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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say school went too far suspending him for a vape

334 replies

Abdican · 25/09/2025 12:17

basically DS14 has been suspended for 3 days cos he was caught with a vape at school and I just feel like that’s too harsh for a first time he only had it in his blazer pocket he wasn’t even using it in class or anything it was at break time.

I know vaping isn’t good before anyone says it but loads of kids are doing it and I’d already told him off and taken it off him when I found it before so it feels like he’s getting punished twice. He’s gonna miss lessons and he’s already behind.

I rang the school and they were really rude to me saying they have a zero tolerance policy and if it happens again he could be permanently excluded. I get rules are rules but I don’t think chucking him out for 3 days is going to teach him anything except to sit at home on his Xbox.

sorry long post but I feel like they’re making an example of him cos he’s a bit cheeky in class sometimes. do schools really suspend for this straight away? or am I right to think they’ve gone too far?

OP posts:
tequilam0ckingbird · 25/09/2025 12:36

I would be banning from Xbox for a month and blocking him from WiFi unless for school work. And would tell him expect worse if it happens again.

I'd be giving him his school work to do each day and checking he's done it. I would use the internet to mark his work (chat gpt) if I didn't know the answers. if he doesn't do his school work, I'd be adding on additional ban time from his Xbox.

It's your responsibility to parent your son.

He clearly thinks he can behave how he likes and that there will be no consequences for his behaviour. Being "a bit cheeky in class"= nightmare pupil who disrupts others' learning.

Own it OP. He's your son.

PistachioTiramisu · 25/09/2025 12:37

It's only the same as children years ago being expelled for smoking! Good for the school.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 25/09/2025 12:37

& this ladies and gentlemen is exactly why children are being failed by their parents.

piss poor parenting.

SaladCreamLover · 25/09/2025 12:37

Your son has clear behavioural issues, he vapes at 14 and has no discipline at home?

You realize he is a teacher's nightmare, don't you? I'm with the school.

DiscoBob · 25/09/2025 12:39

To me that's harsh. I mean if he was caught actually vaping, he should be disciplined. But not suspended. Especially If a first offence.

In my day it was smoking, and we weren't searched and punished if we had fags on us. I was allowed out of school on breaks when I smoked so I never needed to do it on school premises.

Yeah, it's a lot. But it's a horrible addiction. I hope you can try and get him to at least reduce the amount of nicotine in the vapes gradually?

I think vaping can be really bad as people can practically do it in their sleep. Consuming so much more nicotine than they would with a few fags.

You wouldn't spark up a fag if you woke up for two seconds, but you can easily just hit the vape.

twistyizzy · 25/09/2025 12:41

CherryBlossom321 · 25/09/2025 12:36

Given how many young people are not fond of school, I’ve always thought being sent home where they’d much rather be, is an odd choice of “punishment”.

Because parents are expected to parent and not allow a suspended child the option of sitting on an Xbox for the duration of the suspension

sittingonabeach · 25/09/2025 12:42

Many schools have the policy of suspension for vapes. How did they know he had one? He should be provided with work to do

Whatafustercluck · 25/09/2025 12:42

I am sick to the back teeth of seeing and hearing about children vaping - as the parent of a 14yo who has been caught doing it. I fully support any and every method with which schools are attempting to get on top of this menace. Ds's school now also takes a zero tolerance approach to vaping, which I wholeheartedly support. It's not just those who are vaping, it's those children who are even profiting from selling vapes to younger children - or even coaching them into supporting selling them to their mates. Op, as a parent who has experienced this first hand, I would urge you to support the school in using any means necessary to stop children having access to very harmful substances. Your permissiveness is a huge part of the problem.

youalright · 25/09/2025 12:42

AlorsTimeForWine · 25/09/2025 12:32

Yabu - totally appropriate and what we received if smoking 20+ years ago. In fact I think we got a week....🥴

If he is spending his 3 days suspension "sitting at home on his Xbox" it's worth self reflecting on your (poor) parenting choices.

Its a huge amount of teens do it but health will 💯 be a new wealth currency for the next generation. Poor health is also going to cost them £££ as the nhs collapses / privatisation comes in over the next 20 yrs. I would be strongly discouraging vaping - It's inhaled harder deeper and with much higher frequencies than cigarettes...long term effects will not be good.

You arent doing him any favours by dismissing the school and "backing" him

Edited

20 years ago when I was caught smoking on the field or girls toilets it was an hours detention If it had been a suspension everytime I would never been at school which I would of been happy about. Its the most bizarre punishment

Colourpurplepalette · 25/09/2025 12:42

Whenever I see an ‘AIBU in thinking the school went too far’ I think well done that school!

ainsleysanob · 25/09/2025 12:43

You say he’s already been told off. How? What’s your version of telling off? Being that he still has his x-box, he’s still going to be able to buy vapes off his mates. What actually is his punishment?

