Stepson ready to be discharged from hospital but nowhere to go

[Burnterni]

This may be all over the place so sorry in advance. I have a DS, he’s 27, A step daughter, who's now 31 and a stepson who's 22. I've been in step children’s life since they were 1 & 10, and my son was 3. their mum passed away a few months after SS was born. My sons dad was never in his life so my now late husband was a father figure to him as well.

I was always close to my stepchildren growing up and I am still close to SD. SS was difficult as soon as he hit his teens, he was permanently excluded from his private school, he got into drugs, shoplifted and we probably did let too much slide. When he was about 15 my late husband walked in on him in bed with another boy, DH didn't handle it the best. I think he was shocked and he ended up calling him disgusting etc, he did end up apologising but I think that ruined their relationship. He also has never gotten along with my DS, he always said he was everyones favourite and he was really cruel to him a lot of the time, my DS really tried to make an effort but he didn't care. In reality, it probably looked like stepson was the favourite because as I said we let him get away with a lot and perhaps we shouldn't have but DH would make excuses for him because his mum died when he was just a few months.

Anyway, the my DS being the favourite allegations wasn't helped by the fact when DH died (5 years ago) he left his business to my son, my son was already working there and had been since he was a teen and knew the trade. Stepson had no interest and frankly, I don't think my DH trusted him (his death was also unexpected so it could've changed if he didn't passed away then). SS didn't go to the funeral which was his choice and while I've been trying with him we don't have a relationship at all really.

He thinks he's above everyone in his attitude, he pushes everyone away because he gets angry with them and says horrible things to them (he has done this even with SD over text) no matter what someone has done for him, he often paints them as the villain and as he's the saint. He wouldn't leave my son and his gf alone, he lied to DS that his gf cheated on him and then at the same time lied to his gf about DS cheating on her for no reason whatsoever. My DS and his gf now don't want anything to do with him.

He barely has a relationship with SD, he was staying with her for a bit when he left here but in the end she told him to leave, I don't know the full story but he caused problems for her and her partner and wasn't appreciative of anything.

He doesn't work, he worked one shift at a supermarket and quit because he thinks he's above it. He stays in a hotel atm because he has no friends to stay with anymore. He has no friends. Most other family have fallen out with him and have blocked him. He's quite manipulative

Now the issue: he was rushed to hospital earlier this week and needed emergency surgery as his appendix had ruptured. A random person phoned the ambulance but if it had been left any longer he would've died, anyway he's in hospital and recovering and he's likely to be discharged tomorrow but due to the surgery and it not being a simple surgery for appendicitis they can't discharge him to stay on his own, it will be a complicated recovery so he will need help with things. The issue is he doesn't want to come and stay with me, his reasons are that DS will visit and act smug toward him, which he won't do. Just because they don't have a relationship doesn't mean he doesn't care, he's been asking me how he is. I've told him this but he still doesn't want to stay at mine, he's adamant he'll be fine on his own “because that’s how it's always been” (his words). But due to the hospitals duty of care they won't discharge him

What do I do?!

It is also worth saying that if the father genuinely thought his own son was not at the time responsible enough to inherit the whole or a share of the business, he could have left his share in trust for him and given the OP’s child the authority to run the business as he saw fit. But he chose not to do this and now his son is homeless and the OP’s child is thriving and successful

Walk away.

He is an arse, will probably always be an arse. I would suggest that a lot of gay people are so victimised (in their own head), incredibly selfish and desperate for drama.

I understand that will be controversial and the vast majority of gay people don't behave like that.

I completely agree with a lot of what you say. My concern is that from what the OP is saying it sounds like this trauma may have resulted in him developing a narcissistic personality disorder and if that's the case then there is no saving him:

He thinks he's above everyone in his attitude, he pushes everyone away because he gets angry with them and says horrible things to them (he has done this even with SD over text) no matter what someone has done for him, he often paints them as the villain and as he's the saint. He wouldn't leave my son and his gf alone, he lied to DS that his gf cheated on him and then at the same time lied to his gf about DS cheating on her for no reason whatsoever. My DS and his gf now don't want anything to do with him.

He barely has a relationship with SD, he was staying with her for a bit when he left here but in the end she told him to leave, I don't know the full story but he caused problems for her and her partner and wasn't appreciative of anything.
He doesn't work, he worked one shift at a supermarket and quit because he thinks he's above it. He stays in a hotel atm because he has no friends to stay with anymore. He has no friends. Most other family have fallen out with him and have blocked him. He's quite manipulative

He's been through several seriously traumatic experiences but I honestly think it's probably too late for the OP to majorly change anything at this stage. OP I would say to him that your offer stands but he's an adult so it's his choice if he takes it or not.

I haven't RTFT but was SS compensated at all for the loss of the family business? I have to admit it strikes me as a bit unfair that he was effectively disinherited in favour of your DS, so who knows how he feels, especially having lost his mum young and then growing up in a blended family with all the nuances and subtleties that can entail. He sounds difficult but tbh I'm not surprised.

