Why are women much nicer than men?

[somewhereintheworld]

Last night my OH snapped at me for something trivial and hurt my feelings. I find this totally disrespectful and I would never do that to him. This was about 10 hours ago and I'm still upset. I read on this site regularly about men who treat women appallingly. For example, cheating on them, physically abusing them, not helping with child care/household tasks, staying out all night, getting drunk, taking drugs etc. The list goes on. I appreciate there's some horrible women out there as well, but I think they're in the minority. I also appreciate that not all men are like this. Why do the ones I've described act like this? Is it the testosterone? Is it because they can get away with it? Is it because some women are reliant on them financially? I think as a species women are definitely nicer than men and don't disrespect them in the same way. Not really sure this is an AIBU but just wanted opinions.

You are upset and failing to realise how biased you are being. There are plenty of women that are equally nasty.

I read on this site regularly about men who treat women appallingly. For example, cheating on them, physically abusing them, not helping with child care/household tasks, staying out all night, getting drunk, taking drugs etc.

You're basing your theory that women are nicer than men on a site predominantly used by women complaining about men?

If you went to a forum mostly used by straight men you would get to read the same proportion of stories about men apparently being treated badly by women. That would also be useless data to base any big theory on.

Have you ever been to school in the UK?

Ever worked in an office or corporate environment in the UK?

Women are definitely worse than men. Cruel, bullying and nasty.

Women are nice than men. Well, more specifically, they are more agreeable.

To elaborate, the human personality is much like the flavors of food--food is tasted by our taste buds; there are five groupings of taste buds, one for each flavor: sour, sweet, bitter, salt, and savory. How a food tastes depends entirely on the different taste buds the flavorsnt activates. A tangy sauce may activates the sweet and sour taste buds, whereas ice cream may activate the sweet taste buds, with a tad of bitter activation if it's chocolate ice cream that's consumed. 

 The human personality is expressed in a similar manner, with there being five personality traits just as there are five flavors of food.  According to the Big Five model of human personality, we have five distinct traits; all of which will make up who we are. The five traits are: 

extroversion,
neuroticism,
openness (to experience), conscienciousness, and
agreeableness.
Therefore, a happy, talkative person who always forgets things and gets anxious easily would score high for trait extroversion, neuroticism, and maybe agreeableness, but would scor low for trait conscientiousness.

It is a well- known fact that women on balance are more agreeable than men; it's just how the ball bounces. Men score higher for trait openness. All other traits are equal among the semester. But it's that trait agreeable that sets women head and shoulders above men as far as being nice is concerned. In fact, the very reason why women are loathed to admit that they like bad boys, and would prefer to date and marry a man with a dominant personality style, is precisely due to their inclination towards agreeableness. If women weren't so agreeable, they would be more honest with regards to the kind of men they want to date.

I don’t think they are. My sister is the nastiest person I’ve ever known. Woman aren’t automatically nicer.

Just because your sister is a b doesn't automatically mean that women aren't nice than men. Just because my brother is the best artist I've ever seen doesn't make men better artists than women...

TBH I’ve never found this to be the case. If anything, I’ve probably encountered more bitchy women than nasty-bastard men. Though to be fair, not that many of either.

Men are more violent but women are unpleasant in their own more subtle ways. As I’ve got older I am more convinced that the typical marriage where there’s no village and men and women are expected to share everything 50/50 isn’t working. Imo. Women need other women to help raise children and homes and men need to go out to work and spend time with other men. Not saying women can’t or shouldn’t work obviously, but trying to water down our roles and become ‘the same’ just seems to breed resentment in so many marriages.

There's a difference between feeling entitled and not being nice...

I think there’s a lot of truth in this.

Obviously it’s not all men and not all women but I don’t agree that women in general are “bitchier” or “manipulative”. Most of the incredibly manipulative people I’ve met in life have been men - and the bitchiest!

Not all women are lovely of course. But men do know they can get away with not being nice. Some of the examples you’ve given are ones where men just hold the power to be nasty and selfish - or they’re stronger and more capable of violence.

Absolutely not.

Also - all that said- the bitchiness that men and women are capable of is generally less harmful that actual violence.

The bitchy man I’m thinking of just created a bad working atmosphere , he didn’t physically hard anyone - so even when women can be bitchy too (both sexes can), they’re not killing anyone.

You can be manipulative and still be nice. In fact, a measure of one's success as a manipulator depends largely on how nice he's being.

You were one of them weren't you!

Not saying that, simply saying there are plenty of nasty women around and the nastiest person I’ve ever known is a woman.

This thread reminds me of one of my favourite poems, by Robert Graves:

Why have such scores of lovely, gifted girls
Married impossible men?
Simple self-sacrifice may be ruled out,
And missionary endeavour, nine times out of ten.

Repeat 'impossible men': not merely rustic,
Foul-tempered or depraved
(Dramatic foils chosen to show the world
How well women behave, and always have behaved).

Impossible men: idle, illiterate,
Self-pitying, dirty, sly,
For whose appearance even in City parks
Excuses must be made to casual passers-by.

Has God's supply of tolerable husbands
Fallen, in fact, so low?
Or do I always over-value woman
At the expense of man?
Do I?
It might be so.

This is a site whose posters are predominantly women. Some of these women come on to talk about how awful their partners are. It’s hardly surprising that you get a somewhat skewed picture of how ‘nice’ men are.

I disagree with the idea that men are more prone to violence in the relationship. In fact, women commit more domestic violence than men do. Yes, I know women report DV more often than men, but the fact remains that women commit the lions share of violent acts in a relationship. PROOF: as a woman, ask yourself this: how often have you thrown a pan or plate at your man, thrown a newspaper or book at him, kicked your man, or even slapped your man? Okay, now answer this: how many times has your man ever done the same to you?
I rest my case...

With other women more than with men

Could it be because this is ‘mums’net?

Pop across to Reddit for some comparators?

Because a man can rape and kill a women. I agree that in a relationship, women are nicer. We hold back on making a comment, or avoid a confrontation etc. all because of a deep knowledge that men are bigger than us and therefore more dangerous. We are the only species that is taught to appease our predator

I’ve not noticed that they are. I know lots of absolutely lovely men. Who bare no resemblance to men portrayed on Mumsnet. Women are for more bitchy.

Crickey. Three of the most toxic, psychopathic and manipulative people I ever worked with were white, middle-class women. Cruel and ruthless. Public sector, too, which rightly or wrongly feels somehow more shocking.

Men have an inbuilt self preservation policy I think .Many men are kind to children and animals. But will still have a "hobby" or two, that take up chunks of their time leaving their wife babysitting /dog sitting /shopping etc .Women are conditioned to be the default parent in many cases .Possibly some women may cheat, but lots (not all ) men will cheat if they get a chance.How many will justify it by "not getting enough attention at home " Read sex into attention! Women are kinder generally as Child bearers and home makers .

Does it ever occur to anyone on this site that people can just have personality traits - nice or bitchy or aggressive or whatever - that are in fact independent of sex and gender? It's like an iron law on MN that absolutely every character trait HAS to be seen through the male/female prism.