I have a 14 year old. He’s a good kid but he needs parenting. Real parenting.

Balloonhearts · 25/09/2025 12:44

This is it. People do very little actual parenting, no discipline, put up with disrespect from their children then when that badly raised child is misbehaving, displaying criminal behaviour, talking shit and doesn't respect them, they shrug their shoulders and say 'what can I do, I told him off, he doesn't care.'

He doesn't care because he's never met a consequence in his life!

MrsJPBP · 25/09/2025 12:44

Well if it was in his pocket, how did they even know he had it?

”a bit cheeky in class” - a disruptive nightmare.

OP, back up the school, put in actual consequences for breaking the rules. Take his Xbox, take his devices, make those 3 days miserable and make him catch up on the work he’s behind on. Get a handle on him now or it’ll get worse.

MNJury · 25/09/2025 12:44

How did they catch him with it in his pocket?

You don't have to sit and do algebra with him, the internet is marvellous I'm sure you can find some year group and ability appropriate worksheets, or get him reading through school books/notes/links on Google classroom/whatever.

Vapes and everything associated with them is a massive problem in schools OP, you can't blame them for having zero tolerance over this.

You have an opportunity to help him learn a valuable lesson here, but if you rail against the school then he'll learn just that...

Dweetfidilove · 25/09/2025 12:45

I think you should home school your cheeky lil chap.

I wish I could suspend some of the vaping idiots I encounter in public spaces ☹️.

MyAcornWood · 25/09/2025 12:46

Of course it’s not harsh. He’s 14 years old and in a school for goodness sake! And of course he’s only a bit behind already and of course he’s only cheeky in class sometimes…
You know as well as we do you have no intention of actually punishing or parenting him and taking his Xbox away. He won’t do anything but laze around for the few days he’ll consider as days off and nothing will be learned. Tale as old as time.

BeachLife2 · 25/09/2025 12:46

Personally I think it’s bonkers to have such a strict sanction just for possessing a vape.

There’s a moral panic developing around them now though, so I doubt you’ll get much support on here or from the school.

In my view schools should be more focused on students who are disrupting the learning of others, but that’s not allowed due to ‘inclusion’.

HappyNewTaxYear · 25/09/2025 12:46

Where did you get your username from @Abdican ? Is it short for ‘abdicate from parenting’?

youalright · 25/09/2025 12:47

Balloonhearts · 25/09/2025 12:44

This is it. People do very little actual parenting, no discipline, put up with disrespect from their children then when that badly raised child is misbehaving, displaying criminal behaviour, talking shit and doesn't respect them, they shrug their shoulders and say 'what can I do, I told him off, he doesn't care.'

He doesn't care because he's never met a consequence in his life!

No I think parents pick their battles and certain things are more important to some then others. Vaping is quite low on my list but if I found out one of my kids was bullying someone, being disrespectful in a relationship, stealing they would never see daylight again.

Mimzy26 · 25/09/2025 12:48

Wtf of course its a suitable punishment you don't seem bothered that he had a vape id be mortified if my 14 year did that

ReadingSoManyThreads · 25/09/2025 12:48

Ha! For once on MN I actually agree with the school!!

Worrying how you're not bothered by his actions, only the consequences!

youalright · 25/09/2025 12:48

BeachLife2 · 25/09/2025 12:46

Personally I think it’s bonkers to have such a strict sanction just for possessing a vape.

There’s a moral panic developing around them now though, so I doubt you’ll get much support on here or from the school.

In my view schools should be more focused on students who are disrupting the learning of others, but that’s not allowed due to ‘inclusion’.

I agree

CaptainMyCaptain · 25/09/2025 12:48

No-one knows how safe vapes really are and the ones a 14 year old can get hold of are likely to be illegal ones which are even more dangerous.

ukathleticscoach · 25/09/2025 12:49

Your parenting has obviously not gone too far

Original poster
Abdican · 25/09/2025 12:49

ok fair enough I get what people are saying and I don’t think vaping is good before anyone jumps on me I’m not saying that at all I just honestly thought 3 days was a lot compared to what kids used to get when I was at school

and yes he is cheeky sometimes I’m not gonna lie about that but he’s not some nightmare child smashing windows or anything like that. he is behind a bit with work which is why I didn’t want him missing more school but I will email them to see if they can send stuff home cos otherwise he will just sit there bored

I have taken his xbox lead away for now so he can’t just sit on it, he wasn’t happy but oh well. I’m not perfect but I am trying my best and it feels like I’m being ripped apart on here instead of anyone giving actual advice.

sorry if I didn’t explain myself properly earlier I’m knackered and probably didn’t word it right xx

OP posts: