Teacher asked who chose the pink bottle....

[Caszekey]

Ok, so it's more aibu to allow / encourage this behaviour.
Fairly identifiable so here goes.
5 year olds twin boys, both have long hair like their Dad which I put up for school. Ones favourite colour is pink. Both adore Frozen so wanted the dress up dresses (Kristoff is a minor character). Last WBD they dressed as Goldilocks and Red Riding Hood (bear, wolves are minor characters). School have jokingly passed comment previously about pink bobbles etc but today I was asked, incidentally, if I chose the pink bottles or them, do I pick costumes etc.
I don't know if she's curious or implying I'm doing something wrong but it's got me second guessing

The choices are child led and I reckon they'll age out of them but I don't want to pull the "boys don't do that" line when girls have so much fun.

So aibu to allow them to pick so freely ? We've not yet encountered a request for a dress for general living, just they like to be Princesses!

Yep. Our school was good at challenging stereotypes and boys would often choose princess dresses etc from the dressing up box. In Scotland the curriculum actively challenges stereotyping, too.

Why wouldn't I give them a choice on what ot wear for a dress up day or what bobble or wear or what water bottle to take? Those are things they safely CAN choose.

My ds is convinced that zuma is a girl ... because his name ends with 'a'. So much for escaping stereotypes 😂

(And yes I've told him about Joshua, etc. His own middle name ends with 'a' as well 🙄)

If a child is being ostracised for something as silly as wearing pink hair bobbles then that's something the teacher needs to manage with the children who are doing the ostracising, not the child wearing a bobble.

Let them be them, good for you. This is clearly the teachers problem and prejudices coming out and is very much a them problem.

Two of my sons have very long hair. My youngest was pulled out of his line one morning and was told to tie it up or he'd get lice, she completely ignored the fact that there were a dozen girls in the class also with long hair not tied up.

My husband asked for a meeting and raised the roof with her. No one ever mentioned it again.

I think it is absolutely fine for men as well as boys to dress how they like & that includes pink water bottles and princess dresses. You will find Mumsnet very much does not agree - practically the first response was to warn you of the dangers of them turning trans So you can see the societal pitfalls but that does not mean you have to respect and conform to them.

Some schools are very keen to push the trans agenda, so I’d watch out for that.

If your boys like pink or things others class as ‘girly’, that’s fine. Let them choose what they like. We need to stop this whole pink/princesses/dolls/long hair for girls and blue/football/dinosaurs/short hair for boys nonsense, it’s a big part of why there has been a huge rise in kids struggling and then identifying as trans. Stereotypes are regressive and so bloody harmful. Adults need to stop putting them on children.

Why do people care so much when it's boys liking "girls" stuff? When my daughter was a child she only played with "boys" stuff super hero's, action man, cars, football etc. And hated anything "girly" including clothes. Even trying to get her to wear a skirt for school was a nightmare and in primary she wore trousers. In fact. She's still the same at 26. But no one has ever really said anything about it. But if a boy likes "girls" stuff it's always seen as a massive deal. Why? It's very odd. It's just stuff

Do any of the girls have blue bobbles? i most certainly did. Blue was and still is my favourite colour. I would be wearing a football kit playing with the boys. Not because I wanted to be a boy but because I enjoyed the game.

Recently we got given a scooter from a friend and it happens to be pink. My son (4) was excited to show his Grandad. Grandad said oh why are you in a girls scooter! My son said i’m not it’s my scooter. My Dad said maybe we should spray paint it. I said well I won’t be as there is nothing wrong with it. If my son doesn’t mind the colour then why should I!

But s hool told them it should be THEIR FAVOURITE BOOK which at the time was those two, with the 3 pigs in third position. I also suggested pigs alongside wolves and bears. No, it had to be their FAVOURITE. So yes I Vinted the costumes and resold them once them shortly after (growth spurt as much as anything)

Personally I think its our job as parents to protect kids from social suicide and to make sure they know they can dress up but can’t ever change their sex.
This is so sexist. The OP didn't mention changing sex, but your reaction when confronted with dresses and pinkness was to mention changing sex. Boys should be allowed to dress how they want without thinking they need to call themselves girls, and the other way round. You're conflating gender stereotypes with sex, and that's a huge reason why people think that if you want to dress or behave a certain way, you need to change pronouns.

