AIBU to be a little sad at the idea of dd not believing in Father Christmas anymore?

[Readyforslippers]

Dd is in Year 3 at school (all aged 7/8), she absolutely believes in Father Christmas at the moment. How many more years am I likely to have? I feel perhaps someone at school may spill the beans soon?

I understand some parents don't agree with it, but for me her belief is something quite magical and I feel a little sad at the idea of that ending. AIBU to feel this way and to try to make this year a little extra special just in case? I suppose the problem is that I could end up saying that for several years.

She's growing up too quickly, it's like I've blinked since she was tiny and she's now in key stage 2!

I voted YABU because you’ve just unlocked a new fear for me. DS5 is a little younger but this will be a sad sad day!

I think it totally depends on the school, the children & if anyone has any spiteful older siblings! One of my nephew’s found out from an older sibling of a friend at 6, another found out at school at 7, and my niece is now coming up 7 and starting to ask questions so assume someone has said something to her. It is sad!

That day must come. They grow up and move on. Yes it’s bittersweet but it can be lovely having teens and young adults.

Also you don’t want a kid heading to secondary convinced Father Christmas is real that would be concerning.

Yep, it happens really really quickly. DS is 10 and definitely doesn’t believe now I think, and I’m pretty sure around year 2 or 3 kids at school stated talking about how he’s not real. Bloody annoying. You only really get about 5 years when they are old enough to be excited about Christmas AND believe in Santa. Boo.

But in our house, Father Christmas is 100% real because he’s a concept and the magic of Christmas and no one would get any presents if he wasn’t real. Just like Disneyland wouldn’t exist if Mickey Mouse wasn’t real 🤷‍♀️

I just don’t want to have that convo with him, but if he asks I will. He has younger siblings and he’s a good boy so he won’t ruin it for them, I know that!

The passage of time is sad, but also there's her lovely future self to get to know. You don't really want a 7/8 year old forever, because you'd miss so much.

I wouldn't do anything extra or try to convince her for longer, that's manipulative and makes it about you not her. Just enjoy Christmas as you normally do and try to enjoy watching how she progresses as a person.

My 7 year old dd has been questioning it already, mainly due to classmate with an older siblings telling her that it's all bollocks.

Like you I want to keep the father Christmas thing going for this year at least so I just fumbled it and asked her if she wanted to believe in the magic,and she said that she did. She has a 3 year old sister so I really don't want her telling her before her time either (older brother I'm looking at you!)

Surely few NT kids genuinely believe beyond 8? Think many play along to humour the parents.

Do you really think so? 8 still seems so young to me.

I'm old and I knew it wasn't real by the time I was 7.

This... it's just so implausible as a story, and kids are not daft.

Last Christmas my dd was 4yo (in Reception) and we really entered into the spirit of it all, went to Santa's grotto, did the elf on the shelf each morning. I could tell she was suspicious and mostly playing along from the stuff she said.

I'm pretty sure this is the last Christmas (age 5) where we'll get away with it, and then the one after, she'll be in on it, pretending for the benefit of her younger brother.

I never really tried to preserve it...it was cute but at the same time I didn't want to force them to pretend by the time they were having doubts, or make them feel silly if they were the last to be in on the joke. My oldest came to me with the 'word on the street' in maybe reception/y1, along with evidence, and I was evasive, but after a while said she could choose whether to believe or not.

my year 6 child told me last week that they don’t think Santa is real, so after a few questions I told him , ‘yes you’re right he isn’t, but you mustn’t tell anyone else especially the little children at school.’ I think he was unsure last Christmas but didn’t say anything.

It’s up to you to decide how to manage this but I’ve made sure I don’t “explain” too much - when asked I say “I don’t know how - its just magic”. I’ve also said in life it’s good to believe in things we can’t see - like God, and hope and trust in others, and the rising of the sun every day.

allowing children to know the badly dressed up Santa in a garden centre isn’t real but on “Santas team” is okay for me if they ask

That's interesting, I wouldn't want her to feel silly, but I almost feel she will be determined to believe. She's the same with fairies etc, she is convinced even if people do tell her they aren't real. She just makes her own reasons and finds evidence that they must be!

I think on the one hand this is obviously delightful for you as a parent but on the other hand, there'll come an age (sooner than you think, now that kids have access to the internet so young) where she will need critical thinking skills or else she'll be vulnerable to conspiracy theories or scams. She needs an inner voice going "Does this seem likely? Does this agree with my observations? Are there other things that work in the same way, that I'm more familiar with?"

Not necessarily now, but certainly before she has access to the internet

We never had a conversation about him not being real, i became aware that by year 3/4 they did know but I just kept going with the magic. Dc are 18 and 25 now and although they role their eyes they still put their stockings out!!!

I think I have carried on too long with it, but it’s so sad to put a stop to that magic! Last year my 10yo and 8yo were really questioning it all but I kept it up although they were really skeptical. I told my 10yo earlier this year and she was so glad I told her. I asked her to keep it quiet from her younger sister so she could have one more magical Christmas but now it’s getting closer I’m really not sure if I can keep it from her for another year. She is even more skeptical than my eldest was! Debating whether to tell her but I absolutely don’t want to do it in the actual run up to Christmas so I need to decide soon! Edited to add, although youngest is skeptical she really wants to believe.

DS is 8 in y4 and I am going through this, it has made me so sad. He wants to believe but is questioning. I am going to begrudgingly get him something I never would (a cat) this year to keep it going for probably the last year. He and his little brother (and DH) have been desperate for one for years but I'm not an animal lover and have made it clear we aren't getting a pet. Before the 'animals are for life not for christmas' people come at me, the other half of the reason I'm relenting is because DS4 who we suspect is on the spectum loves cats and is very caln around them, so it is as much if not more for him. That said I hope it works for my eldest for one last bit of magic.

Yes I agree with this, and I've had conversations with my kids about heaven being something you can't prove but a lot of people believe in it (I have religious faith and dh doesn't so this is something that has come up).

Believing in the father Christmas story literally, as in a bloke coming into your room to drop off a present, is quite different though, and I'll be pleased when we don't have to keep that up any more tbh.

I do find this sort of desire to keep kids little a bit unreasonable. She’s changing every day and every day is magical just because of that. It’s absolutely incredible how children grow and develop. Her finding out and maybe joining in the “secret” of Father Christmas from the other side can be magical too. To be sad they aren’t fooled any more seems a bit debasing.

A good point, fortunately I don't think she'd just believe anything, she's quite a suspicious child in other ways. She definitely doesn't trust people she doesn't know. Luckily she won't have free access to the internet for a good while, but I'm trained in e-safety for children and so hopefully I'll be able to make sure she'll be safe when the time for that does come.

It’s so sad! A couple of my friends had to tell their kids themselves before secondary school so you may have a few more years!

There are sound reasons why many rescues won't rehome cats in the run up to Christmas.

Ynbu. But my guess is that you’ll find that you’ll all still enjoy xmasses just as much as before.

My eldest found out in Year 1 when some horrible child in their class told them. I felt that was far too young. They were a bit upset initially but once we had Christmas and they realised nothing changed, and they still got a stocking on their bed they were fine

DC2 we have the opposite "problem" in that they're almost 10 and still appear to totally believe. I know we'll probably need to tell them after this year if they don't find out through other channels but I'm dreading it and have no idea how to approach it.