To find it almost unbearable being around my mum in this situation?!

[Ahhhhhhhhhhg]

My Mum is early sixties. She’s very youthful looking and takes pride in her appearance. Her hearing is generally terrible and’ profoundly deaf ‘ in one ear. Hearing aid been advised. She won’t have one.

Today we went out with my toddler and it was just horrendous. She can’t hear anything and I’m constantly repeating myself and she’s speaking loudly herself. I’m so so frustrated she won’t simply get this sorted as she doesn’t like the aesthetics and she says it makes her feel old. My parents are wealthy and she could also get this sorted privately very fast. AIBU to feel this is unbearable?! I never thought something like this would irritate me but I’ve spent the majority of today feeling worn out

She hasn’t done enough research. One of my students has a hearing aid which is practically invisible and is Bluetooth so can be used as ear phones too. It connects to Spotify, bbc sounds etc.

If she won’t consider a hearing aid she might change her mind if she reads this as it’s linked to dementia
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/managing-the-risk-of-dementia/reduce-your-risk-of-dementia/hearing-loss

My dad refused for about 18 months to consider hearing aids, but was complaining to his golf buddies that we were on at him and it turns out most of them had hearing aids and he hadn't even realised because they were the tiny ones. Game over at that point, he was off to Specsavers. He's got an app, they are bluetoothed to his phone and car - possibly the telly too. We saw him last week and he let us in and said "hang on, don't say anything until I get my hearing aids, they are charging" which was unbelievable.

I agree that your DM should get her hearing tested and get hearing aids. But you do need to know that hearing aids can be problematic for some people, as a PP has said.

My DD1 (16) has worn hearing aids since she was 18 months old, and finds the background noise difficult to cope with and sometimes refuses to wear them. (She finds loud noises distressing anyway, because of being ND.)

I’ve worn mine since I was 50, my brother in his 30s . You can’t see mine and they sit in my ear . I have the app too so it’s as good as it’s going to get.

Hearing loss Inherited from my mum who refuses to wear her aids despite me and my brother running her to and from the audiology department 🙄

When she was in hospital recently , the consultant thought she was confused. It was lucky I was there to tell him she can’t hear him and won’t wear her hearing aids. I dread to think what might have happened if they wrongly thought she had dementia when really she’s as sharp ever.

Despite all that she refuses and I’ve tried. So she’s choosing to miss out on meaningful social interaction with family and her grandchildren (who are incredibly patient but still ) . I just don’t get it really . It makes me mad and sad at the same time.

When I had my hearing tested and was told that I should have heating aids, I came out of the shop with tears prickling my eyes. I thought I was a very sensible and rational person, but it turns out that nothing brings home that you're getting old, than being told that you need them.

But I knew that I wasn't hearing my lovely little grandchildren clearly, especially if they talked to me from the back of the car. So I put my big girl pants on, and ordered them.

I live alone, so I won't pretend that I wear them often. But if I'm going to be in a group or if I'm seeing my grandchildren, in they go. And they're really not noticeable.

I and my grandchildren call them my ear helpers, and they're just a fact of life that means I can hear their happy little chatter.

Research has proven the link that has been done comprehensively and on a large cohort.

I know of a hearing aid user who had to wear two and none of us noticed until he told us about them. Tell her she needs to sort it out as you are finding it hard work repeating yourself and listening to her speaking too loudly. You need to say it as it is. You won't do her any favours by allowing her to continue.

My friend has just got them and honestly you cannot see them. He has his linked to all sorts of things. Even the car sat nav lady whispers quietly into his ear now which I think he quite likes 😂

It must be exhausting for you OP and very excluding generally for your mum.

Every time she speaks to you stick your fingers in your ears and shout “What?”. When she asks, tell her you thought we were deliberately choosing not to hear each other.
Works with my Mum when she doesn’t put her hearing aids in.

Ohh I hear you OP, I had this with my dad and it was terribly frustrating, he completely denied he had a problem and refused to have a hearing test even though every conversation was just him saying “what???”, or just completely ignoring you when you’ve just spoke to him, the TV was deafening it was up so loud. I thought my mother was going to kill him and I wouldn’t have blamed her! It wasn’t until I told him that he wasn’t allowed to take my kids (4 and 2 years old who he absolutely adores and is so anxious about their safety) out on their bikes anymore because I was concerned that he wouldn’t hear cars etc that he finally got some hearing aids. Is there anything safety wise that you could use to convince her? Driving? Your children?