YANBU to let them choose to dress up in the costumes that appeal to them.
My experience having had a boy with long hair who liked to wear dresses is that very often people will assume that you are trying to make a point- the teacher may be trying to gauge this.
I think the thing that has changed is that there is much more 'transing' rather than just accepting this as a boy who likes 'girly' stuff or a girl who is a bit of a tomboy. Possibly the teacher is also trying to work out what's going on on that front.

In a nut shell ^^

Thank you!!

My youngest used to love a princess dress 😂it mainly stemmed from him being in a Childminder setting that was mainly girls in all honesty so he was "friends" with girls and just following suit. My DH hated it I have to admit & I never encouraged it nor did I buy him any "girly" dress up.

However, I never put him down about it either nor did I force any typical "boy" dress up on him.

Once he started School, it did start to phase out naturally and he is now 7 and the most ladest lad you could meet. 😂 infact somedays I'd love for him to wear a princess dress as it might mean him and his big brother wouldn't fight as much.

I think with your point though is it feels you are "encouraging" it by buying the dresses etc. It is difficult though as I was fortunate that he didn't ask for it at home. I think at 5 though I wouldn't be concerned as they don't quite understand yet the difference in genders etc. As long as your boys are happy, secure & loved that is the main thing.

We al laugh about him in his princess dresses now and his older siblings love to rib him about it. It will likely just be a phase if handled correctly. No big attention to it etc. I think Teachers were maybe trying to see if it's child driven etc have you asked the Teacher what he is like in School? What toys/areas he tends to gravitate to more? It could be that he is more "boyish" in School etc so they could be seeing a change in him in a School setting to at home or has another child said something?

I can see it was uncomfortable, but I am glad someone checked in to make sure it was the kids’ own choice.

When I was a child my parents insisted I had short hair and dressed like a boy, and it’s not what I wanted at all. Adults called me ‘young man’ until I was a teenager and finally able to rebel (by becoming what my mother sneeringly called a ‘girly girl’).

If I’d chosen it - fine! But I hadn’t, and ended up feeling there was something weak or shameful about wearing a dress.

(However I also suspect that if anyone had asked my parents they would have proudly said it was entirely my choice, and what an independent-minded child I was)

It messed me up for a long time.

There are a lot of parents out there projecting weird stuff onto their kids.

My daughter dressed in "boys'" clothes from about the age of 3 to about 8 or 9. Another mum did ask me once why I dressed her like that - I don't think she knew my daughter very well and how opinionated and determined she was!

I think its good the school checked their is nothing wrong with a boy picking a pink bottle that he likes there is however something very wrong with parents who push and make these decisions for there children. To make themselves look a certain way like look how inclusive and open i am aren't I cool.

Some people here are unhinged. A 5 year old boy wearing a princess dress or a pink bobble or whatever the fuck they are wearing is literally the last thing in the world we should be concerning ourselves over.

At 5 they're perfectly capable of knowing their favourite book, film, colour etc. There is no unacceptable answer to those questions given they only watch the movies we let them / books we buy them.

Yes, this my reading of the school's question. It might not be a bad idea to speak to them and stress the boys are comfortable with both their sex and their fashion choices. Then challenge them on whether the school believes that only girls can wear pink!

Some schools are still 'transing' kids behind their parents' backs.

You arent doing anything wrong . The teacher sounds a bit strange

I think it is absolutely fine. They should feel confident to wear what makes them happy. My boys have always loved pink, they are mid twenties now. One has hair down to his waist. As a teen he had bright pink short hair.

What has trans got to do with a five year old liking a colour or a character?!! This is getting ridiculous now. Surely the whole point is anyone can like a colour and they don’t have to be a certain sex to like it. If we keep pushing this ridiculous agenda that only women can like pink (which is a modern concept anyway), then is it any wonder that children who do like pink and are not female think something is wrong with them?

Get their DDad to take them to sch., I bet he wouldn’t be interrogated?

I'd tell the teacher (as I had to tell teachers and people at church and other parents on DS1's behalf) that the choices are child-led and you don't want to tell them that certain colours or interests are just for girls as you don't believe gender-restrictions are healthy for children. I might ask her to let you know if they start getting teased or bullied, but I'd also lightly suggest that it would be good to encourage all children to accept that certain colours or toys are not exclusive to one sex or the other, and that liking them in no way suggests you are in the wrong body!