To find it almost unbearable being around my mum in this situation?!

[Ahhhhhhhhhhg]

My Mum is early sixties. She’s very youthful looking and takes pride in her appearance. Her hearing is generally terrible and’ profoundly deaf ‘ in one ear. Hearing aid been advised. She won’t have one.

Today we went out with my toddler and it was just horrendous. She can’t hear anything and I’m constantly repeating myself and she’s speaking loudly herself. I’m so so frustrated she won’t simply get this sorted as she doesn’t like the aesthetics and she says it makes her feel old. My parents are wealthy and she could also get this sorted privately very fast. AIBU to feel this is unbearable?! I never thought something like this would irritate me but I’ve spent the majority of today feeling worn out

Sounds like the type I wear (and have done for 8 years), but I don't have that problem.
I'm surprised you have not had a follow-up appointment. I usually have one about 2 weeks when I have a change of any sort.

if they've got dementia, how can you be sure?

They take a bit of getting used to. If you think about it, hearing loss makes everything go quite. Put a hearing aid in and suddenly everything is LOUD and also INYOURHEADALLTHETIME. It can be very distressing. Additionally you have to bear in mind that a hearing aid amplifies everything. While your brain can tune out sounds it doesn't want to hear, such as background noise and focusing on speech, a hearing aid doesn't really do this very well. It can be hard work, wearing one for the first time.

Early hearing loss runs in my family so I've been wearing a hearing aid for the past year or so. I'm in my 50s. No-one notices it unless I tell them as it's hidden by my hair. You'd have to have very short or tightly pulled back hair for anyone to see it.

Before my hearing loss reached the point where I qualified for a hearing aid, I hadn't heard birdsong for years (apart from crows and pigeons), and I was really struggling to hear what children said, because their voices are higher pitched and often softer than older people's. Doesn't she realise that she will be missing out on conversations with her grandchildren?

Hearing loss is a big factor in social isolation as well as dementia. It makes it harder to join in conversations, and it makes social situations so much more tiring when you are struggling to make out what people are saying.

Even with a hearing aid, some things are still difficult. This is partly because they don't distinguish one type of noise from another as well as your natural hearing. So I would avoid soft play areas or other similarly noisy environments (or turn it off when visiting those). Some other environments are acoustically challenging because they have too much background noise, or there are too many hard surfaces for noises to bounce off. When my hearing gets worse I will have to get one of those microphones for my companion to wear when we go somewhere noisy. I also realise how much I hate hearing other people (DH) eating so I often turn mine off at mealtimes.

I think it’s actually to do with the way the brain processes things. If you can’t hear properly, your brain is working so hard to try and compensate for it that it messes with your perceptions of other stuff and you’re more easily confused, more forgetful and more anxious.

My MIL was told this about five years ago and said ‘Ah, now I know why I get so anxious and confused these days about things I never used to worry about!’ and we said ‘So all that could be improved by correcting your hearing! That’s good news isn’t it, when are you getting hearing aids fitted?’ and she said ‘Well, I don’t think I want them yet, I’ll wait and see’ and despite the fact that a) she definitely needs them, b) she complains constantly about not being able to hear and c) she also complains about how nervous it makes her, she has still declined to get them sorted. It’s been FIVE YEARS since her diagnosis and it drives us nuts. Whenever we see her I end up with a sore throat from shouting loud enough for her to hear me.

I lost about 60% of the hearing in one ear when I was 6 after an illness. Protocol at the time was not to fit a hearing aid as it was thought the ‘good’ ear would compensate.

I was finally offered an aid more than 30 years later after a chance conversation with someone who had the same issue as me but HAD been given an aid as protocol in their area was different.

I hardly ever wear it as I find it makes things too loud. I honestly feel like I can get by without it, despite the fact I’m now at around 20% hearing in that ear. I had repeated surgeries so my ear canal is wide and I have no ear drum which means I had to have a mould rather than the little tubes. I find it uncomfortable to wear for any length of time. I’m a great lip reader and I don’t have any communication issues, as long as I can see to lip read. I’m no use in a dark club but I also don’t want to be in dark clubs so that’s no loss. 😂My mom is now struggling with hearing loss and her hearing aids are amazing- she loves theatre and the way she can connect to the sound desk is incredible. She was very resistant but chose to complain to me about it and I gave her short shrift. If it’s a problem with a solution, solve it.

Ridiculous. Im 63 and a bit of a fashion victim but I wear one. I'd go nuts without. My mother who is 85 refuses to wear hers and its exhausting having to write everything down for her.

Tell her it might make her feel old having a hearing aid, but everyone else will think she's old because she can't hear a thing and is yelling all the time! Modern hearing aids are tiny and no one will even notice. But yelling at people and simultaneously not hearing a thing are very very noticeable!

Almost unbearable? Because you have to speak up or repeat yourself? Maybe a bit more tolerance would be a good thing? If, as you say, your DM can afford state of the art aids fine, but the NHS ones I got made everything, my hair brushing my collar, the conversations of passers by loud and distracting. I thought something was wrong with my car but it was the sound of the indicator banging away. Personally, I'd rather be deaf. My choice.

