AIBU to be a little sad at the idea of dd not believing in Father Christmas anymore?

[Readyforslippers]

Dd is in Year 3 at school (all aged 7/8), she absolutely believes in Father Christmas at the moment. How many more years am I likely to have? I feel perhaps someone at school may spill the beans soon?

I understand some parents don't agree with it, but for me her belief is something quite magical and I feel a little sad at the idea of that ending. AIBU to feel this way and to try to make this year a little extra special just in case? I suppose the problem is that I could end up saying that for several years.

She's growing up too quickly, it's like I've blinked since she was tiny and she's now in key stage 2!

My DS (36) has NEVER admitted Santa isn't real. Now OBVIOUSLY we know he knows, probably around 9ish but he kept the magic going for us. Even now when our fs(15) says something about us getting him stuff for Christmas our son will say 'you mean santa?' with wide eyes. DFS will say , with overly sarcasm, really slowly 'yes....I mean Santa....' and laugh.

It's a lovely balance of the lads pretending and having fun over it.

Obviously you dont want a child really believing when going to comp and if they ask you should tell the truth, but talk about keeping it safe for younger siblings, friends and family to still have that belief.

This, to me, is completely irresponsible parenting.

"It's good to believe in things we can't see" is a fatuous and nonsensical position to take. Why are you teaching something so stupid to your child?

Seriously, what's good about believing in things we can't see? Surely that depends on whether those things are good or real or true. Is it good to believe in homeopathy? Is it good to believe in the devil? Is it good to believe in magnetism or in ley lines or in both?

We absolutely 100% know how and why the sun rises every day. It's not magical or mysterious or made up like Santa or God. You might as well have said "it's good to believe in things we can't see, like farting and the chimes of an ice cream van and the back of your own head."

Absolutely, I didn't say he was being malicious. But all the more reason to tell him firmly never to say that. Not a laughing emoji matter. A very serious matter, your son could make someone very angry.

I got in trouble at a similar age in an RE lesson for saying God doesn't exist, ha. I also have ASD.

Honestly, my friend’s girl is a lovely, all rounded child. Doing well in school, very social, NT, but there were a group of them who all had to be told! Maybe they missed the working it out years due to Covid or something! 🤣

With the fairies, that seem to be a massive distraction for some reason, she's had it confirmed they aren't real, but has the set up opportunities to collect evidence to the contrary - experiments in the garden etx. She just really wants to believe in them, so is choosing to.

With FC she isn't playing along, at this point she'd be surprised because all the evidence she has is that he does. I suspect if she does get told, she'll want to believe so will attempt to find her own evidence.

The school tried to explain to him he was told off but refused to apologise so they called us , apparently he was saying he would apologise if they could offer proof otherwise what he said was right and wouldn’t back down. They said that was not acceptable and he needed to know that a religious belief is protected and that FC is just a social belief ? They wanted us to get him to write a letter of apology at home but we declined as he wasn’t being unkind. Saying it could make someone angry though I don’t see why as parents of those dc could just reassure them and I assume they go to church each week so it’s more a case of if their faith is strong enough ? Thats on them not a factual 8 year old

We tell ours “if you don’t believe you don’t receive”, so whilst I’m certain the 10yo is playing along with us, I’m not sure which way the 8yo was last year but a particularly unpleasant child (not just this) in his class told him so he has doubts at least.

Your attitude and language is disgusting.

I think it’s hard to understand. To ds it was a case of Old white beardy man A wanting children to be good and Old white beardy man B wanting everyone to be good with no concrete proof of the existence of either except he did say real presents from FC were at least real and nobody has ever had a wrapped up present from God

Bloody hell they’ll get there in the end. It’s just a bit of nonsensical magic while they’re little…being a teen and adult can be extremely shit so just let them have a little bit of lighthearted fun while they can 🙄 She’s not raising an idiot?!

For me, both were just completely illogical and I've always been a very logical person. I knew it was impossible for someone to do what FC claims to do so for me it was a no-brainer. Same with God, lol.

It's not about their faith being shaken...! It's the implicit criticism. It's not about whether you think he's right or insightful (clearly you do), it's about protecting him because he might anger the wrong person. It's about keeping your son safe.

Sorry op for the serious derail. I'll leave it now

My parents were very clear that “believing in Santa” was a prerequisite for getting presents so of course I’m played along. Now I much prefer the idea that once they start to question you let them ‘in on the idea’ that it’s something everyone can do for others.

So much nicer.

Well if you have any ideas of how to get someone with ASD who always tells the truth and won’t stop talking to consider others views or opinions that have no evidence when he can only accept facts and evidence please let me know !

My youngest found out Santa wasn’t real in reception when another kid in the class told them. I was furious TBH as felt it was way too young.

Other children will have probably already told her. It is just that you have mote influence in her life than they do at thr moment, so she believes them.
I csn remember an unpleasant older child telling me at about 6, that their dad could do black magic and would make my parents die. I was so happy to be told categorically there is no such thing as magic. I agree with a pp that you have to be careful not to put your child vulnerable to manipulation.
With my own kids once we made it more of a game we all played along with than somethings which wad literally true?

Please elaborate. What language would you use to describe an adult who still believed in fairies?

I see in your follow-up post that your daughter is collecting evidence of the existence of fairies. That's great. To me, that shows she is no longer the unquestioning infant she was, but a curious growing interested girl making age-appropriate enquiries about the world.

Why would you want to keep infantilising her by trying to prolong her belief in something fake? I don't get it.

I'm asking her not to, not saying she is.

You're not telling him to believe in it, ffs. You're telling him not to talk about it.

Just like, presumably, you teach him not to insult people, "you are fat" etc. Because many people would interpret what he said as a serious insult, and would kick off at him. Or he could get fired at work for for religious harassment.

Surely this is obvious? You want to keep him safe.

I definitely wouldn't call anyone an idiot for not thinking the same way I do.

I'm not infantilising her, she's 7.

We're normally very modest for dd at Christmas, but some of these responses are making me consider going completely the other way this year!

My dd is NT and she stopped believing on Christmas Day last year. She was 9.5. She just asked if we brought the presents and I said what do you think. She says yeh you do it don’t you. She loved it and felt smart she worked it out. Now every time we mention Christmas we say Santa is coming and she winks at us. She’s keeping it going for her 2 year old sister bless her. We’ll keep the magic going anyway and she loves playing along.

I don't think there has to be some massive drop off where to sit a dc down and "reveal the truth". I've never once admitted Santa isn't real, and I found that their genuine belief has gently merged into an understanding that it's a game we are playing together.

My dds are 12 and 14, we still put out stockings and leave a drink and cookie on the side on Christmas eve. They know it isn't real, but they are no less enthusiastic than when they were little.

Honestly, it's nothing to be afraid of. It feels ok. I have my moments of bittersweet nostalgia of tiny dc who are bursting with magic and excitement, but there's a different type of magic in teens who help in the kitchen or choose you thoughtful gifts because they want your Christmas to be as magical as theirs is.