choice to join the group and engage with it as much/little as she liked.

Our neighbours are older, we have very little in common but we are neighbourly with one another- take parcels in, remind one another of bin day changes, water the gardens on occasion. Normal neighbourly stuff. We have a small amount of chit chat now and again. It perfect because we can ask for favours but we are not mates. We have helped them chop down some trees this weekend, last month they looked after our greenhouse plants while we away for the weekend.

Honestly. Go an make your apologies and he honest!

ninjahamster · 29/09/2025 11:36

I can’t even believe you are asking if you were unreasonable! I mean, surely you can see that you have been. Really unkind to create a group and exclude some people, bullying behaviour.

Swiftie1878 · 29/09/2025 11:37

hallogalorrr · 29/09/2025 10:05

I created a private Facebook group for the 3 streets on the new build estate where I live.

Most of my neighbours are on it.

My next door neighbour who lives next to me has stopped speaking to me now as from what I gather her and her partner were annoyed that I didn’t invite them to join the group.

I did ask my other next door neighbour to join.

Yesterday we got back at the same time in our cars and I could tell they didn’t want to acknowledge me or say hello as they just sat in their car until I had gone in.

My neighbour would also take by bin and parcels but has stopped.

Is my next door neighbour right to be annoyed and AIBU?

You all sound very childish.
Talk to them and sort it out as a mid-reading of their wishes to remain private, and apologise if you caused upset.

RosaMundi27 · 29/09/2025 11:40

You're being utterly unreasonable. You deliberately excluded your neighbours from a neighbourhood group based on your own prejudiced assessment. I wouldn't speak to you either.
Go round and apologize, you got this totally wrong.

DramaLlamacchiato · 29/09/2025 11:40

Jesus you all need to grow up.

You were BU to not ask her to join if it’s a group for the neighbourhood

She’s childish and pathetic for seeing her arse over something so trivial and petty

Needlesnah · 29/09/2025 11:40

I live in London - our group has been brilliant. We regularly post messages to warn everyone when our local parcel thief is out and about, or someone has been trying the handles of cars. When a car/van/bike is stolen we can all check doorbell footage. If anyone has received a delivery that has been delivered to the wrong address… the list is endless. It’s not compulsory, obviously, but even the HMO’s tend to join it.

edited to add I was meant to quote Helpmegetthroigg who said
“The whole idea of street WhatsApp and Facebook groups baffle me”

Nedeyk · 29/09/2025 11:42

YABU for saying new build estate where I live and YABU for making groups and if the group was necessary then YABU for excluding people then wondering why they are mirroring your rude behaviour.

Shufflebumnessie · 29/09/2025 11:43

YABU. If you were setting up a group for a specific area then you should have invited everyone to join. There's no obligation for them to accept it but they get to make that choice, rather than you making assumptions.
I would imagine that your neighbour probably thinks you deliberately excluded her and is wondering why.
Go and speak to her, explain your actions weren't anything malicious and let her know you made an error of judgement.

StewkeyBlue · 29/09/2025 11:49

hallogalorrr · 29/09/2025 11:02

I didn’t think that she would want to join as I think her and her OH like to keep themselves to themselves.

She does make it fairly obvious now that she dosent want to engage in convo (she used to chat before) and just walks off when she see’s me.

You shouldn't have made that assumption on their behalf.

You could have invited them and left it up to them to decide whether to be in the group or not.

Apologise and offer to add her.

Original poster
hallogalorrr · 29/09/2025 11:50

Another neighbour down the road she is friendly with her mentioned it to her from what I understand.

I do tend to speak and see my other neighbour more.

It was my daughters birthday and her other neighbours son birthday over the weekend as she went round with a card and gift for them but ignored my DC’s.

OP posts:
Tyler4689 · 29/09/2025 11:50

hallogalorrr · 29/09/2025 11:02

I didn’t think that she would want to join as I think her and her OH like to keep themselves to themselves.

She does make it fairly obvious now that she dosent want to engage in convo (she used to chat before) and just walks off when she see’s me.

OP, can you not see what a massive contradiction this update is?
You’re saying her and her husband keep themselves to themselves, but you’re also saying she used to chat to you before this all happened.

OF COURSE you’re being unreasonable!!!! You can’t make a WhatsApp group for the whole bloody neighbourhood and leave one person out on an assumption they don’t want to be in it. I can’t believe you don’t see how she can be offended here.

Princesspollyyy · 29/09/2025 11:51

You should have invited her to join the group, whether you thought she would want to join or not.

Surely give people the opportunity to join, then if they decide not to, thats their choice?? You’ve effectively made that choice for your neighbour on their behalf. Silly really. No wonder she’s not speaking to you.

Swiftie1878 · 29/09/2025 11:52

hallogalorrr · 29/09/2025 11:50

Another neighbour down the road she is friendly with her mentioned it to her from what I understand.

I do tend to speak and see my other neighbour more.

It was my daughters birthday and her other neighbours son birthday over the weekend as she went round with a card and gift for them but ignored my DC’s.

Stop mithering on about them, and fix it!

Derbee · 29/09/2025 11:52

Sounds like you’ve caused this situation with your tactlessness

OrigamiOwls · 29/09/2025 11:53

So you decided to exclude her and are now wondering why she doesn't want to talk to you?

Having seen the latest update about your daughter's birthday - I'm friendly with pur neighbours but I can't say I know when their kids birthdays are and certainly won't think to buy them a present.

You've excluded her and now she's ignoring you and your family. Surely you can connect the dots here?

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 29/09/2025 11:54

People don’t have to buy their neighbours children a birthday present?

You caused this issue.

AOIFEmissingUalways · 29/09/2025 11:56

hallogalorrr · 29/09/2025 11:50

Another neighbour down the road she is friendly with her mentioned it to her from what I understand.

I do tend to speak and see my other neighbour more.

It was my daughters birthday and her other neighbours son birthday over the weekend as she went round with a card and gift for them but ignored my DC’s.

Now you're just taking the piss.... excluding her from your cliquey FB group, but expecting a present for your child 😆🤣😆🤣

Tyler4689 · 29/09/2025 11:57

hallogalorrr · 29/09/2025 11:50

Another neighbour down the road she is friendly with her mentioned it to her from what I understand.

I do tend to speak and see my other neighbour more.

It was my daughters birthday and her other neighbours son birthday over the weekend as she went round with a card and gift for them but ignored my DC’s.

Do you expect all your neighbours to buy your daughter a birthday present?
Maybe she has a really good relationship with that other neighbour and their child.

Also did you really expect her to buy your daughter a present after you made a WhatsApp group for all the neighbours and didn’t include her?

TonTonMacoute · 29/09/2025 11:57

Well, it seems odd that you didn't invite them to join, they could have said no or just joined and not got involved.

Having said that, it does sound like the most incredible overreaction on their side. Can't stand sulking.

brunettemic · 29/09/2025 11:58

Of course, otherwise the question wouldn’t be asked.

Paganpentacle · 29/09/2025 11:58

She's ignoring you because you excluded them.
Not sure why that's so difficult to understands.
Actions have consequences.

IglesiasPiggl · 29/09/2025 11:59

My neighbour is 86 and doesn't have a smartphone. I still mentioned our street WhatsApp group to her and asked if she wanted to be included. Obviously she didn't but it's the neighbourly thing to do.

To row back from this, invite them now and apologise for missing them off the first time.

HelpMeGetThrough · 29/09/2025 11:59

Why would your neighbour buy you child a birthday present?