I saw something saying it's to do with the brain having to spend so much time processing sound and second guessing things that it takes over from other functions.

Which seems a bit odd to me given that other 'extras' like learning new things/doing the knowledge/using the brain in general tend to be presented as good for staving off dementia. I would have thought it's to do with the way it can isolate you from people. But that's just my speculation!

It is so frustrating. I spend my whole day repeating myself to my parents too, they both need a hearing aid but say ‘that’s for old people’ they are 72 & 76 so they are old! It is draining, I love them dearly but sometimes I don’t stay long as I don’t always have the patience.

I had multiple appointments close together at the beginning, to get the adjustment right and try two different types, but no appointment now until I've got the detailed hearing test, which isn't until November. I could ask for a follow up with the technician, but they're all in working hours and for logistical reasons and my specific job this is very tricky (like a teacher taking time off repeatedly during the school day). I think I will have to get some kind of appointment before November incase it's an infection. It's an unpleasant feeling which has gradually become more noticeable over the last two months or so.

My Mum is 85, has been deaf for about 10 years. She fought tooth and nail for the best hearing aids the NHS could offer, but never wears them as she says they’re uncomfortable. I get a sore throat from shouting at her, but if I don’t shout then she can’t hear me at all. And as others have said, she complains that people speak quietly, refusing to acknowledge that it’s her deafness that’s the problem. It makes me sad because I don’t suppose she’ll live much more than a few more years, if that, and our conversations are severely limited by her deafness.

And the worst thing is, I’ve started shouting at other people too! It’s such a habit now, I find myself yelling at everyone!!

I am 66 and had to get hearing aids this year. My DD would pop round and complain about the loudness of the tv. I must admit I don't wear them as often as I should, but did actually put them in this afternoon when watching House of Guinness as I was really struggling! My friend is 71 and has had hers for the last two or three years. We both have NHS ones and they are very small. I don't notice hers at all.

That's what I did this year. I couldn't afford their hearing aids, so I booked an appointment with my GP and he referred me to the hearing department at my local hospital. I have had my hearing aids for a few months now.

I also know a number of people who are deaf and who see it as part of their identity and who won't use hearing aids on principle. Personally I respect that and I think it's up to them how they process that. It's your mums call op. Is it frustrating, sure, but it's still her call.

The only way to do it is to bung them in and leave them in!
Of course things sound different and take a bit of getting used to. Cutlery clatters, paper rustles etc. But you can't get used to them unless they are in your ears!
No point in wasting money on private. Mine are NHS and connect to an app kn my phone. They are the same size as private ones.

My incredibly deaf, vain and stubborn DM only got hearing aids after a stay in hospital. I think the Nurses were not as pussy footed about it as we all had been! Maybe a non family member could be more blunt with her?

That would drive me up the wall. I actually refuse to repeat myself to people I know who won't sort out their reduced hearing issues, if they can be. Why should you have to constantly repeat yourself? It's so draining.

DM had a Specsavers hearing test and was told that she'd benefit from an aid, but her hearing is fine and I never have to repeat myself to her.

I could have written this. I know I avoid socialising because I find it so hard to hear. Fortunately I am only deaf in one ear.
my audiologist said hearing aids don’t fix the problem like wearing glasses does. I wish everyone understood this.

I don't understand why it always seems to be OK to have a go at deaf people, like we're stupid, selfish and lazy.
I will struggle with conversation as much when I'm wearing my hearing aid as I will without.
I don't give a shit what they look like, but I don't wear mine much because it really isn't the answer for me.
When people get annoyed with me it just makes me see them in a different light.
I'm sick of the judgement I get as a hearing impaired person.

What hearing aids do you have? If you don't mind me asking. They sound great! My Mum has tried a few and just can't get on with them, but would love to follow conversations again.

My mum was very similar. Last holiday we went on she realised ( after years of persuasion) that she was missing out because she was missing key parts of conversations. Now she has 2 discreet aids ( private) She thought it was hilarious to not tell us about having them fitted. I was amazed when she told us as they are absolutely invisible and nobody noticed!
I could never understand the shame of needing one. To me it’s just the same as needing glasses!

I fully understand how you feel OP. My sister and I tried over and over to persuade our dad to get hearing aids for years. Wouldn't do it despite him missing out on conversation. We told him about the dementia link to no avail. My sister got appointments for both him and mum. Showing they both needed aids. But he still wouldn't get them. I don't know wot was said to my sister but she refused to have anything more to do with it. Then about 6 months ago he got them! Mind u he sometimes only wears 1 and keeps them too low to be of much use. Mum won't get them and was upset wen on holiday I repeated a sentence slowly. Gah! Can't win. So frustrating

I completely understand where you're coming from. My mother has hearing aids but won't wear them because she already has a stick and doesn't want to look decrepit!
Its impossible to have a conversation because she can't hear, and she excludes herself.