Why are women much nicer than men?

[somewhereintheworld]

Last night my OH snapped at me for something trivial and hurt my feelings. I find this totally disrespectful and I would never do that to him. This was about 10 hours ago and I'm still upset. I read on this site regularly about men who treat women appallingly. For example, cheating on them, physically abusing them, not helping with child care/household tasks, staying out all night, getting drunk, taking drugs etc. The list goes on. I appreciate there's some horrible women out there as well, but I think they're in the minority. I also appreciate that not all men are like this. Why do the ones I've described act like this? Is it the testosterone? Is it because they can get away with it? Is it because some women are reliant on them financially? I think as a species women are definitely nicer than men and don't disrespect them in the same way. Not really sure this is an AIBU but just wanted opinions.

I think women have a greater capacity to be emotionally cruel or cunning, whereas men have a greater capacity to be violent or selfish. There’s lots of types of ‘nasty’ and I think the sexes cluster toward different types.

Generally the worst women I’ve known have been extremely cunning, always plotting scenarios that work out best for them but worse for other people, usually through jealousy. The worst men have been violent, usually addicted to drugs or alcohol and utterly feckless when it comes to their children.

You’ve clearly not been on this site long enough if you think women are nicer than men!

I agree with you. I think we’ve just been accustomed to accept it! Decades of placating. I never hear a man complain that his wife snapped at him! We’re more patient, we are reflective, nurturing etc. Then they just ogle other women or cheat anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m in a relationship by the way but I genuinely think they’re almost all dirt. I would never have another man live with me if I mange to get rid of this one 😂 I look back at my long term ex and it’s only two decades later that I can see that even though he was one of the ‘good’ ones he was still unfair, he still took advantage of my labour and nurturing and most likely cheated on me. He cried when I left him and begged me to come back for a year, all whilst talking to other women (totally his perogative and I was glad when he actually got a GF because he left me alone) but it kind of proves to me that they don’t feel the same as us about love.

I’ve always thought that too OP being honest , like as a rule we are more geuine & kinder , more trustworthy, I know you will get obviously women that aren’t nice but as a whole like you say we are nicer 🤷🏻‍♀️..

I would never cheat on a partner simply because I’d feel so guilty, & I couldn’t be so fake , whereas I have been cheated on in the past , he had no problem seeing someone else , coming home to me , all about me , having sex with me , but still he was seeing this other woman..
It’s just so fake isn’t it 🤷🏻‍♀️..

Anyway, I’m on board with you OP 🙂

Yes, and often blaming their snappiness on periods or menopause.

Ah the old 'i will act however I want i will just blame hormones'

Sorry disagree. Men are generally more aggressive than women, but women aren’t nicer.

animals on the other hand. Animals are nicer than humans. Hands down.

Was this written by an eleven year old troll, or an adult using chat gpt to troll, I wonder?

Clearly a parody, get off the grog love.

Also OP, you say you read regularly on this site about men treating women appallingly.

So as a regular reader, how have you managed to miss the masses of threads about awful MILs and SILs etc?

Dogs yes. Geese no.

This.

Because women still marry them and put up with it. So many men on Mumsnet are fucking absolute losers. The men I know aren't horrible, mean ,lazy, can't pronounce 'th' etc.

Not really interested in comparing the 2 sites to be honest, the way men get described on here, I have never experienced it in real life.

"One man didn't treat me particularly well therefore almost all men are dirt."

Men can be very entitled and get away with more than women. They can be harsher, angrier and more demanding at work and get respected. If I tried even a fraction of it, I'd be asked if my mental health was ok !?

That said, I find women worse as a rule. Women can be more two faced, bitchy, passive aggressive and jealous of other women. Yes Mil: I'm looking at you with all your fawning over anything with a penis whilst tearing down your fellow females - you horrible cow !

Men will tell you very plainly if they have a problem. Women will smile a saccharine sweet grin and then pull the knives out behind your back.

Great discussion! Maybe my post was a bit of a generalisation, but I was pissed off at the time 😂 I do still think that women on the whole are more agreeable, kinder and have more empathy than men as people have said and that it's down to conditioning from childhood. Probably nice wasn't the best word to use. And I have worked in offices and schools and never personally encountered any bitchiness from other women.

There are also double standards. As someone mentioned up thread, women are allowed to be volatile and rude due to thick stoopid men not understanding pregnancy/hormones/periods/menopause. Women still regularly slap mens faces in soaps and films when angry/cheated on etc and it's not a "thing". If a man smacked his wife on EastEnders post cheating revelation, it a) just wouldn't happen unless they were being portrayed as a wife beater. And b) police would be called etc.

I think in general we're all less tolerant of sex differences and feel entitled to American/counsellor style conversations and expectations of our husbands and wives.

Think we just need to cut each other some slack and lower expectations back down to 'realistic' else the divorce rate will just keep skyrocketing until everyone chooses to be politically gay.

I don't know if women are nicer than men, that's subjective and in my personal life most people are fortunately nice enough.
But I'll take nasty words from women over physical violence from men any day of the week. There's just no comparison.

My DH is the kindest, gentlest creature to walk this Earth.

I am a crotchety old hag.

And I have worked in offices and schools and never personally encountered any bitchiness from other women.

I wonder if your bias made you blind to it?

Lucky you. I've come across bitchy women in many different workplaces. Some of the most unpleasant people I've ever met have been women, including a couple of previous bosses.

Same. My mil is so anti-women, definitely not of the sisterhood.

It's likely because women have a the innate biological characteristics to care for infants, so being more aware to the sence of danger and needs that they have will be natural.

Actually now I come to think of it.

People regularly start threads on MN stating how mean/nasty most people are on here, especially in AIBU.

Yet this is a predominantly female website.

This. Men and women are equally capable of being unkind, vindictive, spiteful and insensitive.

The difference is that women, from a young age, are socialised to be “nice” to be socially accepted. Men aren’t. I’m not justifying your husband’s behaviour because it sounds like he’s been a nob (and this is a whole other post). But its much more socially acceptable for a man to say this than a woman.

Incidentally, I am not sure “nice” is a particularly relevant bellwether. Being “nice” tells you nothing about someone’s character, morals or integrity. It just tells you they have learned the rules of play. “Nice” and good are not the same thing. And “nice” is much more a feminine trait than a masculine one.