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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it almost unbearable being around my mum in this situation?!

169 replies

Ahhhhhhhhhhg · 27/09/2025 19:27

My Mum is early sixties. She’s very youthful looking and takes pride in her appearance. Her hearing is generally terrible and’ profoundly deaf ‘ in one ear. Hearing aid been advised. She won’t have one.

Today we went out with my toddler and it was just horrendous. She can’t hear anything and I’m constantly repeating myself and she’s speaking loudly herself. I’m so so frustrated she won’t simply get this sorted as she doesn’t like the aesthetics and she says it makes her feel old. My parents are wealthy and she could also get this sorted privately very fast. AIBU to feel this is unbearable?! I never thought something like this would irritate me but I’ve spent the majority of today feeling worn out

OP posts:
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5
Simplestars · 27/09/2025 19:29

I don't think the hearing impaired realise the impact it has on others.
Repeating yourself.
Talking loudly.
Been spoken to loudly.
No real good flow of conversation.

Hearing loss increases risk of dementia too.

user5972308467 · 27/09/2025 19:30

Early loss of hearing is a factor in developing dementia, so tell her that to try and persuade her.
Hearing aids are teeny tiny these days - you’d never notice them at all with the right hairstyle.

SkaneTos · 27/09/2025 19:31

I think it's very common to be reluctant to get a hearing aid.

Are your parents married? What does your other parent think about the situation?

Original poster
Ahhhhhhhhhhg · 27/09/2025 19:31

@Simplestars @user5972308467 what is the link with dementia?

OP posts:
NorthLion · 27/09/2025 19:32

One of my parents has a hearing aid but you can’t even see it. I never ever notice it now. Has she seen all the options available?

Original poster
Ahhhhhhhhhhg · 27/09/2025 19:32

SkaneTos · 27/09/2025 19:31

I think it's very common to be reluctant to get a hearing aid.

Are your parents married? What does your other parent think about the situation?

@SkaneTos he gets incredibly frustrated too

OP posts:
Simplestars · 27/09/2025 19:33

Ahhhhhhhhhhg · 27/09/2025 19:31

@Simplestars @user5972308467 what is the link with dementia?

Hearing loss is an increased factor of dementia.
Perhaps this will persuade her to get those hearing aids

Original poster
Ahhhhhhhhhhg · 27/09/2025 19:34

Simplestars · 27/09/2025 19:33

Hearing loss is an increased factor of dementia.
Perhaps this will persuade her to get those hearing aids

Show quote history

@Simplestars thanks, in what way? As in they lose the ability to connect with others?

OP posts:
AmberBeaker · 27/09/2025 19:35

Ahhhhhhhhhhg · 27/09/2025 19:31

@Simplestars @user5972308467 what is the link with dementia?

Untreated hearing loss is one of the 17 modifiable risk factors for developing dementia. Specsavers can do hearing now alongside your regular eye test, maybe that would be more palatable to her than going to a hearing aid place.

SkaneTos · 27/09/2025 19:36

@Ahhhhhhhhhhg
Can your father perhaps talk to her about it?

I agree with previous posters about hearing aids being discreet (and good) nowadays. Hearing aids might take some time getting used to, but after that I think they seem to work well.

Kellykukoo · 27/09/2025 19:37

YANBU. Like PP said, the resistance to get hearing aids is very common. I had to contend with a similar situation and was accused of intentionally mumbling to test how well they could hear. I wasn't mumbling at all. It was just that after a long period of repeating myself and shouting, I gave up and reverted to speaking at a normal volume. It still took about a year after this for the person to get hearing aids though. I sympathise with you.

user5972308467 · 27/09/2025 19:37

Ahhhhhhhhhhg · 27/09/2025 19:31

@Simplestars @user5972308467 what is the link with dementia?

You’d be best to google as that’d explain better than me! But essentially it makes your brain work harder, social exclusion etc, lots of small things of failing hearing that add up to increased risk.

My friend has recently had hearing aids in his 40’s, they are so small it’s ridiculous. They are controlled by an app (what isn't these days!) to alter how they work one on one, or crowds, or music etc.

AmberBeaker · 27/09/2025 19:37

Ahhhhhhhhhhg · 27/09/2025 19:34

@Simplestars thanks, in what way? As in they lose the ability to connect with others?

Show quote history

No it's more correlational research that shows people with untreated hearing loss are more likely to develop cognitive impairment than people who don't have hearing difficulty.

