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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why why why are they like this!!!

330 replies

Hellofrances · 26/09/2025 09:37

My boyfriend stayed overnight at my house for the first time on Wednesday.

We both had yesterday off so had a lazy morning watching tv in bed.

He broke wind really loud and grabbed my head and forced it under the covers, I couldn’t move from under them for about 10 seconds.

He thought it was hilarious, I told him I’m a 37 year old woman and don’t appreciate that.

I think it’s the fact we’d not long been intimate and he was being really jokey.

I told one of my friends who found it amusing and said it’s a sign he’s comfortable around me which is good, but I don’t agree!

OP posts:
Planesmistakenforstars · 26/09/2025 11:29

He physically restrained you for his own amusement. That is fucking awful.

ArabellaSaurus · 26/09/2025 11:30

Nope.

StripedSpottySocks · 26/09/2025 11:30

Honestly, they're not like this. My husband of 20 years would never ever do this. He held you there and wouldn't let go, get rid now.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 26/09/2025 11:30

Hellofrances · 26/09/2025 10:14

Thanks all, this is the first red flag and out of the blue. I need to think about what to do now.

What's to think about? He used force to make you experience something against your will.

That's surely relationship over in anyones book?

Lndnmummy · 26/09/2025 11:33

This is disgusting and would give me the ick permanently. So disrespectful.

brightbrightness · 26/09/2025 11:34

LaughingCat · 26/09/2025 11:22

I’m sorry…I laughed. I can’t help it - I have the sense of humour of a 15yo boy. I know it’s not big or clever but a well-executed Dutch oven still makes me chuckle.

It might just be different senses of humour. Some are horrified by something like this and others aren’t. Neither are ‘right’ or ‘wrong’.

However, you have now made it clear that you don’t appreciate the joke. If he didn’t apologise or if he ever did it again, then he will have crossed a line and made it clear that he doesn’t respect your wishes.

Yes it is wrong. Doing something to someone that they find disgusting, forcing them into that through brute strength is wrong. The fact that you are in the tiny minority of people who are not emotionally or empathetically mature enough to realise this, does not make this a situation of ' moral or humour relativity'.

Notsandwiches · 26/09/2025 11:35

So if you were menstruating and rubbed it on his face he'd be ok with that?

ElleBelleLou · 26/09/2025 11:36

I've been with my DP 4 years, engaged and lived together for 3. If he did this it would be over in a heartbeat - just so vile!

MyDeftHedgehog · 26/09/2025 11:36

No thanks 🤮 I had an ex that would do stuff like that.Among other things. He was a first class dickhead

ShiftingSand · 26/09/2025 11:36

Duckyfondant · 26/09/2025 09:45

Your friend sounds like an idiot too

This

Kenziko · 26/09/2025 11:36

Of course YANBU. If anyone tried this on with me they'd never share a bed, sofa or anything else with me again.

You need to leave him so he knows this is not acceptable behaviour. Behave like a filthy dog, get treated like a filthy dog.

Mollydoggerson · 26/09/2025 11:37

Dump, he is awful. You deserve better.

magicscares · 26/09/2025 11:38

He sounds horrible. Move on without him.

PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat · 26/09/2025 11:39

LaughingCat · 26/09/2025 11:22

I’m sorry…I laughed. I can’t help it - I have the sense of humour of a 15yo boy. I know it’s not big or clever but a well-executed Dutch oven still makes me chuckle.

It might just be different senses of humour. Some are horrified by something like this and others aren’t. Neither are ‘right’ or ‘wrong’.

However, you have now made it clear that you don’t appreciate the joke. If he didn’t apologise or if he ever did it again, then he will have crossed a line and made it clear that he doesn’t respect your wishes.

Can we be absolutely crystal-clear here, please, that the fart is secondary to the unacceptable use of physical force against someone less physically strong? That is the red flag. All the fifteen-year-old boys I know understand that.

nomas · 26/09/2025 11:39

10 seconds is really long. That means you were struggling to get out and he was holding you down.

That is really concerning behaviour.

Dump the twat now so he gets a rude awakening.

CatrionaBalfour · 26/09/2025 11:40

nomas · 26/09/2025 11:39

10 seconds is really long. That means you were struggling to get out and he was holding you down.

That is really concerning behaviour.

Dump the twat now so he gets a rude awakening.

Exactly this x 💯

inamo · 26/09/2025 11:40

Sounds like a lovely caring mature and considerate person. He's not a juvenile idiot with strong arm tactics and lack of respect towards you at all... Is he?

nomas · 26/09/2025 11:41

LaughingCat · 26/09/2025 11:22

I’m sorry…I laughed. I can’t help it - I have the sense of humour of a 15yo boy. I know it’s not big or clever but a well-executed Dutch oven still makes me chuckle.

It might just be different senses of humour. Some are horrified by something like this and others aren’t. Neither are ‘right’ or ‘wrong’.

However, you have now made it clear that you don’t appreciate the joke. If he didn’t apologise or if he ever did it again, then he will have crossed a line and made it clear that he doesn’t respect your wishes.

Which part of holding down a struggling woman for 10 seconds is funny?

zeddybrek · 26/09/2025 11:42

He used physical force and was unbelievably disrespectful. I'd look beyond this and think how does he view you to do something so vile? In the early stages it's supposed to be romantic and comfortable and more. If he's not making much of an effort now then he'll only get worse. Massive red flag, ditch him.

Cantabulous · 26/09/2025 11:42

Why would you NOT put this loser in the bin????🗑️

nocontactquery · 26/09/2025 11:43

I actually can't believe there are men out there who think this is normal to do and women out there like your friend who think this is ok/funny?

I think the breaking wind and finding it funny would be something I'd not like, but mention and it wouldn't be a dealbreaker. I just think it's generally a bit immature but whatever, just don't do it intentionally/for fun etc in future.

But the forcing of your head under the covers - even if it was for a second is NOT OK. Especially as he held you there.

GET OUT NOW. And get better friends.

5128gap · 26/09/2025 11:44

I have a hard line that a man should not use his physical advantage against a woman. Because the world is pretty much divided into men who think this is OK and men who don't. And I don't want to take a gamble that those that do will only take it 'so far' or only do it 'as a joke' or would never 'really hurt you'. So while the gross nature of this would be the end for me anyway, even if you can get past that, you need to be on your guard because he's shown which group of men he's in.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 26/09/2025 11:46

I would never see him again.

jumpingjaque · 26/09/2025 11:46

🤮 it would be over for me.

AOIFEmissingUalways · 26/09/2025 11:47

This would be a huge No for me, I'd be gone (like a fart in the wind 😜).
All joking aside, for some people this is funny for me it's not so I'd end it. It's up to you what you want from this relationship.