To find it almost unbearable being around my mum in this situation?!

[Ahhhhhhhhhhg]

My Mum is early sixties. She’s very youthful looking and takes pride in her appearance. Her hearing is generally terrible and’ profoundly deaf ‘ in one ear. Hearing aid been advised. She won’t have one.

Today we went out with my toddler and it was just horrendous. She can’t hear anything and I’m constantly repeating myself and she’s speaking loudly herself. I’m so so frustrated she won’t simply get this sorted as she doesn’t like the aesthetics and she says it makes her feel old. My parents are wealthy and she could also get this sorted privately very fast. AIBU to feel this is unbearable?! I never thought something like this would irritate me but I’ve spent the majority of today feeling worn out

NHS hearing aids are very good for most people, especially in the mild to moderate range of high frequency loss, which is the cause of 95% of hearing loss, especially as we get older. They are mostly made to help with speech as this is the biggest problem with high frequency loss. However, I have a very unusual type of hearing loss that affects all frequencies and quite a big loss, too. For me, the most important aspect was hearing music and my old NHS aids completely distorted how music should sound - they were nowhere near strong enough, either, but that's another story. This is the main reason why I went down the private route and I have never regretted the decision.

This. Plus eating can be very noisy as that is amplified too. Additionally hearing aids don’t fix all hearing problems.

That said, they do reduce dementia risk and apparently getting them before your hearing deteriorates too far is better as that part of your brain becomes less effective if not used for too long.

I agree hearing aids are really helpful and prefer my dad to wear his but some of the comments in this thread are ableist and pretty unpleasant.

Yes, I love this aspect, too. I travel by train fairly frequently and it is wonderful to be able to listen to the music l enjoy while reading and all without disturbing anyone else. In addition to this, I also have a disabled person's railcard, which allows me ⅓ off the full fare.

“My parents are wealthy and she could also get this sorted privately very fast.”

OP, really encourage your DM to do just that. A friend of mine went to get hearing aids privately - they fit inside the ear and honestly, you wouldn’t know she was wearing them. She loves them because they connect to her phone so she can listen to music or podcasts as well as the phone itself - she would be the first to say it’s transformed her life. I know the difficulty of getting someone to an appointment - I’m currently struggling with DH - but if your mother has money, she can have a state of the art hearing aid that will be practically invisible.

The totally invisible ones aren't suitable for everyone though. They're no good for me, even though my hearing loss isn't too bad. They completely close the ear canal which means that no natural sounds waves get through. You're only hearing what the aid sends you. So your brain starts to forget how to interpret sounds coming through the air.

I saw two different specialists, and neither of them were fans of the invisible ones, for that reason.

How incredibly vain she is! That would make me
very angry indeed

she needs a good telling off (or maybe write it down 🤣)

It depends what type he has but I can adjust mine on the app to cancel out background noise. If I don’t adjust mine , when I’m out I can hear others conversations but not the conversation I’m actually part of.

I have a hearing problem and resisted getting hearing aids. I can't believe how much easier life is now I have them.

I think being deaf makes you feel very isolated. When you're in a group of people you can't follow what's going on, so you either sit back and smile and nod, so miss out on the conversation, or you have to keep asking people to repeat themselves, which makes them annoyed. They never repeat exactly what they said anyway, so it becomes pointless. In the end you stop wanting to go out. I'm sure the same would be happening within her marriage, too.

I wish someone had spoken to me privately and explained how much of a problem it really was, instead of watching me struggle and then telling me afterwards that it was a pain trying to communicate with me.

I have expensive ones controlled by an app etc etc but they really aren’t a silver bullet I still find them uncomfortable after a couple of years I don’t think they need adjusting and I have several different settings but I still struggle in noisy environments. Also as a pp said in ear ones are not recommended for mild hearing loss as they shut out residual hearing. I persevere but I think all of you getting frustrated etc try walking in someone’s shoes before you get so critical

I suspect that many have undiagnosed hearing loss.

There is no automatic screening of older people for hearing and, as hearing declines gradually, it will often go unnoticed.

