To be fuming DH forgot school shoes AGAIN?

[solitudehiker]

Right so I sent DH into Clarks yesterday because DS2’s school shoes are literally falling apart sole coming off flapping around and I said PLEASE just get him black school shoes any black school shoes that fit his feet I don’t care what brand

He comes back smug as anything with… black TRAINERS 😑 like proper sporty ones not even pretending to be school shoes says “it’s all they had in his size” and now of course DS2 thinks they’re amazing and is buzzing to wear them

Except school are super strict and will 100% say no trainers allowed then I’ll be the one trying to explain it Monday morning and DS2 will have a meltdown because he wanted to wear them and I’ll look like the crap mum who can’t get it right

DH is now saying I’m being dramatic and “they’re basically the same thing” 🙄 and if school say anything he’ll “have a word” but he won’t be the one stood in the playground while the teacher side-eyes me

AIBU to be absolutely fuming and tempted to just go buy the right ones today even though money is tight and I’ll have to drag all 5 DC with me because DH has now “gone to watch the match with his mates” 😩

Ok ok message received 😂 I do get it’s not funny really and I probably do make it too easy for him tbh

I’m not defending him going straight to the pub tomorrow either that has wound me up I just know if I wait for him to sort it DS2 will end up wearing the wrong shoes Monday and then I’ll get the call from school 🙄

I like the idea of just leaving him with the other 4 next Sunday and going out by myself for a few hours and letting him deal with teatime/bedtime chaos maybe then he’ll realise why I don’t think football should take up the whole weekend

And for those asking no I don’t have anxiety (least I don’t think I do 😂) I just hate the thought of DS2 being told off at school when it’s not his fault he doesn’t have the right shoes

Promise next time I’ll just hand DH the shoes and say “your problem” and go get a coffee while he queues up at Clarks 😅

The laughing emojis are really strange.

Really?

It doesn't matter whether OP works or not. She could be on maternity leave for all we know.
She clearly has her hands full.
But OP is supposed to feel guilty for asking for help?
He's not too exhausted to spend all day up in town to see an 8.00 pm sports event is he?

Did you miss the part where OP said she has a six month old baby that needs attention on the hour at the moment?

The boy has two parents... why shouldn't one of them take him shoe shopping at the weekend, whilst the other parent looks after the other four as its much easier than dragging all of them into the shops.

But the OP has already said that.

I think OP is feeling fed up enough already.

I genuinely couldn’t stay married to someone that thick.

I totally understand that you don't want your kids to suffer because of his incompetency. That's what he relies on, it's what every man like him relies on.

@solitudehiker

Your DH is a prick. Get HIM to exchange them tomorrow & explain to your DS why.

This is just closing the stable door after the horse has bolted.

The children exist. Its pointless and kind of offensive to say she shouldn't have had them. and therefore should shut up and put up with any old shit from her partner.

Yeah that’s a good point actually if I’m gonna end up doing it anyway I might as well just go on my own and make it less stressful 😂 town with 5 DC is not the one

And fair enough on the laughing emojis I think it’s just my default when I’m knackered and trying not to cry over school shoes 😅

I don’t think he’s thick he just literally doesn’t think about this stuff the way I do he was probably already mentally on the train to London while he was in Clarks 🙄

Why not?

After 4 years with my first husband I realised he was a lazy eejit who couldn't take responsibility for a goldfish, never mind a child.

So I never had any kids with him.

OP needs to make some rules about Distribution of Labour and stick to them. But by her own admittance they just "muddle through".
No sympathy.

"he does do loads with the kids when he’s here like bath and bedtime and takes them football and swimming but yeah I do end up being the one who sorts the boring life admin stuff"

He sounds like a fun older brother, not a father. My big brother (10y older than the younger kids) used to do this stuff. Then he used to go out with his mates all weekend to watch football. But he was 18 and when he became a father he actually parented his children because he's not useless.

If he wears them all day Monday they can’t be exchanged, it would be an additional pair. That costs. Plus it’s not fair to the DS to put him in the middle with the school and his dad.

What an awful father! He doesn't know how to get the right school shoes for his child, despite having 5? And he makes no attempt to rectify his mistake either?

It's called 'denial'. It's probably laugh or cry tbh.

He does know, presumably he has eyes and a brain and knows the difference between shoes and trainers. He just couldn't be bothered so did the fastest thing to get rid of the chore, and left his wife to sort it out while looking after 5 kids so he could spend two full days watching football like a single man. Sounds like a diamond.

Yeah you’re right I probs make it too easy for him sometimes cos I can’t stand the thought of the kids getting told off or being upset at school 😩 I just want it sorted

He honestly isn’t awful he does do loads with them when he’s here like bath/bedtime, takes them footy, swimming lessons etc but yeah I do end up doing all the boring life admin stuff 🙃 I think he just genuinely didn’t realise trainers wouldn’t be ok

I might leave it for him to deal with next time though cos I am knackered of always being the one that fixes everything

I love your laugh emojis. ♥️

It would matter to me actually. If my husband didn't work and I was out of the house from 6am-5pm with a planned event at the weekend and he dropped it on me that I needed to schlep to town to get school shoes before I go out I would not be thrilled to say the least.
IF OP isn't working, even with minimal age gaps a good few of the children (she presumably) chose to have will be in school meaning she has time during the day to get new shoes (in the size she bought previously as they have fallen apart rather than been outgrown). The husband, due to the fact he is working does not have this time.
Everything doesn't have to be a battle to prove all men are out to shaft their wives.
As it stands OP hasn't mentioned whether or not she works, for all I know she could be doing a 40 hour week - but her answer to this question does affect my opinion on the situation 🤷‍♀️

Ok he didnt realise- but what has he done since to rectify the mistake? Why hasn't he offered to take the child to Clark's and get the shoes exchanged? He has basically said, this is all I can do and is off enjoying with friends. That is just mad.

...he does do loads with the kids when he’s here like bath and bedtime and takes them football and swimming but yeah I do end up being the one who sorts the boring life admin stuff....

He does the fun stuff while you parent. Sorry OP, don't want to pile on but seriously.....this is ridiculous. I'm trying to be sympathetic but it's hard. You are enabling piss poor behaviour.

To be fair, depending on what size your DS is, Clark’s isn’t actually great on school shoes for smaller children and do mostly offer trainers.

It doesn't sound like he does much actual parenting OP. He's being so unfair to you and the children.

He can come back in the morning and sort it out. There will be a shoe shop open. I suppose you’re laughing because you think it’s funny, it really isn’t , you must find him hilarious to have had 5 kids.

Take the flapping shes back with you. If hes the same size they will change for free regardless of how long hes had them. I had to take my sons back and thought id have to pay as was out of time frame.

Although, After changing 3 times I gave up and went somewhere else. As clearly a defect. But at least I didn't pay for a new pair.

You are right to be annoyed but this is what Amazon prime is for. You'd have them tomorrow without leaving the house (you can order two sizes and put one back if unsure).

I wouldn't pay Clarks prices to go through shoes at this speed. It's just not worth it. They were the least hard wearing mine had. My daughter is into the second year of a pair of startrite and they still look like new. She does have a pair of geox (which stood up well to my son) but their sizes were a bit big so she's sticking with last year's a little longer.

Edited to say adding my husband to the Amazon account was the best thing I did. He won't go shopping but I'll now find him saying 'I've ordered DD new socks as hers are worn out'.