To say school went too far suspending him for a vape

[Abdican]

basically DS14 has been suspended for 3 days cos he was caught with a vape at school and I just feel like that’s too harsh for a first time he only had it in his blazer pocket he wasn’t even using it in class or anything it was at break time.

I know vaping isn’t good before anyone says it but loads of kids are doing it and I’d already told him off and taken it off him when I found it before so it feels like he’s getting punished twice. He’s gonna miss lessons and he’s already behind.

I rang the school and they were really rude to me saying they have a zero tolerance policy and if it happens again he could be permanently excluded. I get rules are rules but I don’t think chucking him out for 3 days is going to teach him anything except to sit at home on his Xbox.

sorry long post but I feel like they’re making an example of him cos he’s a bit cheeky in class sometimes. do schools really suspend for this straight away? or am I right to think they’ve gone too far?

I feel for you because it is really tough when your kid is the one pulled up for something that lots of kids are doing. But this gives you an opportunity to teach him that life isn’t fair and just because others have got away with something doesn’t mean he will.

not all schools will take the same line but you have to back the school or kids who want to challenge authority will feel supported in doing so.

my son got in trouble for similar and I was really angry at him and backed the school’s punishment, it didn’t make a blind bit of difference to his future behaviour- frustratingly - and he got asked to leave the second time. Schools try to avoid permanently excluding as it is a PITA and expensive for them.

son is now an adorable hard working and successful 22 year old but JFC it has been a roller coaster. If you can get through to your son to influence his behaviour do so, this is the time to be tough rather than in his side.

ps - before I get told I’m a terrible parent - I have two who have been easy - one of whom is on track for a Russell group university & head girl material. Some kids are much more challenging to raise and you’re lucky if you get an easy teen. Same as you’re lucky if you get an easy toddler- difficult teen son was an angel at that age.

my school also suspends for vapes being caught on students - they are all
under age and shouldn’t have them on them. Same as weed, fags, booze - they are bringing an illegal and unsafe substance into school. There are 11 years olds sharing the same building, it is about keeping all the students safe. We are also getting to the stage in schools where children are putting things in their vapes such as spice, zero tolerance has to be followed to try and keep the majority safe.

for the people who have no idea why suspension is a punishment - it’s about getting a child who is doing something dangerous/disruptive away from the rest of the school bd hopefully getting the parents to support the school by forcing them to be inconvenienced with their own child for a couple of days. Most parents who have put to up with their grumpy teen for a couple of days and disrupt their own working day will then be a bit more supportive than if it’s just handled in house.

It doesn’t sound like your punishment did much good though, as he’s at it again. Just because you’ve been punished once, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be punished again. These are clearly different occurrences, as you said you took the vape from him, so clearly not the first time either.

You should have removed his Xbox, etc for the 3 days. He will be happily suspended if playing computer games is the alternative. Suspension should be treated as a punishment, not a day off.

Well done to the school. Remove his Xbox etc as vaping/carrying a vape is really seriously especially as they are banned for under 18s.

FFS - this, of course! ⬆️

Step up, back the school, be a decent parent & make sure your child does not spend 3 days lounging around at home, frying brain cells, when he's already academically behind & been caught defying both you & the school!!

You're nuts if you think this is too far.
Also the fact that you're going to let him sit on his Xbox for 3 days explains why he's in this situation in the first place.
Good lord

Negligent parenting. No wonder schools have such a hard time - they're having to educate the parents of these miscreants as well!!

Never mind Mum, only 4 more years until he's officially an adult but he'll be in hospital by the time he's 20 with collapsed lungs - look it up . . .

The 1st time 😂😂😂
As far as YOU know. I suspect he's been warned already.
But zero tolerance is just that and kids MUST learn that now - the real world will be a shock otherwise.

Support the schools stance. Your child needs you to be a PARENT - not another friend - he won't thank you for it now, but will in about 5 years and for the rest of his life.

I get that this is a load of stress you really could do without, especially when he’s behind on school work. Long term hopefully it will have the desired effect to deter him from any future infringements.

You say he’s a bit cheeky, is he often in trouble at school. In this situation your best bet is to get on the same team as the school. You want to help him, they want to help him, if between you could agree on a consistent strategy it will make things easier for everyone.

I’m sorry but I do think you have been given advice, because you don’t like it doesn’t mean it’s bad advice. Why are you doubling down with all the what aboutery. Get a grip now for goodness sake sake.

Have you thought that MAYBE, just maybe he is “being cheeky” at school and using a vape (both illegally and in defiance of school rules!) because of your p*ss poor parenting?

