To be fuming DH forgot school shoes AGAIN?

[solitudehiker]

Right so I sent DH into Clarks yesterday because DS2’s school shoes are literally falling apart sole coming off flapping around and I said PLEASE just get him black school shoes any black school shoes that fit his feet I don’t care what brand

He comes back smug as anything with… black TRAINERS 😑 like proper sporty ones not even pretending to be school shoes says “it’s all they had in his size” and now of course DS2 thinks they’re amazing and is buzzing to wear them

Except school are super strict and will 100% say no trainers allowed then I’ll be the one trying to explain it Monday morning and DS2 will have a meltdown because he wanted to wear them and I’ll look like the crap mum who can’t get it right

DH is now saying I’m being dramatic and “they’re basically the same thing” 🙄 and if school say anything he’ll “have a word” but he won’t be the one stood in the playground while the teacher side-eyes me

AIBU to be absolutely fuming and tempted to just go buy the right ones today even though money is tight and I’ll have to drag all 5 DC with me because DH has now “gone to watch the match with his mates” 😩

God the bar is low.

Also lol at the Clarks comment he literally said he didn’t bother waiting for the ticket thing because the queue was too long and he just asked someone to check a random pair in DS2s size which explains why we ended up with trainers @solitudehiker

He's impatient and lazy and he knows he can afford to be because you'll sort it out and there's absolutely no consequences for him.

Who cares who's playing football, he messed up and should be fixing it.

I'd really be tempted to send DC in the trainers and et DH deal with the consequences. Yeah I get that you will be dealing with the meltdown but how else is dh ever going to learn to be a responsible and useful adult/parent if he's not given the opportunity to have to deal with the consequences of his laziness?

He won.
Sorry but he has decided he knows better than you even though you’re the one who does all the school runs etc…
And when he ‘fails’, you’re still saving him.

You should have told him
’Ok. That’s fine. But YOU are the one taking dc to school in Monday am. The one to deal with the school saying NO. Dc being disappointed etc….’

Yes I’m sure hed go ‘oh but I can’t possible do that because xyz/work’.
Except he can. He can spare 2 hours. Even if it’s taking half a day off work if need be.
Whats not ok is for him to do a half arsed job, make your life harder all that becayse 1- he doesn’t believe you and 2- he can’t be bothered.

Oh and next time, you go and find the shoes and he is dealing with the 4 dcs on his own instead. Take your time and make it a nice occasion at the same time,

This. It’s absolutely pathetic.

But that's not what happened.

He went to get the shoes yesterday and has gone off on his jollies today.

5 kids!! That’s a lot to handle with a DH who can’t even buy school shoes.

It’s really hard when you’re sleep deprived and in the trenches to see the wood for the trees op and I get that, I really do. But this is not ok. On any level. That’s shitty parenting, and a really shitty way to treat your wife.

You’re enabling this but it’s not your job to train up an adult male to behave like a decent human being. He should be stepping up to the plate not acting like an unmarried lad who can’t possibly miss his football. Ffs that’s something you’d expect to be saying about a 4 year old.

I doubt you’re in a headspace to kick him to the kerb yet, so in the short term is there any reason you can’t take the ebf baby out with you on a Sunday morning and leave him to sort out the other four for the day?

Instead of going back to work as a TA, think about how you could upskill to increase your earning power - he could do without beer for a while if money is any issue.

It sounds like you're mostly resposible for the children with him in a kind of Disney Daddish "special guest star" role, dropping in for the occasional shoe purchase or telling off the school if they don't like his pick of shoes? I'm not talking about you doing more of the hands-on work of childcare as that certainly may be what works in your family, but the fact that he seems completely out of touch and yet is confident that he knows better than you. Don't take on extra time, energy, and worry shooting out his mistake. If it IS a mistake, he's responsible for resolving it.

Send him to search through the school materials, online or anything you have in print, and to get a definitive answer on whether these trainers are OK. If he discovers that black trainers are definitively and clearly OK, then everybody's happy. If he can't do that before DS has to go to school in them, then he takes DS and explains the situation and "has a word" if necessary. If he discovers that trainers are not allowed, he has to figure out what to do - either take DS and return the trainers and go elsewhere for school shoes if that shop still doesn't have them, or find a way to let DS keep the trainers AND take him out to buy school shoes (he figures out how to stretch the budget for this) or let him take DS to school and fight it out if he thinks that's best. But above all stop acting like you're delegating dribs and drabs of parenting to your child's other parent; you're both equally responsible.

"Also lol at the Clarks comment he literally said he didn’t bother waiting for the ticket thing because the queue was too long and he just asked someone to check a random pair in DS2s size which explains why we ended up with trainers"

I am beginning to wonder if this post is a wind-up because I cannot understand why a father wouldn't want to get his child to be measured properly for shoes because he "couldn't be bothered".

Our middle son destroyed school shoes. A friend said buy Doc martens. With nothing to lose I did. They lasted the school year. I don't know if they still make them

"Boys School Boots & Shoes | Back to School | Dr. Martens" https://www.drmartens.com/uk/en_gb/kids/back-to-school/boys/c/03289500

They do. Good reviews

This is exactly what I was thinking, he has 5 kids and isn't even capable of buying them school shoes 😐

No, don't let him get away with that. He has two choices. 1. Change them tonorrow himself. 2. Do school drop off, yes it will be inconvenient to change his work plans, but if you are too lazy to do something properly then that's what happens. Tough luck!

He has 5 and she appears to have 6!

This is all so annoying OP and your husband is a dick.

however on a practical note, my son is super heavy with his shoes too. We have had these geox shoes for the last 3 years running. They withstand everything and are well worth the money. I don’t rate Clark’s at all. These last the school year every time

https://www.schuh.co.uk/kids/boys-junior-geox-savage-black-trainers/5673047020/?utmsource=google&utmmedium=surfaces-across-google&utmcampaign=organic-shopping&gclsrc=aw.ds&gadsource=1&gadcampaignid=22903631188&gbraid=0AAAAAD4NavdTx0r5CjL3aTeciBk6nFT33&gclid=CjwKCAjwlt7GBhAvEiwAKal0cqCmQRAmMKPeQE69Ml-uGiqZUDagvQt1DTY-W4E77CwN4DruGbiCoxoCQS0QAvDBwE

I'm going to enjoy it even more when Wolves get beaten later 🙌

I agree, it's even more annoying how accepting op is of being treated like rubbish. Stop defending him op, he doesnt deserve it. Make him sort this, no pub with dad for him tomorrow, he's got more important things to do - he has to go shopping again. He needs to grow up. Just going to your own job 6-5 is really not that impressive, it doesn't get him out of his responsibilities at home.

This. Primary school uniform rules have the be one of the stupidest things going and yet parents just nod along with them.

Not the point of the post, but Adidas Tensaur are brilliant for primary school. I don’t think you’d get away with them in secondary school but they last all year with my football hooligan. And they’re half the price of Clarks!

Agree.

If more dads were left to take care of the million and one piddling details of school life, I think it would be a safe bet that there would be no stupid uniforms, and no more world book days, bake sales, costume days, pajama days, etc.

Schools rely far too much on the good will of women.

There's a lot of research that does suggest uniform is a good thing. I don't personally care eeither way, but this school has rules, the dad knew them and just couldn't be bothered to make sure his child had what was needed. He did this knowing it would cause extra work for his wife while he swanned of to football. I really don't think the need for uniform itself is the main issue here.