Obviously I don't know anyone directly but I can't imagine this situation is what his mother would have hoped for, in particular that assets belonging to her son's father would be distributed elsewhere on his father's death and he would be left an orphan and without a place to live. It's like when Lynda Bellingham's sons were disinherited by her widower- despite his assurances that he would look after her boys, they've been left with pretty much nothing.

I get that he's not your son, but your son is benefitting from assets that were acquired by his biological father. I'd look to compensate him as far as possible for the loss of those assets - at least that way he will have means of his own. If he chooses to waste it, then that's up to him, but that strikes me as the right thing to do here.

Compensated for a business he never worked in and was uninterested in what sort of NEPO baby crap is this

He is an adult. The hospital will have come across adults needing post hospital care before and will know what to offer. If your SS refuses then that is his choice.

Didn’t the OP say he was 17 when the father died? I think your expectations here are way too high. I wouldn’t disinherit my minor children on that ground alone and leave them homeless and relatively unprovided for.

You dont know he was disinherited just that he didn't get a business he hadnt worked in nor showed an interest in

So what? Let him paint anyone how he wants. If he's being difficult then it'll be blatant. Nurses don't button up the back

There will be procedures for people who are on their own leaving hospital. You need to let them get on with it.

Those bleeding hearts who are posting. Yes he might have trauma but sometimes that trauma progresses where you can't bring them back. I'm sure the OP will be willing to pass on his details and one of you can take him in.

I strongly suspect the son got the business and the OP got the house and that those were the two biggest assets by far. So even if he was left something, it was not an even split when it could have been by means of a trust.

And I come back again to the fact that he was 17 when the father died so would still have been at school. Other than maybe helping out on a Saturday if it was that kind of business what should he have been doing to “earn” the right to be provided for by his own father.

Nothing.

I find this bizarre. Do you have kids? Don't you want them to inherit your assets?

He's a child who has had a rough time, to put it mildly. Of course he should have his share of his biological parents' assets. I agree he doesn't seem interested in the business (although who knows if that would always have been the case) but IMO he is entitled to compensation in lieu of that. Of course, nothing will ever truly compensate him for the very early loss of his mother or the fact his father didn't seem to ever really love him, but it will at least stop him from being homeless as well as an orphan.

Call the ward, tell staff clearly ou've offered to have him but he's refused your - kind - offer. I'm sure they are aware by now that he's a difficult and troubled character Then contact ss. Tell him your door is always open to him but then loosen contact. He knows where you are but you can't force an adult to stay with you. You've done all you can.

He was about 17 when his Dad died. He would presumably have been younger when his Dad made a will leaving his business to his step brother.

Just how much interest and work was he supposed to have been able to put in?

And how much interest and work had OP’s son put into this business when he was 17? It’s very unfair that just because the OP’s son is 5 years older that he got the business outright rather than any form of trust to protect the business and the bio son’s interests until he was older.

I also wonder whether there were any assets when the first wife died either life insurance or compensation or equity in property which were ploughed into the business or the house and which the bio children should have inherited over the OP’s son.

As to when this will was written, hands up who thinks it was probably in the aftermath of discovery the son was gay!

But the OP has offered to take him in to recover hasn’t she and the step son has refused. She can’t physically force him to come with her.

After the damage he has done, yes, she has the right to tell him he is on his own.

But she hasn't. Which you conveniently forget. The OP stupidly offered him to come back. HE said no! What should she do? Go up there and frog march him to her house?

DSS had no interest in the business, as OP herself said. DSS didn't even want it so a man being left a business he was already employed in and understood it makes sense.

And he clearly has inheritance as he has been living in a hotel while not working. You clearly haven't even read OP's posts.

He clearly has inheritance as he has been living in a hotel while not working. You clearly haven't even read OP's posts either.

He seems to have more money than OP and her son.

If you had read the OP's posts you'd know that SS isn't homeless, he lives in a hotel, and hasn't worked a day in his life except for one hour in a supermarket. Which he left because he thought he was too good for that work.

A man living in a hotel, never having worked a day in his life, most certainly has received an inheritance from his father (and unless OP clarifies, it was from his dad as, OP has said, SS fell out with his entire family and has nothing to do with anyone in his whole family) it was clearly a lot since he's living in a hotel! He is not destitute, and not homeless.

I guess that depends whether you think he’s staying in a travel lodge paid for by benefits or has a suite at the Ritz which he funds from the ££££ his father left him. Though the references to him sofa surfing for months beforehand would I think tend to support my understanding more than yours.

And your expectations of this man are way, way too low.

He hasn't been disinherited. He hasn't worked a day in his life and has the money to live in a flipping hotel. He is not homeless and he has (by the sounds of it) been more than adequately provided for. So much so he's living it up in a hotel.

He hasn't had a rough time, he has caused a rough time. For his sister too, that lost her father!! So much so that he is alienated from his entire extended family!

When does accountability kick in?