To be fuming DH forgot school shoes AGAIN?

[solitudehiker]

Right so I sent DH into Clarks yesterday because DS2’s school shoes are literally falling apart sole coming off flapping around and I said PLEASE just get him black school shoes any black school shoes that fit his feet I don’t care what brand

He comes back smug as anything with… black TRAINERS 😑 like proper sporty ones not even pretending to be school shoes says “it’s all they had in his size” and now of course DS2 thinks they’re amazing and is buzzing to wear them

Except school are super strict and will 100% say no trainers allowed then I’ll be the one trying to explain it Monday morning and DS2 will have a meltdown because he wanted to wear them and I’ll look like the crap mum who can’t get it right

DH is now saying I’m being dramatic and “they’re basically the same thing” 🙄 and if school say anything he’ll “have a word” but he won’t be the one stood in the playground while the teacher side-eyes me

AIBU to be absolutely fuming and tempted to just go buy the right ones today even though money is tight and I’ll have to drag all 5 DC with me because DH has now “gone to watch the match with his mates” 😩

Ok full dripfeed incoming sorry 😂 he’s actually gone down to London for the football it’s Spurs vs Wolves tonight doesn’t even kick off til 8pm but he left this morning to “make a day of it” with his mates and is staying over so yep it’s me solo with all 5 DC including a 6 month old who still wakes hourly 😩

I know I probably am being a bit of a wifey martyr sorting it but honestly the thought of wrestling DS2 DS3 DD1 and DD2 round Clarks on Monday morning before school drop off gives me hives so I’d rather just get it done today even if it’s me doing it

He is infuriating though like I swear he thinks school will just bend the rules because he says so 🙄

I really wish you would stop using the laughing emoji. It really isn’t funny. It is entrenched misogyny. Lovely example this prince is setting for his children, and it is either they suffer by standing out and not having the right uniform or you by the inconvenience of taking them back. Add in his confidence that all he has to do is “have a word” with the school, completely disregarding their policies.

It is not ok that he is like this.

Why are people always trying to defend grown ass men for not knowing basic information. It's not exactly a new or unique concept that kids can't wear trainers to school - it was a pretty universal rule when I was at school and this was over 30 years ago 🙄

At the very least he should be going back to get the shoes he was supposed to be getting in the first place ( but couldn't be arsed to actually do).

This.

Do you work OP? Just asking as if I was your DH and had been leaving for work at 6am all week I wouldn't be thrilled to go shoe shopping on a Saturday morning.
Also, its the third week back at school where I am, how does DS need new shoes already!

Tbh order something short term same day delivery from Amazon. He pays. Up to him to take the trainers back to get his money back. Then if the shoes aren’t much good, he bloody well goes back to buy some next week, and until he achieves the monumentally complex task of buying appropriate shoes without making such a pigs ear of it.

Ok fair point I prob do overuse the 😂 but if I didn’t laugh I’d cry at this point honestly

I do get that DH works hard he’s out 6 til gone 5 most days and I don’t expect him to be skipping round Clarks on his day off but it’s just the attitude that it’s fine to send DS2 in trainers and let me deal with the fallout that does my head in

And yep I’m at home atm on mat leave so it does fall to me but I was working as a TA before DD2 was born and will prob go back once she’s in nursery so it’s not like I do nothing

Shoes are knackered already because DS2 literally destroys them he’s forever playing football at break and they’re covered in holes

I will go today but DH will 100% be told when he gets home that next time he’s sorting it not me 🙄

Honestly I’d tell DH that it’s his problem if the school aren’t happy. Let him deal with the consequences.

Some of story doesn’t make sense though. At Clarks the kids feet get measured and they ask what you want. So can’t just “grab first pair”. Also Clarks only sell their own brand shoes so odd to send to Clarks and say “get any brand”.

Do you ever get to have a whole day (or even half a day) out while he looks after all 5 children?

School shoes are a menace to feet. I’d be backing the black trainers all the way. Your DH did the smart thing.

Poor love. As we all know being responsible for 5 children throughout the day (1 who is still a baby) is basically a doss. Imagine expecting their actual father to perform a basic task for one of them 😱

At least he has his day out with the lads today to recover from the trauma

I always just buy my dc's shoes online. We have a home measuring gadget but tbh these days I just guess and usually get it right. I cba with faffing around in a Clark's store with multiple dc in tow.

