AIBU to be a little sad at the idea of dd not believing in Father Christmas anymore?

[Readyforslippers]

Dd is in Year 3 at school (all aged 7/8), she absolutely believes in Father Christmas at the moment. How many more years am I likely to have? I feel perhaps someone at school may spill the beans soon?

I understand some parents don't agree with it, but for me her belief is something quite magical and I feel a little sad at the idea of that ending. AIBU to feel this way and to try to make this year a little extra special just in case? I suppose the problem is that I could end up saying that for several years.

She's growing up too quickly, it's like I've blinked since she was tiny and she's now in key stage 2!

Why were you furious with a 5yo child for telling the truth?

It’s literally impossible to stop him talking and he works with facts and evidence . He actually doesn’t really comment on people / their appearance etc he has no interest it’s not so much observational truths it’s to do with opinions or concepts mostly that he has no filter .

That’s incredibly sad.

My daughter started to have doubts and was testing us out from about aged ten. But we held firm and only revealed the truth when she was 11. She had twigged the tooth fairy by aged 9 because she heard me printing the letters at night, but played along as she loved the process of it all.

Kids at school talk rubbish about things all the time. It’s easy to make out it’s just another silly rumour. If she questioned it with us, we just used to say it’s up to her what she thought, but was she willing to take the risk of not believing and getting no presents from him. We used a belief in God as our example. Some people believe and some don’t, but that doesn’t mean for those who believe, that he isn’t real to them.

OK, what word would you use for an adult who believes in fairies?

Thank you for ypur comment, I think this is my ideal scenario, I'm not afraid of it, but it is a change as she grows older and the years are just flying by and I think it is this that is making me feel a touch of wistfulness.

Why would I need to label them?

My 9 year old in yr 5 still absolutely believes and that’s ok. She’s not the only one, quite a few do. She knows some of her friends don’t believe but she thinks they’re wrong.

If she gets to the end of year 6 still believing I’ll tell her before senior school - I’ve known quite a few parents who’ve had to do this.

No need to rush to grow up in my opinion - there’s plenty of magicless years ahead

What is sad about not believing in Santa? Are you sad that you don't believe in Santa?

I think I'd worked it out by 6 or 7. I can't remember a moment of revelation or being upset about it. What does it matter when you're seven as long as you still get presents?!

Gosh, I think this view is sad in itself, Christmas for children is about so much more than just the presents.

If you didn’t have more influence over a reception aged child than the kids at school, you’ve got bigger problems ahead.

I was once picking up my daughter from after school club aged 6 and her friend whispered to her I wasn’t her mum, I was someone pretending to be her mum. She looked terrified so I asked her what was wrong and she told me. I asked her what our password was and reminded her children sometimes told lies. It’s easy to treat “Santa’s not real” as just another kid’s lie.

Well hopefully you won't be so laughing-emoji about it next time it comes up, and more "Listen Jonny I do agree with your opinion but just don't talk about god with anyone except family. People get upset about it, it's a no-go topic".

I teach a lot of students with ASD and they absolutely understand rules like that. You're not powerless. I don't think you understand how much trouble he could be in if he says stuff like that when he's older, he could get himself attacked. Honestly I can't believe you don't understand this

I mean, for the same reason that we label anything with words...

Let's put it another way. What would think if your daughter became an adult who believed in fairies?

Did you not explain this to him? As said above, we had to tell DS aged 3, but he was not allowed to shit on other peoples beliefs, especially not their religious belief, ASD or not.
There is a little boy in DS class who has autism, he enjoys shouting at DC that their religion is fake, there is no God etc, clearly it comes through his parents beliefs, if your child has no filter then you monitor conversations around them and supervise your DC media.
He can't help it doesn't cut it.

No sorry, I don't label people based on their beliefs, that would include my own child.

Agree. My ds aged 5 worked it out. Why does the Santa at the mall, fair , school, tv all look different? Children are not stupid.

Come on now, you’re just being a knob.

DS still believed until just shy of 11, when we told him as he was heading to "big" school later that year.

To be fair, he'd had his doubts for a while but was determined to keep the magic for as long as possible so tended to disregard anything that suggested it was all a big con.

This Christmas will be our first proper year of him knowing there's no Santa Claus and he's pretty sad about it. He thinks it won't be magical anymore but I'm determined to make it as magical as possible by doing all the things we normally do that - to me - are really what makes it magic. Traditional stuff like Christmas cookies, Christmas movies, gingerbread, Christmas PJ's and sweets as well as our own special traditions like watching the Mama Mia movies on Christmas day, French toast with crispy bacon, cinnamon sugar and marscapone for breakfast etc

Of course it is.

And knowing that Santa is just a fairy tale does not take away from the joy of Christmas. The magic of Christmas is not dependent on believing in Santa.

Children are not allowed to be children for long in mumsnet world.
9 is the average age for working it out IME.

No way. He’s Y6?? He’s having you on.

The understanding will come with time. I can’t discipline it into him in that way he needs to mature and gain some perspective with time that not all concepts and beliefs ever have a factual base with physical evidence. We have more important things currently to prioritise with ds . It’s on my radar but it’s not the most important thing with him currently that needs addressing. Shutting him down without providing him the facts/evidence he needs just makes it worse he needs to develop emotional maturity which we work on and then the rest will come in time. Luckily he’s at primary and will be home educated for secondary so no real threat to him while at school and by his teenage years hopefully he will be more open to concepts

I’m not 7.

It’s sad because Christmas is about so much more than just getting presents. By the time I was in my 20s, I couldn’t care less about the season (despite still getting presents) it was just another holiday. By this time we didn’t really have the huge family celebration we had when we were younger as we were all scattered to the winds and had jobs that meant it wasn’t always possible.

When my daughter came along, the magic came back, it was lovely to see it through her lense and do all the Santa stuff along with our own family traditions. Now she is 16, we all still love Christmas for different reasons, but if she had lost that innocence at 7 years’ old, she wouldn’t have been old enough to appreciate the other things that the season meant for us. Kids are little for such a short time, so much of the season is centred around Santa with loads of things to take part in, it’s quite shit for them if that’s taken away at such a young age.

At coming up to 10 my dd1 told me, in very matter of fact tones, that she knew Father Christmas was me and daddy, so I might as well admit it.
So I did, while emphasising that she absolutely must not spoil it for any younger children/any others who still believed.

Much later, in her early 20s, she told me she’d been dying for me to deny it, so she could go on believing a little longer!

I so wished I had! 😰🎅🏻

All of these things are easily explained away. My child is far from stupid, we managed to keep the magic going for her.

I have an 11 year old (primary) and her and her classmates still mention santa in their class chat. 😂 I think they just play along tbh. I have been preparing myself the it to be the "last year" since she was about 7/8