To say school went too far suspending him for a vape

[Abdican]

basically DS14 has been suspended for 3 days cos he was caught with a vape at school and I just feel like that’s too harsh for a first time he only had it in his blazer pocket he wasn’t even using it in class or anything it was at break time.

I know vaping isn’t good before anyone says it but loads of kids are doing it and I’d already told him off and taken it off him when I found it before so it feels like he’s getting punished twice. He’s gonna miss lessons and he’s already behind.

I rang the school and they were really rude to me saying they have a zero tolerance policy and if it happens again he could be permanently excluded. I get rules are rules but I don’t think chucking him out for 3 days is going to teach him anything except to sit at home on his Xbox.

sorry long post but I feel like they’re making an example of him cos he’s a bit cheeky in class sometimes. do schools really suspend for this straight away? or am I right to think they’ve gone too far?

These posts make me so angry. Your kid is a little villain and you refuse to take responsibility for that. It's nobody's fault that he's been excluded. It's his failure to follow the rules and your failure to raise your own child properly that has caused this.

Rather than minimising his behaviour support the schools policy. Whilst suspended ask school to send work in to catch up on rather than shoving him in front of his Xbox for 3 days.OP are you more annoyed that now you have him home for those 3days instead of having him packed off out of your way at school?

Stop making excuses for your son. Support the school in their attempts to punish your child for bad behaviour. Do the hard thing now, otherwise if he breaks the rules as a grown ass adult, you will be visiting him in jail. Enabling your son's behaviour by blaming the school for applying rules and punishments isn't doing him any favours, & dismissing his bad behaviour in class as being "a bit cheeky" is delusional. Be a parent & start telling him no.

You sound like a soft parent to me the school have every right to exclude him for 3 days they have to set a precedent and I don’t believe this his first offence either and like others have said if it was in his pocket how did the staff know he had a vape and there’s not a chance he would be allowed on his Xbox there’s plenty of online platforms for him to use or ask the school for some work for him the fact he’s already behind when they’ve only been back a few weeks is also screaming at me.

So you’ve had this problem with him before, he’s done it again, and your biggest concern is that the poor wee poppet is being punished twice? No wonder he’s badly behaved

At my school 50-odd years ago, they turned a blind eye to smoking behind the pavilion on the top hockey pitch, but gave detention for smoking anywhere else.
From the upper floors of the main building, there was sometimes such a lot of smoke rising that it looked like the pavilion might be on fire.

The staff room door emitted a cloud of smoke every time it was opened, too, which might explain why they were fairly tolerant of smokers.

Personally I don’t think they have gone too far, instead I think you sound too relaxed about it. Is it not your duty to ensure he is at home learning whilst suspended not playing on his x box ? Vaping is awful for children it should be a zero policy.

Oh please … he had a vape in school, he knows full well they are banned whether he was using it or not! Plus he’s under age to even have it in the first place!! Why is he behind at school? Because he’s out vaping rather than doing his school work. Sounds like you need to up the discipline before this gets worse … maybe take the Xbox away, why on earth would he be allowed to play on it if suspended. Maybe set him some school work if the school doesn’t, this is your responsibility … it’s called parenting!!! 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️

I’m a very relaxed parent and most of the time I don’t agree with schools and their ridiculous rules and punishments but on this occasion I do agree with them. You really need to come down harder on him because now it’s a vape with clearly no consequences, what will he try and what laws will he push next with no fear of the consequences. Don’t let him become an awful man with a mother who never pulled him up on his behaviour. We have enough of those.

he wasn’t even using it in class or anything

wow. Just wow.
So if he had been vaping IN class you would have been ok with him being suspended? I would expect a pupil to get EXPELLED if they were vaping IN class!!

I get rules are rules but I don’t think chucking him out for 3 days is going to teach him anything except to sit at home on his Xbox.
you do realise YOU decide whether he can go on the Xbox right? Why on earth would you allow him to go on the Xbox? What do you think you’re teaching him by allowing him on the Xbox? You’re just teaching him that he has to break school rules and get suspended to do stuff he actually wants to do. Sorry op, you’re going to have to toughen up your parenting and remove the Xbox for those 3 days.

