AIBU to be a little sad at the idea of dd not believing in Father Christmas anymore?

[Readyforslippers]

Dd is in Year 3 at school (all aged 7/8), she absolutely believes in Father Christmas at the moment. How many more years am I likely to have? I feel perhaps someone at school may spill the beans soon?

I understand some parents don't agree with it, but for me her belief is something quite magical and I feel a little sad at the idea of that ending. AIBU to feel this way and to try to make this year a little extra special just in case? I suppose the problem is that I could end up saying that for several years.

She's growing up too quickly, it's like I've blinked since she was tiny and she's now in key stage 2!

She's capable of plenty of critical thinking, as I'm sure are many children who still believe in Father Christmas. I'm definitely doing it for her benefit because she loves it and it makes her happy. Clearly, it would be easier not to. I don't feel she's at the age where I desperately need to tell her just yet.

She reads to herself every day, but I still read to her every night as she loves it, I love it and it well known that it is really good for all children to be read to. She's only Year 3.

I'm not sure what you think she needs that I'm keeping from her?

he told them their god isn’t real either

I'd tell him pretty sternly not to say that sort of thing to people as you can really piss them off. Literal wars have been started because of that kind of disagreement, it's not a laughing emoji matter.

Fine to think it, absolutely not OK to say something like that. "I don't believe" not "your god isn't real".

Sorry for the derail. But it really is not the same as Father Christmas - no one starts wars over Father Christmas

It would start an absolute riot in my school, seriously.

Do you mean in relation to God or Father Christmas?!😂

Most twig when they clock the disparity between their own and their friends gifts from FC. FC is supposed to be the ultimate kind giving person and most kids have an acute sense of fairness. So when they see Lily got an x box and they got a book and some chocolate they start to cotton on ….

Sorry to sound harsh but if she also believes in fairies and such like, you can't claim she has plenty of critical thinking.

This is a genuine problem in society, where a lack of critical thinking leads to proliferation in conspiracy theories, anti-medicalism and so on.

Of course your DD is only 8 so it's fine for her not to have these skills yet, but I'm saying when she does acquire them, that's a reason to be happy and proud not sad.

Why was the other child “horrible” for telling the truth?

God - it’s a secondary school, so I’d be a bit worried if FC started a riot! Although there are always lots of posters adamant their twelve year olds still believe, so who knows!

I would be more concerned than proud if a NT kid genuinely still believed at 10. Think I would keep that to myself.

Noooo my son is 8m old and I was sure I had at LEAST 10 years of Santa. You’re telling me it’s 5?! 😭😭😭😭

I was actually relieved when my dd2 found out. She kept it going for 3 years though as it meant more presents 🤣. But I got fed up of having to hide the presents from Santa. I had about 12 years of it!

She's not 8, she's still 7. She believes in fairies out of choice and determination. She demonstrates her critical thinking in many ways. I'm not just claiming she has critical thinking skills, I know that she does. You can't claim to know her at all,so cannot possible claim to know.

Op, i remember having 'the conversation' with ds and it was bittersweet. When I explained, I took advice from my mum. Santa is real, but he's the personification of giving - a feeling, an idea, rather than just one person. I said that once children get to a certain age, it's their job to help pass that feeling on to smaller children. They therefore become 'Santa'. Ds then helped me with his little sister. He helped me buy her presents, ate the mince pie and drank the milk, helped sprinkle flour in the hallway to make footprints etc.

It worked with him quite nicely, because he understands more abstract concepts like this, but may not work with some kids. I can't see my autistic dd understanding it in the same way because she's very literal. Ds liked the idea that Santa is an idea passed from generation to generation. Giving is magic, isn't it? It's a wonderful feeling.

I don’t think it’s quite the same thing though.

If you’re watching a scary film it doesn’t mean you lack critical thinking skills if you jump and feel tense and afraid. You know that it’s not real but you’re able to suspend reality. That’s what belief in fairies etc is. I know you weren’t being critical of the DD, but I do think they are different sort of views / skills.

I’d wonder where my parenting had gone wrong if I had an 11-12 year old in tears over Father Christmas, honestly.

Did you really believe in Father Christmas at 10 years old?

My 8 year old was asking what he wanted Father Christmas to get him this year. I wondered if he was pulling my leg but I played along. Yep it goes so fast does it OP!

I think you're misunderstanding me and getting defensive.

I'm saying a child acquiring new knowledge and skills is a cause for happiness and celebration, not sadness.

Some cognitive steps are required to realise fairies are not real.

"Have I ever seen one in real life? Have I seen anything similar to one? In terms of the sources that claim fairies are real, are they reputable? Do all the sources agree or are their descriptions contradictory?"

These critical thinking skills are useful for all aspects of life.

Children start with the "appeal to authority" logical fallacy. Ie "my mum says fairies are real, so they are real". Round about KS1-3, most children develop critical thinking skills and start to think "my mum says fairies are real, but she might be mistaken or not telling the truth, for a variety of reasons (eg keeping magic alive). Let me think for myself whether they are real."

There's no need to be defensive about it, but your daughter has not yet reached that developmental stage (or she has but is playing along).

My Daughter was 10, my son 3, he was beyond petrified by the belief that Santa would visit from aged 1, it was cruel to continue lying.
He is 10 and still enjoying the fun, he use to get really excited waiting for Santa, who was his DGF or me, my point is he enjoyed the moment when he knew it was fake.

OK so I'm not sure whether op's daughter genuinely thinks fairies are literally real or is thinking of them as figurative allegories or whatever. If the latter, then yes, I go back to my original suggestion that she is just playing along as most 7/8yos do, I think

Why? 🤔

I'm not defensive, I'm just explaining that you are wrong in your analysis of a child you've not met, based on one piece of information. You don't have enough evidence to draw any conclusions.

I think it can depend how ‘deep’ you go into it all. I never thought I’d be one of those crunchy ‘it’s lying to your child’ parents, but actually I found it all a bit uncomfortable when DD1 started asking about Santa and it started requiring ever more elaborate lies to make it make sense, so we kept it all really vague and didn’t really go massively deep into the whole thing or give specifics, and when she asked outright we told her right away. So that surprised me I suppose; pre-kids I definitely would have scoffed at the idea it was lying to your kids, but when I actually was the one doing it, I didn’t like it because it did feel like that!

DD2 is only 3, so not sure how it will go with her. DD1 (6 now) knows not to spoil it for other children or her sister, but again I don’t feel comfortable if I have to come up with elaborate scenarios or outright fibs, so it’ll all be very vague and non-specific again.

You don't need to spill the beans at all (unless the child is senior school age!) IME what happens is that they realise themselves but like to go along with it for a while longer until they let you know that they know! Let it come to a natural end.

He’s 8 and has ASD he says things there’s no malicious intent behind it just what he thinks is fact