AIBU to be a little sad at the idea of dd not believing in Father Christmas anymore?

[Readyforslippers]

Dd is in Year 3 at school (all aged 7/8), she absolutely believes in Father Christmas at the moment. How many more years am I likely to have? I feel perhaps someone at school may spill the beans soon?

I understand some parents don't agree with it, but for me her belief is something quite magical and I feel a little sad at the idea of that ending. AIBU to feel this way and to try to make this year a little extra special just in case? I suppose the problem is that I could end up saying that for several years.

She's growing up too quickly, it's like I've blinked since she was tiny and she's now in key stage 2!

My eldest is 8 and in year 3. She was questioning it last year as some kids at school told her Santa isn’t real. I will be surprised if we get away with it this year but I really hope she plays along as she has younger siblings who are 5 and 2! She is neurodiverse though and quite black and white about things, so I feel she may spill the beans without realising the consequences even if we ask her to play along for her siblings. I’ll be sad if my younger 2 get the magic spoilt early, particularly my youngest who still doesn’t actually understand yet!

9yo last year was getting suspicious, 5 yo ds just thinks it's the parents. Tbh I cannot wait until they both know it's us but we can continue to pretend to make it christmassy but maybe not have to wait til bloody 2am to sneak on on Xmas eve because they are still awake!

As a child who has no memory of ever believing in Father Christmas (my dad was a Father Christmas for hire every year, so me and my siblings knew extremely quickly), we still found Christmas absolutely magical and special. Father Christmas just wasn’t part of it.

I think the whole FC is so overrated. There’s so many other things to love about Christmas.

Think what a child needs to do in 18 years - go from no understanding to adulthood. If they don't start understanding the difference between stories and reality at the natural age for them, it isn't helpful. Your job is to let her grow up, not push or prevent it.

Spoiler alert! 🎅
You telling me he's not real? 😮
(actually I think my illusions were shattered early on, when I went to sit on Santa's knee at a big kids party where my parents worked - apparently I said something like 'you're not Santa, you're my daddy' 😃
I must have been about 5 years old.)

My year 5 still believes. I think this will be her last year.

Agreed. I knew when I was about 6, but didn't say anything for at least one Christmas.

My DS asked a couple of times and I turned the question back on him and asked him what he thought. He would never answer the question so I wasn't totally sure whether he knew or not, but I think by around Y3 he probably knew, or definitely suspected, that Santa wasn't real.

Also, all the good presents that he really wanted were always under the tree, from us or other family members and acknowledged as such. Santa left a pillowcase of fun stuff, but never the big ticket items, so him not existing would never change the basic routines.

The only conversation I instigated with him was during the summer holidays between primary and secondary school. He said "of course he isn't real - but do I still get presents?"

My DC are teens, we've never discussed Santa. They still get stockings snd put mince pie out for him. They are clearly humouring me but we all love the magic of it and they say the stockings are the best bit about Christmas. So Santa being real or not is just never discussed.

My eldest found out quite late at 10. She has ADHD so I find she can seem younger than her age. She cried and said something like ‘I feel so stupid’ I was devastated! once it sunk in I asked her if she’d rather she had never believed in FC and missed out on the magic she’d felt over the years and she said no. Youngest is very logical and started asking questions when she was around 6/7.

Do you know what pisses me off? We don't get a choice in this whole father Christmas shit cause it's everywhere! I have to go along with it for years because people have to insert magic everywhere and it's tiresome.

Prepare your kids for the real world and stop peddling this crap!

Hey, wait a minute! What am I reading here?
Are you lot suggesting Santa Claus doesn't exist? Think about it. Who brings the presents then? Use a bit of common sense.

Sorry, of course he is, my mistake!

My daughter was 11 and in year 6 when she found and was devastated 😔 Silent sobbing tears 😭. Her sister is 10 now and still believes but I think it may be her last year. I love Christmas when they believe and I was so sad when she found out 😂😂😂 but I have to say it’s easier with the eldest now, less skulking around and won’t have to do the sodding elf anymore. Why I started that thing I do not know!

This. I had a niece playing along until age 10 because the adults in our family don’t do stockings she thought that she wouldn’t get one if she didn’t pretend to believe. DD8 hasn’t believed since about 6 and it was because she realised the Easter bunny was made up and then realised santa and the tooth fairy fall into the same category. She plays along quite convincingly though when Christmas time rolls around though because she finds it fun. I guess we all look at things differently but I’d be more concerned with their lack of critical thinking than the loss of the magic if I had an older child that still very much believed. I think they’re fewer in number than a lot of people might think though!

I always find the descriptions of other ‘horrible’ and ‘spiteful’ children on these threads a bit odd, to be honest (and really NOT in the spirit of Christmas!)

I mean, they are telling the truth, aren’t they? 🤷‍♀️ and a lot of the time aren’t doing so to be spiteful, just sharing their knowledge as kids do.

Besides, even if your children attend a school that is very white British and encounter few if any other cultures I think respecting and knowing about other peoples differences is more important than a belief in Santa. Not everyone celebrates Christmas, after all!

Yeah I agree with this.

Tell the truth and you’re horrible and spiteful; quietly decide just to have gifts from family and friends and you’re a killer of the magic!

In this house, if you don’t believe in Father Christmas, you don’t get a stocking. I find it tends to crystallise the thoughts very well.

I think I'll be a bit sad the day it happens, best part of christmas is seeing her face light up because Santa's been.

Exactly cause I then have to tell them to be careful in school cause I had some woman kick off at me cause they found out from my dd?

Grow uppp

Surely most kids don’t believe in this after around 6, but are in it for the experience?

You can have the experience and enjoy that for quite sometime.

Whilst I hope no one spills the beans to dd for this year, I wouldn't think they were being spiteful or horrible of they did. I'd think it a shame if it is a bit sooner than I'd like, but I do think it's a fairly normal way to find out.

DD1 is an incredibly sceptical child and at the age of 5 last Christmas time demanded to know the truth, said Santa just didn’t make sense and she was sure it was really us who did the stockings etc. So we told her, she said ‘I knew it!’ and then Christmas proceeded the same way as it always had. We put the milk and shortbread out for Santa, hung up her stocking, etc. and she was just as excited as always. In fact I’d say she was perhaps a bit relieved to find out the truth as she hates not knowing stuff. Imagination is such a huge thing with young kids that whether they think he’s real or not doesn’t really matter that much.

The "magic" becomes the love and happiness of everyone around you. Knowing your parents (grandparents, etc) carefully chose and wrapped something you'd particularly like.

And I think op needs to ask herself - are you doing Father-Christmas-is-real for your benefit, or for your child's? Why are you sad about your child learning critical thinking, the most useful skill a child can learn?

Were you sad when she learnt to read (of course not, I'm sure you were proud and happy). Even though she will soon not need you to read her bedtime story any more, she can do it herself, is that something to try and delay?

So try to reframe your thinking. It's not about your needs, it's about hers

I think @MumoftwoNC has hit on why I don’t really like it; it’s for the parents rather than the children.

My ds got in a lot of trouble last year when some kids were saying FC isn’t real and he told them their god isn’t real either that maybe both are just an idea to make people be good 😂