My dad hates his hearing aids because they amplify background noise and it is really uncomfortable for him. But it does make having conversations with him really difficult.

Has he had them checked by a professional as it may be that they need tweaking ? (I don’t know if he has an app but I am able to choose the volume level for each ear. I get a hissing noise in my left ear when I put the aid in so turn it down on that side which helps and also use when needed the Speech in Noise’ option which reduces background noise. I have tinnitus too so the volume control helps drown out that noise too.

Remind her that hearing loss can increase the risk of dementia.
I understand her fear. It would be life changing for her, my DM was the same before attending an appointment, the hearing aids are so discreet nowadays.
She was delighted to hear the birds singing again.

My mum has substantial hearing loss (something like 90%) so is dependent on hearing aids. They don’t fix the whole problem, she isn’t “back to normal” while wearing them. They definitely amplify background noise and make it difficult for her to follow a conversation in a crowded restaurant for example. Unfortunately, people tend to think that hearing aids fix the problem, and don’t consider that the users still require adaptations. It’s better, sure, but it’s not a magic fix

What are the other 16?

As I understand it it’s jog yet entirely clear (causality / direction etc) but some thinking is that the hard of hearing person’s inability to engage with the world means they become isolated and it promotes dementia through that lack of engagement

Do you realise how rude this is towards Deaf people? Seriously? Do you tell people in wheelchairs that their disability is inconvenient to you too?

I can't tell you how much I hope my son doesn't have to deal with attitudes like this as he grows up.

I think with things like this you need to give a handhold and go through the exploratory process together, make the appointment with her and go along together .

That's generally been my experience.

Either that or bang on about it to a parent for...10-15 years and eventually it sinks in.

My relative has mild dementia and the main thing they have lost is words, simply struggles to find the right words in any conversation. Lots of ‘you know’ and ‘what ya ma call it’. I definitely blame it on years of not joining in with conversation due to refusal to wear the very expensive hearing aids they had.

There seems to be a big difference between some NHS provided hearing aids and some private ones. The newer ones are easy to modify using an app depending on what you are doing, but older type aids just amplify all noises. My father was a reluctant hearing aid wearer as he only really needed them when in busy noisy environments.

You do need to wear them all the time for your brain to adjust to them. There are solutions to many of the previous posters’ problems - make sure your audiologist is aware of how they aren’t working for you and they may be able to improve it for you.

I had no idea how infuriating this could be until my dad started going deaf. He actually resisted hearing aids for so long that they can’t do anything now so we just… can’t speak to him. It’s heartbreaking as we live overseas and he can’t communicate with my kids. So please please push hard on this now before you miss the window.

I am a similar age to your mum and have worn two hearing aids for years as I have had problems with my ears all my life. People of all ages wear hearing aids in the same way that they wear glasses if they need them so l really don't understand why they are associated with ageing in the manner that they are. Your mother is obviously very appearance conscious and attractive and l would imagine that she would have no problem with replacing missing teeth if there were a need to do so. Having had NHS aids before, I now have a pair of eye-wateringly expensive hearing aids bought from a small hearing aid company. The difference is night and day. As a professional musician, I needed the best aids possible, especially with a good music programme on them, which these have. My only complaint is that I am unable to wear them at the moment because I have yet another ear infection, which affects both ears. As I have quite a large hearing loss across all frequencies, it is very frustrating for me and everyone else. And, yes, I am not afraid to describe myself as deaf because I am.

I expected to pay for private ones to get a good quality of sound, but the lady at Specsavers convinced me to try the NHS ones first. I'm so glad I took her advice. They're excellent. Nothing sounds obviously different, it doesn't even sound louder, but it's clear! I can differentiate between the sounds where obviously I was struggling before. Background noise isn't amplified, the are no weird sounds and whistles. Just nice clear speech, and I can hear the oven timer beep again.

It’s so annoying! My mum won’t wear hers (they’re brand new but she says they’re uncomfortable) so she has the TV on at top volume in the evening. It’s so loud it’s woken my children asleep upstairs when we visit. Most infuriating is when we’re say in a group and I happen to tell a not very special anecdote or little story and she says ‘ speak louder, what did you say?’ So then I have to repeat this little tale or anecdote to the group again at louder volume when it was only even meant to be a passing snippet or little comment to whatever we were talking about!