Reachedtheend · 27/09/2025 19:40

Gosh I didn't know about a link between hearing loss and dementia.
Surely her problem with hearing must be severely imparing her quality of life . Apart from not hearing people talking to her it must be affecting her ability to listen to the tv and radio and music etc?
So silly when hearing aids can be so unobtrusive now.
When I'm in my local library a lot of people come in and get batteries for their hearing aids because they are issued free there. And they hold a monthly drop in hearing aid clinic for people having problems with their hearing aids. Which is a great service and very interesting to listen to. Although I don't know if people mind the lack of privacy.
I hope your mother sees sense OP.

Happyjoe · 27/09/2025 19:41

She needs to stop being vain, she's missing out in life here big time too. Some hearing aids are teeny tiny too, so she may be one of the lucky ones.

Louisa58 · 27/09/2025 19:49

Ahhhhhhhhhhg · 27/09/2025 19:31

@Simplestars @user5972308467 what is the link with dementia?

I am 66 and have had hearing aids for the past 3 years. I have lost my top range due to many years working in the music business. When I was tested I was informed that there is now 25+ years (white papers) research that loss of hearing is linked to dementia. It’s to do with our 5 senses ie touch, taste, sight, smell and hearing. if the brain is not stimulated as normal by these senses then that part of the brain will push hard to rectify but then give up, hence the now clinically proven link to dementia. That was enough for me to make my decision - as whilst there is no history of dementia in my family I don’t wish to take the risk. Took a bit of getting used to but now enjoying the benefits - they are like having EarPods… phone calls direct into ears, streaming music etc. I hope your mum can view them as ‘cool’. I have a few friends now wearing them without concern.

Juliejuly · 27/09/2025 20:10

Your mum is being a twit! I’m much the same age as her and fixing up hearing aids for myself are on my current ‘to do’ list. My hearing is ok but not as good as it should be and I don’t want to miss out on life around me, or my increase my risk of getting dementia.

Juliejuly · 27/09/2025 20:12

The other thing is that now the newer models look like earbuds anyway so who can tell what they’re for?

HeartbrokenCatMum · 27/09/2025 20:14

They can be very subtle now, and she has money to buy good ones

BrendaSmall · 27/09/2025 20:15

Simplestars · 27/09/2025 19:33

Hearing loss is an increased factor of dementia.
Perhaps this will persuade her to get those hearing aids

Show quote history

I work in care, in a dementia home, 65 people with dementia only 3 of them have hearing problems!

Jb0011 · 27/09/2025 20:15

Ahhhhhhhhhhg · 27/09/2025 19:32

@SkaneTos he gets incredibly frustrated too

Show quote history

Hearing aids don't give you your hearing back, it's a very strange sensation. Its like the sound is fed back differently. I have hearing aids and don't wear them because it makes the hearing very tinny, and actually the little wire aggravated my ear canals until I got an infection. I would rather be deaf than wear them.

user1471453601 · 27/09/2025 20:18

I'm in my mid 70s and have worn hearing aids for over 20 years.

Mine are tiny and unobtrusive. The app I use to control them is great. I especially like the restaurant setting which quitens the background sound and amplify the spoken word - my friends appreciate that setting too 😂. The music setting is brilliant too, music no longer sounds tinny, but more well rounded.

If your Mum really puts appearance before function, I'm not sure how you could persuade her otherwise.

people who have hearing loss can easily find themselves more and more isolated. There's only do many times you can ask someone to repeat themselves before you both give in and decide what's being said isn't really that important.

isolation in old age is dangerous, as others have said, the link to dementia is clear.

Pomegranatecarnage · 27/09/2025 20:21

My mother was the same. It drove me nuts! The final straw was constantly having to go round as she couldn’t hear me phoning. She got one ten years ago aged 78! Instantly worked-I can’t even see the hearing aid.

IReadMuchOfTheNight · 27/09/2025 20:23

Hearing aids are tiny these days - I wore one for six months without my colleagues noticing until I referenced it (but I do have fairly long hair, which I wear down).

ElBandito · 27/09/2025 20:24

Tell your mum that a hearing aid won't make her look older but what DOES make her look old

  • having the TV dialled up to 11,
  • people shouting at her and starting to patronise her because the poor old dear can't hear
  • giving daft answers because she didn't hear the questions
Im lucky, the memory of how bad my nans hearing was, and how it made her look, meant that my mum was off to get a hearing aid like a shot the first time I mentioned that the TV was a bit loud!