Yes, schools suspend pupils for this. This is most likely not the first time he’s been caught.
No, school has not gone too far.

I’m a very relaxed parent and most of the time I don’t agree with schools and their ridiculous rules and punishments but on this occasion I do agree with them. You really need to come down harder on him because now it’s a vape with clearly no consequences, what will he try and what laws will he push next with no fear of the consequences. Don’t let him become an awful man with a mother who never pulled him up on his behaviour. We have enough of those

Ok, so I read some messages and your view.
But here's the problem, kid is vaping, you allow it, tap him on his hand and tell him off... he is found by school and gets suspended and you feel like he's being punished to harsh. It not harsh, it's a good punishment which should be followed up at home with more talks and consequences.
Here's the reality: it is illegal for children under the age of 18 to own smoke or vape tabbaco products, alcohol, etc.. . It's not a school rule, it's the law. School just has a consequence on that.

You as a parent have to ensure he doesn't find himself in this situation and rather than have a go at the school for being harsh, have a go at yourself and your child and think about another way of parenting him.
Oh no, he miserable because you took his Xbox away? Oh well... such is life... let him be bored, upset, whatever. That's the consequences of his own actions and how is he going to learn otherwise ?
He gets behind with his learning, not a problem, there's homework clubs, library, asking teachers for extra work, etc to get back on track. You don't have to show him or teach him, it is his responsibility to get himself back on track. Stop doing the work for him, stop trying to protect or excuse his bad behaviour.
You wanted advice. Here it is...

Is this a serious post? 🤦‍♀️

If you’ve already punished him and he’s gone straight back out and done the same again I’d say he needs more punishment.

Also willing to bet that “A little bit cheeky in class sometimes” from a parent as permissive as you is actually “a disruptive, cheeky little shit” in real money.

He’s vaping at 14 and behind with his school work, and you’re whining that the school disciplined him? Can you hear yourself? As for your complaint that he’ll be at home on his Xbox for 3 days have you thought about parenting him and take it away?!

Does, 'A bit cheeky in class sometimes' mean you DC is a pain for teachers because he can't behave?
Have words with your boy, he's broken a clear rule and must take the consequences. Oh, and take the X Box away and turn off the router.

Bloody hell that's a bit harsh! 👀

The fact that you think he’ll be on his Xbox for three days explains a lot…sorry

If it was in his blazer pocket, how was he caught with it?
Schools can set their own behaviour policies and in order to address vaping issues in school (if there is an issue with loads of kids doing it) your sons school may have adopted a harsher penalty for those caught.
the school should be supplying work for your son to do whilst excluded.
you can also check that the exclusion is a legal one. Has it been recorded correctly on the register? Have you been sent paperwork for the exclusion?
if you feel the exclusion is not in line with their behaviour policy then you can challenge it.
hopefully, your son will learn from this experience. Clearly he should have been expecting a punishment once he was caught- he knows he shouldn’t have a vape in school.

What's scary and wrong is that you're excusing his behaviour. It's time to do some parenting, unless it's too much hard work for you?

No xbox.

It's hardly a new rule that the school has sprung up isn't it?

That's why there's some many problems at schools now, because parents can't be arsed to parent.

I think you would be in a better place to agree with the school and back up their stance. I am sure it is in their set of rules, if it is something you don’t like I would advise for anyone to not select that school. So many times parents are drawn to the better schools which generally have stricter rules, then when the rules apply to their own children they negatively react.

Vaping is a real issue in schools and they have to take a zero tolerance stance. Thing is, they pass it around to others in toilets or on the field, generally at break time and the other children esp the younger ones become quite concerned.
I imagine your DS will learn a lesson, and I think a worthy one.

.

Personally I’d be more concerned about my son having a vape.

I would get to the bottom of where he bought it from and report that shop to trading standards.

He definitely would not be rewarded for this by being allowed on his Xbox for three days.

If you are sincerely concerned about him missing 3 days of school, you can look up online resources like BBC bitesize and Oak Academy.