People with dementia become less responsive, their responses make less sense, they disengage from those around them... Very similar to the signs of hearing loss... I suspect that many of your clients have significant loss which hasn't been picked up.

I 100% agree with how annoying it is and every older person in my life HAS a hearing aid and won’t wear it. I get so frustrated with MiL, who will sit at the table clearly not following the conversation and someone will ask her something and she’ll look completely blank and then realise everyone is staring at her and she’s been asked something.
At least I know with certainty I’ll wear one if I need one!

i cant stand repeating myself it stems from childhood, i dont mind if said person did not hear me.
But having to constantly be repeating the same thing triggers me big time i can feel the rage build with in on the 3rd time of saying the same thing.

Tbh ive been the same way since being a child cant stand having to repeat the same thing or hearing someone repeat the same thing over and over.

I've worn hearing aids for years and couldn't care less about the aesthetics - I just want to be able to hear people!

In any event they are pretty unobtrusive.

Just tell her - sorry we can't go out places with you till you sort out some hearing aids.

I cannot believe people who have hearing aids and don't wear them - utterly bonkers.

One of my friends (late 40s) wears a hearing aid, she's been partially deaf in one ear since birth. You can barely see it, I forget she has it until she misses something I say and I have to repeat it while facing her (as her hearing still isn't perfect).

There really isn't an agreed protocol for fitting aids for a mild hearing loss because it can be very individual. Fitting a hearing aid with slim tubes and domes avoids much of the occlusion of the ear canal that traditional moulds cause.

However, for most people with a loss of 40dBA or above, hearing aids make hearing crisper and clearer as the wearer regains access to all of the unvoiced consonants that get lost as hearing declines.

I agree that they aren't a universal panacea and background noise can be a real issue. I usually advise use of a remote mic where possible.

My husband has Phonak hearing aids and we use a Roger On radio aid when we're in the pub or somewhere similar

My nan has recently had a hearing aid fitted and she had for weeks before telling me because she wanted to see if I had noticed it, genuinely didn’t have a clue it is see through and tiny!

Yes, I think so, people aren’t conversing easily with you, cinemas are tricky, announcements at airports unintelligible.
I wear hearing aids, be firm with your DP, in my view, she’s being silly.

I totally get it OP . My mum is 84 so a lot older . But refuses to wear her aids . Meaning that being with her is increasingly difficult and I feel sad we cannot chat any more . It’s so awful .

Does anyone else who has the small in ear dome ones with a wire to the actual small aid behind their ear experience a "blocked" feeling in their ear even after taking them out?

I've had mine for six months but take them out whenever I'm alone because this is getting more and more unpleasant. I can't get an ENT appointment until November and have already taken too much time off work getting the heating aids sorted - I work full time 8-5 in an in person role.

Show her these ads from Boots

This is a very common thing with old people: self-denial of their aging. I’ve seen it a number of times.

Hope I’m not like that when I get older.

It is bloody infuriating. My Dad was the same and in the end i told him i wasn't going to have a conversation with him until he bought a hearing aid. I would go and visit but point to my ear and shrug if he spoke to me, only took a few days before he made an appointment. Having a hearing aid made his life so much more enjoyable, he could hear music again and admitted he should have got one years before and that it was vanity that had stopped him ( even though he wore glasses)

When I first had to wear them, I kept my hair long enough to cover them.
I paid for small private ones, but NHS have now caught up & are much more discreet.
You can get hearing aids that fit inside the ear & are invisible.

My mum has had bilateral hearing aids as long as I can remember so probably since she was 35. When they break I can’t stand to be around her. You have my sympathy. My dad is 73 and he just got them too, I hadn’t noticed how little he could hear but he had and he is much more pleasant to be around now.

the need for hearing loss is a sign of hearing loss not necessarily age is I think my point. I can’t see either of my parents hearing aids. They are very discreet now. The only slight irritation is if they try and show you a funny video on their phone but the phone is connected to their Bluetooth hearing aids and you haven’t a clue what is going on (I mean this light heartedly ).

take care. Hopefully she will see sense.