Honestly! Arguing to try and get him out of his punishment and then admitting you’re going to let him sit on his Xbox for 3 days isn’t painting you or him in a good light.

If it were me I wouldn’t allow him to have his Xbox or phone for the 3 days, nor would he be leaving the house. What I would be making him do is extra academic work (as you say he is behind this clearly wouldn’t hurt!) and piling chores on him.

And people wonder why there is a teacher recruitment crisis going on when they are dealing with parents like this who produce kids like this!

At 14 he shouldn’t be vaping! If the school have a zero tolerance policy that’s just what it is! You say he’s behind so take away his Xbox and parent him!

You're lucky it was only 3 days. And I very much doubt that it was the first time they caught him. He's probably had warnings and detention that he hasnt told you about. And hes breaking the law and whoever sold it to him is also breaking the law as its 18 to buy or smoke them. Take his xbox phone and anything else off him and make him do some actual school work to catch up!

Oh dear.
You keep saying ‘he didn’t use it in class’ I would say you should be grateful for that as I’m sure that would lead to off-site direction or being permanently expelled.
I think 3 days for a vape is fairly standard. It’s not just ‘sending him home to be on his X-Box’ he is now well on their radar, especially if he is also messing around in class and behind. He needs to turn his behaviour around or he will be passed off to another school very quickly.
I do understand that you did the right thing in taking it off him, but the fact you think the school is overacting is concerning. I’m not sure you see how serious this is. You need to be very firm with him. No X-Box, and make it clear that he will be kicked out of school. You need to appear to him and the school that you are on their side, not his. Ringing and saying it is too extreme will make it appear that you are not taking the situation seriously.
If you want to be nice then do it as a reward system. For example; if he has no behaviour points all week he can get his X-box back at the weekends. A month with no behaviour points, gets it back permanently. Make it clear you will not tolerate being cheeky and messing around in class. At least you can then say you have done everything you can to keep him in school. Hopefully he will get the picture and keep inline.
This is just my opinion, been teaching high school for 12 years. Always pretty clear to me whose parents do and don’t take behaviour seriously when I call home. Usually those parents who apologise, assure you that the child will be punished and that it won’t happen again manage to stop it happening again.

The number of people vaping now far exceeds the number that would have started smoking. Vaping is easy and accessible to kids. There is a new Bill going through parliament to stop the advertising of Vapes to children. You can get vapes in the sweet shop!!

your child must have had the vape out as teachers aren’t allowed to search children and find stuff without proper procedures being followed. If they are asked to turn out pockets then they can say no but then it would be escalated to seniors.

read the search policy for schools.

At the end of the day, he’s been caught with it. He clearly has a cheeky vape when he goes to the toilet etc as they are so small and don’t release that massive cloud. You are best off focusing your efforts on providing reasons not to vape.

if he gets caught again then that’s on him. He knows the consequences

They are considered drugs on school grounds. Read school policies. Your child should not have a vape on them at all. Congrats on telling him off, clearly did sweet naff all. If you had any sense you would ground him as well.

Not too harsh. And you also say ‘he’s a bit cheeky in class’ he’s probably a nightmare

Zero tolerance is zero tolerance - & you should be supporting the school.

Time for you to parent. Internet off, phone and Xbox removed. Step up.

Youre the problem. Stop making excuses.

He knew the rules and broke them aware of the consequences. And someone has to see those through because youre making excuses.

He wasnt actively using it in class so he should be an exception to the rules?! Neither you nor he is special, and understand what a zero tolerance policy is. He isnt being punished twice, school punished him for vaping on school grounds, youre punishing him for vaping at home.

Why on earth would you be allowing him to Xbox while hes excluded from school. Make him spend the time studying to catch up.

You’re not being strict enough as a parent, someone has to put boundaries in place for him.

Do you vape OP?

Id be absolutely furious and would be whole heartedly supporting the school! And he should be catching up on missed schoolwork not spending his suspension days being rewarded with his Xbox. If he breaks rules he needs to face the consequences!

The school i work at sets work to be done at home for kids on suspension. The letter confirming the suspension should tell you if they're doing that, so you then need to make sure he's doing it.

Well done to to the school. Sad they need to do it because parents don't parents. To say he would be on Xbox for 3 days . No chance Xbox is confiscated. Tv remote removed. He sits with nothing to do all day. The message will go through

This! You don’t let him sit on his Xbox whilst he’s suspended. You (or his dad) sit him down and get him catching up on missed work. Taking annual leave if needed.