Teacher asked who chose the pink bottle....

[Caszekey]

Ok, so it's more aibu to allow / encourage this behaviour.
Fairly identifiable so here goes.
5 year olds twin boys, both have long hair like their Dad which I put up for school. Ones favourite colour is pink. Both adore Frozen so wanted the dress up dresses (Kristoff is a minor character). Last WBD they dressed as Goldilocks and Red Riding Hood (bear, wolves are minor characters). School have jokingly passed comment previously about pink bobbles etc but today I was asked, incidentally, if I chose the pink bottles or them, do I pick costumes etc.
I don't know if she's curious or implying I'm doing something wrong but it's got me second guessing

The choices are child led and I reckon they'll age out of them but I don't want to pull the "boys don't do that" line when girls have so much fun.

So aibu to allow them to pick so freely ? We've not yet encountered a request for a dress for general living, just they like to be Princesses!

I think it's fine as toddlers to let them have long hair, dress in dresses etc but school is a different matter. They will stand out and I think you could have explained they could pick a male to dress up as, I think you have to direct them as they dont know the social norms and others can be mean. I would have encouraged my ds to go as a boy character as I would encourage my dd to go as a girl.
I think as a teacher you would question whether you wanted 2 girls and whether it's your influence on them or them still choosing- in reception year1 kids are starting to identify with their gender in tv shows/ books etc. Unlike toddlers who don't look at that yet.

I am a man and wear pink all the time. I love that colour.
Now, there is no way I would allow my son to be dressed up as Goldilocks or a female character of any kind. That is where I draw a line.
For a portal which is so gender critical I am surprised how laid back the majority of previous posts are about letting this one slide.

The teachers may be wondering if it's more your influence because you have two children "going against the grain" with their choices. (As opposed to one twin being red riding hood and the other batman, for example.) Not saying this is the case, just how it could be perceived.

My reception aged boy is going through an Elsa phase. His teacher said he'd been dressed up as her all afternoon last Friday and was happily turning everyone to ice.

I've no intention of stopping him and no concern that letting him wear dresses will affect his gender identity. He's a little boy who can choose to wear whatever he wants without changing that fundamental fact.

DH is wearing a pink shirt today... as far as I'm aware he's still happily identifying as a man 🤷‍♀️

I’m slightly baffled at the amount of control parents hand to small children, even if it means setting that child up for social ostracism. Allowing them to wear pink hair bobbles - really? And then you act surprised when people comment. You’re doing them no favours, you’re actually doing them an unkindness.

I imagine they are just checking it really is their free choice - which is a good thing because there really are parents who do this to their kids to push their own views and agenda. And I say this as someone who thinks gender is a social construct and such stereotypes are bullshit.

I've spent the last few years at playgroups and play centres. You'd be amazed at how many mums watch their little boys happily running around in princess dresses or fairy costumes whilst rolling their eyes about how their husband would react.

Why do you care so much? Would you stop your daughter from dressing up as spider man, or is this just an arbitrary rule for little boys?

Do you see traditionally feminine things as lesser in some way?

Only commenting because there are a lot of right wing comments.
Let the kids express themselves how they want and be confident. Just answer the teachers questions. No problems.

I love this. They can dress however they like, they clearly have a lovely class if they’re not being teased or they have high self esteem both of which are great

You have seriously misunderstood what gender critical means.

Well my boys have two mums and although I’m the more feminine one I’ve certainly never been the ‘pink and sparkly’ type of feminine. However, both my boys have gone through phases of loving pink, tutus, sparkly shoes, unicorns and wanting their nails painted (something I never do). So yes children can express preferences of their own even when those things are not presented to them.

They're 5. The two girls they intend to marry (🙄) they hang around with and so have got into Frozen etc through them. One has a blue bobble. They have Marvel costumes. It isn't all girl stuff

I think what stands out for me is that utility say one of the boys favourite colour is pink but they both have pink water bottles and bobbles? That suggests to me that you are encouraging a bit more than you think

are you really giving them optionality and exposing them to male characters and allowing other colour choices?

as long as it is their choice then fine. They will change as they get older one way or the other It’s all part of discovering who they are

I remember years ago, the nursery teacher telling me (non-judgementally) that my oldest son loved dressing up in heels and a red and white spotted dress and wide brimmed hat. He played with dolls quite happily. He's never questioned his identity as a man.
Years later, a teacher made a big song and dance about my youngest daughter wearing trousers and boys shoes to school. She had many comments from friends and complete strangers about playing with her remote control cars and football instead of "her (nonexistant) dollies" which she had no interest in. This led her to question her identity as a girl, from a very young age. No matter how much you reassure them that its ok to be a girl and NOT fit into the stereotype, that stance is undermined everytime someone comments or you walk past the "girls clothing" sign, to the "boys" section in the shop.
Its not the children who have changed, its us.

Being fine with girls dressing up as Spiderman or whatever male superhero, but thinking boys wearing feminine clothing and dressing up as female characters is somehow problematic is just reinforcing the idea that feminity is inferior. It's just more misogyny, and also plays along with the idea that dresses = girls, so if I like dresses as a boy I must actually be a girl. Just let everyone wear what they want.

I'm very liberal on this topic but I would hesitate at encouraging my boy children to wear pink bobbles to school. They are going to get bullied. I would just use something plainer.

I think they were checking in as to who the driving force behind the choices were, rather than being critical of the choices themselves necessarily

Maybe your children have said something to the teacher? Are you trying to influence their choices?

Gender critical means you don't believe in gender except as a social construct, not that you think boys will want to be women if they dress up as Elsa. Being gender critical means you think boys and girls can wear whatever the hell they want and it doesn't make a difference.

If this is child led let them do it as long as they want and the teacher can wind her neck in. I'm sure society will crush this particular aspect of their individuality soon enough and they'll be getting into fights over football and having to make misogynistic jokes so they don't get bullied before you know it.

Nothing wrong with them wearing what they like but i think it’s good that the teacher checked. She’s looking out for them and making sure they don’t have some crazy parent making them dress like girls if they dont want to.

It does seem deliberate though. If they have marvel costumes for example did you buy the world book day dresses for that purpose? Surely most parents would have used the costumes they already owned?

I can't edit to add this but I just picked out the girl stuff. Forgot to clarify they love playing outside and superhero stuff and Lego and lots of gender neutral stuff. DH isn't a "blokey" man, none of us are into sports although we take the boys to football. And they'd be a show in for wrestling team if they did it in primary.

I think that if its child led, then dont worry about it too much. People are always going to be weird about things like that, but its just dressing up and it doesnt mean much at that age.

It's funny isn't it, because if a girl turned up on WBD as Spider-Man, nobody would bat an eyelid. OP, ignore them. It's clearly a child led preference.

You’re their parent,op, you’re not supposed to be led by your child, you’re supposed to take responsibility and lead your child and give them guidance and teach them to navigate the world. I feel sorry for your kids. They’ll feel destabilised with an uncomfortable heavy weight upon their shoulders that they won’t have the maturity to recognise as inappropriate expectations from you to them. But it’ll all be cloaked in the framing that they are free to choose their own lives. But that’s not what they need at 5; they need their parents to parent.