If your dh is a Dingle that explains a lot to me ( Baggies supporter) and Spurs are as bad. 😄

Is your Clarks open on a Sunday? I'd be tempted to leave him at home with 4 kids and take DS2 alone and not rush back.

It doesn't matter whether other posters or your DH think trainers would be a better bet for your DS. It's your DS and you who have to deal with school intransigence over petty regulations. Easy to say you wouldn't put up with that kind of bullshit when you're not the one dealing with the consequences.

This is what mental load looks like. I would like to take a massive step back and let him sort it out and deal with the school.

Having said that irl I would probably do what @Easilyforgotten suggested. Make it into a day trip out with your DS and leave him home alone with the others ALL day.

Honestly, he sounds like a shitty dad and a shitty partner.

Why is he not cancelling his jolly to fix his mistake?

His behaviour is shocking, he's treating you like a skivvy and not caring about the experience his dc has in school. You clearly know he's done a bad job on purpose.

I don’t think he did it on purpose tbh he just genuinely thought trainers would be fine 🙄 he’s a Wolves fan so the idea of missing a London away day was never happening 🤦‍♀️

Nope I honestly can’t remember the last time I had a full day to myself maybe before DD2 was born I got a hair cut and coffee but that was like a military operation to arrange childcare 😂 and now she’s EBF so I feel like I can’t be far away for too long anyway because she just feeds constantly

I think I will just go today get it done so DS2 is sorted but I am liking the idea of leaving DH with all 5 next weekend and going out by myself for a few hours maybe that will make him realise how knackering it actually is

Also agree school shoe situation is a nightmare they don’t last five minutes and cost a fortune 😩 might look at getting a home measuring thing and just order online next time save the drama

Why can’t DH fix this tomorrow? Sunday

The problem here is you are now talking about going and exchanging them yourself.

Nope - HE needs to return straight to the shop and return the shoes and buy an appropriate pair.

He's a grown adult of course he knows how to do this he just resented being asked to do it so resolved to do a poor job to avoid being asked to do it again.

You now need to flip that back and demonstrate to him that the consequence of him doing it badly is not that he gets away with it - its that he will now spend twice as much of his precious time to sort it out. He'll know better next time and do it properly right from the start.

I hope all his dinners next weeks are a cheese sandwich. Because "it's basically the same thing" as a hot meal.

I find start rite shoes harder wearing than Clark’s shoes if you haven’t brought Clark’s again yet.
You can print off the paper gauge to measure their feet and their outlet section online usually have some black shoes.
I used to always buy Clark’s but then they started falling apart within 4 weeks…
The last time the soles came apart from the upper shoe I took them back in and they said it was normal ‘wear and tear’ but they were only 5 weeks old. That’s when I said I wouldn’t buy them again, start rite ones have always been outgrown instead of having to be replaced because of damage.

Yeah, make him take his son to school on Monday. Your DH will learn.

Men acquire learned helplessness and they need to learn the consequences of that.

Just for some perspective, as you say he’s out 0600-1700 so couldn’t possibly get some shoes on his day off, my husband works 12 hour day and night shifts so is out 0700-2100 if he’s off on time. And then he has our 3 children (age 2, 4 and 7) on his days off so I can work and is responsible for buying and preparing their lunchboxes, getting them dressed and to and from school, sorting dinner and doing bedtimes and most definitely he would at a shop on his ‘day off’ if one needed school shoes or clothing.
Hes only useless if you let him get away with it because you sort it yourself

Haha love the cheese sandwich idea might do that 😂

He can’t do it tomorrow he won’t be back til late morning from London and then has already said he’s watching the early kick off at the pub with his dad so basically tomorrow is a write off too 🙄

I get what you’re saying about making him sort it though maybe I will leave the actual return til next weekend when he can take DS2 himself so he gets the joy of Clarks on a Saturday and sees why I moan about it so much

For now I’ll prob just get DS2 some cheap emergency shoes from Asda or something this afternoon so he’s not going in flappy trainers Monday then DH can deal with the proper pair next week