To say school went too far suspending him for a vape

[Abdican]

basically DS14 has been suspended for 3 days cos he was caught with a vape at school and I just feel like that’s too harsh for a first time he only had it in his blazer pocket he wasn’t even using it in class or anything it was at break time.

I know vaping isn’t good before anyone says it but loads of kids are doing it and I’d already told him off and taken it off him when I found it before so it feels like he’s getting punished twice. He’s gonna miss lessons and he’s already behind.

I rang the school and they were really rude to me saying they have a zero tolerance policy and if it happens again he could be permanently excluded. I get rules are rules but I don’t think chucking him out for 3 days is going to teach him anything except to sit at home on his Xbox.

sorry long post but I feel like they’re making an example of him cos he’s a bit cheeky in class sometimes. do schools really suspend for this straight away? or am I right to think they’ve gone too far?

If he’s going to be bored not being on his Xbox then find jobs for him. Give him a list whether doing some gardening, cooking meals, shopping, cleaning, washing the car, a bit of DIY. Whatever needs doing and you feel he is capable of. Might just be the making of him to learn this.

Not here to kick OP, but also not here for the framing of OP's son as Che Guevara bravely battling the system.

Me too! You should follow up at home rather than bash the school

I don’t like to be so harsh, but you’re failing your son with your lazy parenting.

Xbox for three days? On what planet? You don’t sound bothered that he’s vaping and you expect him to occupy himself on the Xbox for three days despite being behind in school?

Shape up!!

I agree that it was a harsh punishment. Vapes are literally everywhere among teens sadly, and as they’re so addictive it’s not as simple as issuing punishments and expecting kids to be able to stop. I mean how many adults can’t stop smoking / vaping, so why do we expect it to be so easy for teens? I don’t like the threat of exclusion either.

Either you raised 2 flawless humans or 2 liars who got good at hiding stuff from you as they knew you would lose your 💩

@OriginalUsername2

Can you do us a favour and CHAT GBT about why vapes are unhealthy, and why some people might not want to be exposed to them. Especially growing children.

I’d love to see what you come up with.

#lungnodules

If he has no respect for your rules at home then he won't at school.
What do you expect them to do?
Parents dont take vapes seriously so schools definitely should .

Your post puts the school in a good light. Unlike yourself.

Sounds more than fair to me hope they search him every day going forward.

It’s more about what potentially the vape could have inside. When my daughter was in year 8, about 10 lads needed hospital treatment because the vapes contained weed or some other dangerous drug. And even as a “normal” vape, it can make some people really ill. So they’re being tough on him due to the potential consequences.

My daughter used to get suspended as she had a vile mouth. Each time, everything would be taken out of her room. She had chores to do. And she was doing online studies. The behaviour soon curved. Giving him the Xbox will only encourage him to keep misbehaving.

My son did the same and the school gave him Saturday 9am detention because he was in year 11 which was better than a suspension. He didn’t do it at school again.

Yep. This nails it.
So you'd already taken it off him and he got it back.
You don't think it's that bad.
You'll let him play on his X box for 3 days.

I'd be livid if he was my kid. No wonder he acts the way he does if you're so lax at parenting. Step up - do better.

OK. They aren't flawless but they don't vape.
I note on MN that any parent who has boundaries is told their kids are liars. Tell yourself that if it makes you feel better.

I think you should be glad the school have strict rules around this - as you are not happy with his behaviour, the school are actually backing you up with their "zero tolerance" approach.

My son's school expelled two boys for vaping on school premises (private school so easier to permanently exclude I think). Behaviour at his school is exceptional because there is no leeway for anybody stepping out of line. They all fee safe and learn well as a result.
Well done for taking the X-Box lead away - a brilliant, low-tech solution. Get him on the BBC Bitesize website for some algebra training stat, and have him wash the car, bake a cake or do some ironing - whilst he is languishing at home, he can learn some new skills.

You need to back up the school and make his suspension as miserable as possible. It’s a punishment but it will only be a punishment for you if you allow him to game and do sod all with his time off. My mum would have hit the roof if I’d have been suspended (for whatever reason) at school and I’d probably be forced to scrub the toilets and do other boring, thankless tasks on top of my schoolwork. Absolutely no tv, phone or gaming.

I know it’s hard OP to come down tough if you’ve not been doing so before but it’s so important for your DS that you do so. Tough love is exactly what he needs.

Use the 3 days to catch up on his work no x box

Why is the fact he'll be bored schools problem?

I'd be telling him he can spend the 3 days researching why vapes are harmful, especially to young people and writing an essay about it. There, he won't be bored now.

Well done School! Suck it up and be a PARENT not his best friend. Support school in this decision. Its not allowed, he broke the rules thinking he was being clever and no doubt flashing it around showing off to his mates. Make sure he gets no wifi, no devices (including phone), He can watch educational programmes on TV only, read books and do workbooks (order some off amazon) only. Make sure he is grounded for the 3 days too. He will think twice before doing anything wrong again believe me.

(Mum to 3 grown up boys, foster mum to over 50 kids now and currently foster mum to 4 teenagers)

I am with the school and support their a zero tolerance policy.

Our kids should not suffer 2nd hand smoke because of someone else's kid

Exactly this plus household chores. It might help him think twice

I fully agree , this post is very ' look at me'

On the chance that it is real , I'd fully support the school.
A bit cheeky = disrupts class , sarky / rude / cheekys the teacher.
Not actually vapeing = will do at lunch, break and to and from school
Will pay on his x box for 3 days = you not been the adult

I get rules are rules
Well, clearly not.

Though I agree he can scant afford missing any days of school, if we're to avoid breeding yet another generation of thickos.

But why is vaping so high on your list of bad things a teenager could do i could think of 1000s of things that are significantly worse. Im a strong believer in picking your battles. If the worse thing my kid did as a teenager was vape id give myself a pat on the back for a job well done.

so you rather they give a light punishment or waste resources when the mother can do so and does nothing about it?