To be fuming DH forgot school shoes AGAIN?

[solitudehiker]

Right so I sent DH into Clarks yesterday because DS2’s school shoes are literally falling apart sole coming off flapping around and I said PLEASE just get him black school shoes any black school shoes that fit his feet I don’t care what brand

He comes back smug as anything with… black TRAINERS 😑 like proper sporty ones not even pretending to be school shoes says “it’s all they had in his size” and now of course DS2 thinks they’re amazing and is buzzing to wear them

Except school are super strict and will 100% say no trainers allowed then I’ll be the one trying to explain it Monday morning and DS2 will have a meltdown because he wanted to wear them and I’ll look like the crap mum who can’t get it right

DH is now saying I’m being dramatic and “they’re basically the same thing” 🙄 and if school say anything he’ll “have a word” but he won’t be the one stood in the playground while the teacher side-eyes me

AIBU to be absolutely fuming and tempted to just go buy the right ones today even though money is tight and I’ll have to drag all 5 DC with me because DH has now “gone to watch the match with his mates” 😩

👆Absolutely this. Send and and give the school dad's phone number. Oh and dad has to buy proper shoes out of his fun money. What a twit.

You answered your own question in the first part of your post. Stop fixing his "mistakes" and make him bear the consequences.

No sympathy orherwise

I was ready to have sympathy for you OP.

That was until I read that you allow yourself to be in this position. Weaponised incompetence on his side and deeply ingrained misogyny on yours.

I think you need to respect yourself more. It’s not funny. It’s sad.

He knows you will do it. He gets a brief nagging and life goes on. You get the headache/fall out

I am wondering OP why on earth you chose to have 5 children with this man-child ?

Surely you know after the first one that he wasn't going to pull his weight?

Have you got anxiety? Let him wear them let the school deal with it let DH deal with it and then he can go get correct shoes on Monday after school. Life’s too short. You can’t worry about everything when he’s a parent too

Ffs! He has 5 DC and watches football all weekend including a piss up in London. I thought he was just a lazy fecker but he's an absolute piss taker too. Why do you put up with this? The shoe situation is the least of your problems

I do have sympathy and understand its not DC fault so why should he get upset on monday as he may get into trouble at school etc. so as a caring Mum you want to sort it for your DC .
And as DH is away now - it is going to be 'do it yourself' or have the carange on monday and sometimes the path of least resistance is the best.
and i honestly think that going off to an away day football match which is obviously a big deal for your DH is ok, I thought it sounded like a special thing etc...BUT I lost sympathy when I saw that tomorrow he is buggering off to pub to watch more football .
WTAF...just no, he has had an overnight / whole day out for himself.
I'd be saying ' you will need to take DS back to Clarkes tomorrow before you go to the pub as you bought him the wrong shoes'.
Why are so many women such martyrs/wet about these things.
Or better still as soon as he arrives home tomorrow, do NOT discuss just grab the car keys and trainers and go straight out saying ' I am just popping to clarkes as DC cannot wear trainers to school whatever you think, wont be long'.
and literally go..run...and stay out as long as you can.
If when you get back he kicks off about missing football start , I would calmer point out that if he had bought the right shoes in the first place he would not have been missing football.

He can’t do it tomorrow he won’t be back til late morning from London and then has already said he’s watching the early kick off at the pub with his dad so basically tomorrow is a write off too 🙄

So he takes DS with him and sorts the shoes out instead of going to the pub with his Dad - consequence of weaponised incompetence needs to be sufficiently severe that he won't try it on again.

For the future - if he goes to London for a match on Saturday you get time to yourself on Sunday - he doesn't get to swan off to watch another match the next day.

Nothing’s going to change until you change your response.

DH couldn’t be arsed to wait 5 minutes to get his own child measured for proper shoes, yet he’s managed to find 36 hours for football. You’re dragging 5 children around today because he’s fucking off out tomorrow as well.

I’d be leaving him with the other 4 children tomorrow and taking DS to the shoe shop. It’s not a laughing matter, it’s sheer contempt on his part .

With every post he sounds worse and worse. You have 5 kids and he's still living the life of a single man - fucking off to the footie, going to the pub - while you run yourself ragged.

he knows you'll always sort everything out so he doesn't need to bother. I bet yes not this fucking incompetent at work

Ok ouch some of these are a bit harsh 😅 I promise he’s not a total man child he does do loads with the kids when he’s here like bath and bedtime and takes them football and swimming but yeah I do end up being the one who sorts the boring life admin stuff

I think we’ve just fallen into this pattern where it’s easier for me to deal with it but I know I am enabling him by just sorting everything so will def make him return the trainers next weekend so he actually has to queue up at Clarks himself 😂

And yes def going to look at start rite or even supermarket shoes next time Clarks seem to fall apart so quickly now and cost a fortune

For the record we didn’t exactly plan to have 5 DC but we love them and we muddle through most of the time it’s just weeks like this where everything feels like a battle 😩

Your DH spends the whole weekend watching football whilst you do battle with 5 children?
Mate, how is this fair?

I had this at the beginning of term. Took daughter shopping for tracksuit bottoms for PE. I wouldnt buy her cargos for PE so she kicked off. I told her dad to sort it out. I expressly said that she can't wear trousers. They came home with chinos. Literally trousers and thought they would be OK. Apparemtly I should have been grateful they didnt get jeans! 🤨They wouldnt listen so in she went. Needless to say, I got the phone call telling me that trousers arent gym wear and was I stupid thinking they were suitable. I then got the grief from her that she'd been told off. Plus, I then had to drag her about again for tracksuit bottoms.

The leader, protector and provider of the world strikes again

None of this is funny or acceptable, not sure why you are with someone who respects you so little.

My thoughts, too. How is it okay for you to be left with all five kids, including a small baby, while he goes off on a jolly all weekend? I get that he works hard all week but that's life. He's still supposed to be a husband and father at the weekend, too. It's not a part time role.

This is not funny. It's easier for you to do it because he's made it that way and the shoes are a perfect example. These men would not pull this shit at work.

@solitudehiker "For the record we didn’t exactly plan to have 5 DC"

Ridiculous.

Totally ridiculous.

You talk as if you had no control over it. Did you think that the stork brought them?
A vasectomy after No 3 for Mr Footy might have been a sensible idea, but then he doesn't seem that sensible does he?

And you "muddle through" ?

Gee whizz, what an attitude.

None of the comments are harsh. Why did you post if all you want to do is keep defending him? This is not alright by any standards. After a whole day away, he'll yet again leave you to watch the kick off with his dad? By all means carry on with your "6" children.

Despite all the laughing emojis, this thread saddens me.

Man fucks up the buying of one pair of black shoes, then buggers off for a weekend of football leaving his wife to sort out his mess with five small children in tow.

I thought we'd come further than this.

Honestly, I'd be telling my husband he's either swapping the shoes on Sunday (and changing his arrangements to make that work) or child wears old shoes on Monday (or child can choose to wear the trainers and face the consequences, but school would be instructed to call DH about the shoes). He's then swapping the shoes or buying new ones the following weekend.

He wouldn't rely on his boss to sort out his fuck ups so why his wife?

Every football weekend would be matched by time for me to do stuff. Join a club, go to the gym, even a drive and a coffee somewhere.

I can only echo the others: what he did was not ok. Going out for the whole weekend is not ok when you have so many young children.

They are both responsible for having 5 children but unfortunately only 1 of them is taking any responsibility for the lives they have created.

OP needs to set some strict rules but I doubt that would achieve much as there is a lacksadaisical attitude coming through very strongly.

I would add that if you decide that buying the school shoes/uniform yourself is the best way to go, then start leaving the kids with him on a Saturday and heading into town on your own to do it.

It's totally fine to play to your strengths in a marriage but not okay for one to mess it up and the other to fix it while dragging all the kids with them too.